But is 'partner' an over-used word?

[horseyhorsey17]

Just a light-hearted thing but a bit of a bugbear of mine...it (very mildly) annoys me that people now use the word 'partner' where we would have said boy/girlfriend back in the 90s. You see it on here - someone has been on five dates and now refers to their date as their 'partner.' Partner to me implies a serious, committed, long-term relationship including co-habitation - if not you're not really 'partnering' are you?

I get that girl/boyfriend might not seem that appropriate for people dating in their 30s or older - and might not cover all options for how people identify - but 'partner' still makes me go 'urgh!'

I’m not a fan, particularly in early days of a relationship before it’s a long-term or serious etc.

I called DH my boyfriend right up until we got married even though we were in our 30s as I didn’t like saying partner or fiance.

but then again, I know some people hate saying boyfriend / girlfriend past teens or 20s.

I guess it bothers me if they don’t appears to be an actual partnership? It sounds a bit insincere.

I don't think it's a gay coinage at all. It has been used for decades by heterosexual people in a a serious, committed relationship who may be cohabiting and have children together, but who aren't married.

What is certainly noticeable on Mn (though I've not noticed it elsewhere) is that it's increasingly used to mean 'someone I've recently started dating'.

We could start using "companion"

I have been with my "partner" for 30 years now. It sometimes annoys me when people imply that our relationship isn't as real or serious as a marriage that happened a year ago. I have seen so many marriages come and go since my and DP have been together, we are getting married soon to to protect each other financially but it will make zero difference to our relationship.

The gays started using it in the late 70s early 80s to be deliberately non-specific.

Partner is absolutely an appropriate word for a 30
year relationship.

there are people who start using the term for someone after one date. I’ve even seen people use it for someone they are just texting. Those are not partners.

@PPyramusandThisbe it did start with gay people. In about the 70s. By the 90s lots of unmarried straight people living together were using it as well.
Language evolves and partner is a good example.

To me, this is a totally appropriate use of partner.

it’s the partner when they’ve been dating a week which I find odd. How can you really be in a partnership so early on?!

@underneaththeash

No you have a boyfriend. You aren’t partners as you don’t have an entwined life where you share money and housing.

I think this is such an odd attitude. Sharing money and housing isn't a benchmark of commitment. It's perfectly possible to be totally committed without cohabiting. And in fact a lot of people these days share housing just to save cash, as opposed to out of any real depth of commitment.

It's almost as if people want to see a partner as "marriage lite".

I actually think it takes more commitment to make a relationship work when you're not living together than it does if you're just bunking up to save on the rent.

@Ponderingwindow & @cakecoffeecakecoffee Well I am glad to hear it 😁

Partner absolutely started in the gay community. It was the term for couples who were prevented by law from marrying. Calling someone your partner was the same as saying husband or wife. It meant something. It was picked up by other couples who chose to have marriage like relationships without the paperwork.

Or just my man? I refer to my boyfriend (55/60) as my man.

Bit possessive perhaps.

I don’t really notice people doing this, it’s usually ‘a guy I’m seeing’ or something like that. I agree partner implies a committed relationship

I like that term as well as partner, befitting my age 👍 as well me and my partner's activities.

My man sounds awful. Like a Catherine Cookson heroine.

This is similar to my partner and I. In fact, few people know we aren’t actually married. Been together for longer than all of our married friends, etc etc etc.

@Isittimeformynapyet "Or just my man? I refer to my boyfriend (55/60) as my man." But I would think that meant my hipster friend from the 1970s. How could I possibly know what you meant?

As for "companion" how can I possibly know what you mean- to me it means the friends and supporters of King Arthur....

I agree with this. I am not married but in an 8 year relationship with a shared mortgage and a child. I use partner to refer to him when speaking to professionals like the doctor etc because it is a recognised term for person you are in a relationship with but not married to. I wouldn't use boyfriend because of the longevity of our relationship and I have to refer to him as something. If I'm talking to someone at work or friends I refer to him by his name. To me partner is just what people call someone they're in a relationship with but not married to, I don't think much deeper into it than that.

@CurlewKate
That's a whole lot of not possibly knowing what people mean

I do agree partner is an overused word , it's everywhere . Bugs me when my husband of over thirty years is referred to as a partner .

@Finlesswonder "That's a whole lot of not possibly knowing what people mean"

Indeed. It's a Mumsnet speciality.

@Guiltyfeethavegotnorhythm0 "Bugs me when my husband of over thirty years is referred to as a partner"

Why?

@CurlewKate Because that's what his relationship is to me. You would not refer to your aunt as a friend . They are a relative .

I'm with my partner of some years because we want to be, not because we're entangled with mortgages etc. We don't want to blend families and it's very important to me that my childrens' home won't disappear if someone decides to stop sleeping with their mother like happened last time with my exH. I get really irritated when people try and police what I can refer to him as. We're in our 50s FFS so no I am not using boyfriend. In the absence of some other appropriate term, that's it.