Would you home educate?

[ToHomeEdOrNotToHomeEd]

I'll try to keep history as brief as possible. I did name change because I thought it might be outing but I also know this is not exactly a unique situation... Junior school aged child, multiple highly specialised school placement failures, school refusal, very, very complex autism. I know autism isn't meant to be categorised in terms of severity but DC is extremely complex, high risk to self etc.

Has an EHCP (for what it's worth), currently out of education, no school has said it can meet need, we're desperately trying to resolve this.

I am a trained teacher and have worked in specialised autism services. I know I can provide him with a reasonable education; I know I can make him happier than any setting, but the cost (emotional and financial) is enormous.

Would you sacrifice your own wellbeing for your child and home educate? I am so worried about him. I already feel like I've failed him completely by letting him struggle in a school for so long.

YABU - don't martyr yourself, he needs to be in a setting.

YANBU - it's a sacrifice but it's your child’s wellbeing at serious risk.

No I wouldn't. I would go for the least worst option and make my peace with it. Over the years I have fought for the best option possible for my two with asd. Once I achieved what I felt was the best option locally, I let it go. Nothing will be perfect and that's OK. Living with autistic kids is a struggle. I need respite from it and I need to earn a living.

Do you think they will accept less than what they see as a full time education? Or do you think they'll say it's full time or not at all?

I mean, I know EHE also has to be full time, but unschooling families count everything as education so their "full time" looks very different to what an LA thinks is suitable full time.

TheLA has a duty to provide a suitable, full-time (or if full-time in any form isn’t in DS’s best interests as much as he can) education. That is far more than 3 hrs a week. Email the Director of Children’s Services reminding them of their duty under s.19 of the Education Act 1996. If that doesn’t work, email again threatening judicial review. If that fails, contact SOSSEN for help with a pre-action letter.

Under s42 CAFA 2014, the LA must also provide anything detailed, specified and quantified in F.

Have you informed SENDIST DS is out of school and requested an expedited hearing.

What does DS enjoy doing? Art, gaming, sports, music, being around animals?

If full-time isn’t suitable SENDIST won’t say full-time or nothing.

Also, some EOTAS packages look like unschooling home education.

Yes and I did in very similar circumstances to yours. No choice really. School was destroying him. Best decision I ever made. I took him out in year 3, home educated till he was 16 and had a wonderful time going to Home Ed groups/classes and outings. He's in college doing 2 GCSES and a media/art specialist course for higher functioning autistic teens and young adults now. So many shy away from doing it because they're scared of the later teen years but there's so much out there for these youngsters now. Ds is confident, hardworking and "personable" - as described by his tutor - I don't think we'd have had this outcome if he'd remained the terrified, distressed Bad Kid at mainstream school. If you can do it I would recommend it.

We did. ds2 could not cope with mainstream and even less so in special school. We did get an EOTAS arrangement after a couple of years which was the best fit we found for him. I do not regret removing him from school. It was the best decision for him AND the rest of the family.

This. Again

As well as the provision in an EOTAS package being whatever meets DS’s needs, another thing to remember before you dismiss DS as not able to access full-time EOTAS is it doesn’t have to be limited to school hours. Some have a full-time education package spread across 7 days &/or have some of the provision in the evening. Some have a package across the whole year, so e.g. they can have low demand Wednesdays midweek.

LAs tend to consider 'full time' as around 18 hours a week, but the actual EOTAS provision may be a fair bit less than that.

Have you considered flexischool too, where you split a full time education between school and home education?

The LGO consider full-time education to be 21-25 hours depending on age. Although it can be less if it is 1:1. However, EOTAS packages are bespoke. Some are more (including DS1’s), some are less.

I couldn’t. Thankfully, I think my complex asd DS’s special school is probably the best place for him atm. He’s currently in crisis (not school related) and I find it very useful to have an extra point in his ecosystem.

Selfishly, I’m desperate to continue with work… an income stream and an outlet for me. I also work in education and I know that I could practically teach him, but I couldn’t cope with the 24/7 nature of it and lack of respite. I am a lone parent though and maybe that makes a difference. It’s really so personal and is different for everyone.

Wishing you the best of luck with whatever decision you make.

No. I have an autistic child (now an adult). I fought hard to get an EHCP for him and viewed lots of schools all over the country. In the end he needed an independent residential placement in a specialist autism school.

Has your DS tried a residential school and is it something you'd consider? None of the specialist day schools would have been able to meet DS's needs and he needed a waking day curriculum. The LA opposed it as it was so expensive (£170k a year inc taxi transport) but we won the placement at tribunal, and he attended there for 10 years. I believe it's harder to get a placement these days although the school is in high demand so parents are still winning tribunals.

"Would you sacrifice your own wellbeing for your child and home educate?"

Didn't have the luxury of a choice, DD can't cope in a setting that's not home with a parent, at a push another trusted adult but not for very long. She simply stops functioning and then you can't just drop of a non functioning child at school and go to work. We're working on helping her build up to more on it but it is slow teeny tiny baby steps.

Teaching qualifications aren't required, most home ed parents aren't teachers but they facilitate learning. I can't teach DD, demand avoidance makes it near impossible and yet she's learning.

EOTAS isn't an option here because it would require breaking her again to put her in a school to fail and come out. I'd rather not get the LA involved when they probably won't help and we'd but stuck with their involvement for the long haul.

EOTAS isn't an option here because it would require breaking her again to put her in a school to fail and come out.

It doesn’t have to.

Yanbu

I would. You may also be less tired as you won't have to do the school run and pick up times, your schedule would be more flexible. You also won't have to use all the energy you are now trying to get a school to meet his needs. I would make sure he stayed connected to community and had plenty of social opportunities.

If you're not sure can you give it a go for a few months or a year? Then see how it's working? Some even manage to work out part-time school attendance.

We home ed. Best decision ever.
We do it through choice and it's wonderful. There is absolutely loads on in our home ed community, it's thriving.
I've seen so many SEN/neurodiverse/anxious children, new to home ed join our local groups. Completely withdrawn and some traumatised by school. And the difference in them, after a while is remarkable.
The biggest myth around home ed, is that the lack of opportunities to socialise. It's actually a running joke in our group, because all of our kids are such good friends and are living their best lives!

I think we have a fair shot of EOTAS without having to go to another school, and appreciate we are lucky in this.

We tried a couple of alternative provision activities last week, that he normally enjoys but there was a tiny instruction element to them and the screaming, self injuring and traumatised toilet behaviours started. From less than 3 hours of lowish demand activities. I am worried the LA will insist on what they themselves have called "real learning".

I did and I do. Best decision ever.

Yes, we did for a few years. Eldest started reception at 4 and 2 weeks, was very not ready. We took her out, and she then rejoined at her suggestion in yr 4.

Middle child didn't start until yr 2.

We would do it again happily, but all 3 kids are currently happy and settled in school. 2 in high school, one in yr 1

I’ve known parents negotiate an EOTAS package that involved having a paid for person to take the child to activities such as home ed social and sports groups. As others have said it should be a bespoke package to the child’s needs so shouldn’t mean just hours of ‘sit down’ tuition if that’s not what the child needs.

One thing to consider is that your DCs behaviour is likely become less 'severe' once they aren't so traumatised.

As some say, I don't have a choice. My DC would be utterly unable to cope, even the LAs ed psych said that they would benefit from home ed as they couldn't support them properly. My child is happy. I now work in a different way to how I thought I would.

In a way I think your background in ASD school support and teaching isn't helpful to you. I think it's getting in the way of actually responding to the child in front of you - learning how neurotypical people think ASD should be 'supported' in the school system is one very big step removed from actually being a parent to a child with ASD. There are plenty of ways to end up with an 'educated' child.

What contacts have you made in local ASD support groups? Or the local home ed community? For example, I struggled with the local branch of the well known ASD charity group as their approach doesn't work for us, but there is a smaller parent led one which is great. Those connections do help, especially the home ed ones.

I get that caring interrupts the plans you have for your life. My opinion is that you get on with it.

I’m in a similar situation, although financially I can’t give up work. I’m a qualified teacher, although no longer work as one.

my dd has been out of school since April, we are currently waiting for a specialist school place.

Personally I don’t want to HE (I always thought I would before I had children!). It’s too much, too instense. My dd is needs me a lot as it is, and at 11 won’t work independently. I’ve tried! I share custody with her dad, 50/50, but often end up having her more as she is very attached to me as her ‘expert carer’.

Maybe I’m a terrible mother, but the thought of it fills me with dread. I crave my time away from her as her needs are so instense.

We fell out a lot during lockdown trying to HE (and this was proper HE, child led, not doing school work). She will only do it if I do everything with her, and I need space from her sometimes.

I think it would break me. But it’s what everyone suggest! As it is I work full time and need to to pay my mortgage. And I want to work too.

Stop focusing on what you think the LA want &/or will allow and insist on, you are appealing to SENDIST so the LA doesn’t get to make the final the decision.