But is 'partner' an over-used word?

[horseyhorsey17]

Just a light-hearted thing but a bit of a bugbear of mine...it (very mildly) annoys me that people now use the word 'partner' where we would have said boy/girlfriend back in the 90s. You see it on here - someone has been on five dates and now refers to their date as their 'partner.' Partner to me implies a serious, committed, long-term relationship including co-habitation - if not you're not really 'partnering' are you?

I get that girl/boyfriend might not seem that appropriate for people dating in their 30s or older - and might not cover all options for how people identify - but 'partner' still makes me go 'urgh!'

No.
I get to choose how I refer to him and someone else not liking it is not my problem.
He's my partner.

I hate the word 'partner' - it makes me cringe, although I can't put my finger on why. Just gives me the ick. I've been with my boyfriend for over 10 years and we have several kids together. I refer to him as my boyfriend until he wants to upgrade himself to husband 😂

Yeah I get stuck in this one too, in our fifties together 10 years no intention to marry but live together, I call him my housemate! But we share the same bed. Usually starts a conversation

I'm nearly 50. We have been together for 2 years.
He's my gentleman friend to anyone that knows me but not him.
To outsiders it's hard to describe him. He's not my partner. We don't live together. I am too old for a boyfriend. Because he's not a boy.
Man friend sounds dubious!!

There needs to be a word for this! I’m 50s, been seeing someone for 4 years, don’t live together because of kids. And I do not know how to refer to him!!!!

I did kind of see what you meant about 'partner' being overused, but you aren't leaving unmarried couples many options now are you? 😁

Boyfriend/girlfriend does feel a bit silly past about your mid-twenties.

I married mine just to get over the what to call each other (just kidding obviously but it does make it easier)
I did avoid 'boyfriend' when we were in our 40s though. Usually my partner when explained who he was, and then his name after that.

I don't think you need to live with someone to call them partner, unlike pp upthread. It feels to me more like a term to explain that you're in a relationship with someone you've picked/has picked you. Most suited to older couples though.

Interesting thread

Whenever a man refers to his partner I'm never quite sure if he's trying to tell me he's gay.

I use toyboy sometimes he's 6 months younger than me

YANBU. Partner as a term has gone on a real journey, hasn't it?

It used to be used by the gay community when referring to same-sex relationships if they didn't want to out themselves. Then straight couples adopted it, and it typically meant a longstanding, cohabiting, life-mingling relationship of the same standing and seriousness of marriage but without being married. As in, life partner.

And then somewhere along the line it became a catch-all for anyone you're seeing for any duration of time. I have to suppress a chuckle when eighteen year olds refer to their partner', someone they've been dating two months. I know it's an attempt to sound all grown up and serious but ironically it comes across more childish than just saying boyfriend or girlfriend. Like a little kid wearing mum's heels and pearls lol

It's a handy catch-all I suppose but it does mean it no longer carries the same weight it used to of a proper serious longterm committed relationship.

Calling someone a partner prematurely makes someone seem immature.

we can’t stop people from using the term, but they really should know that it makes them sound like children playing house.

A partner can mean many things, but essentially it is someone where the relationship is serious enough you are working together on shared life goals.

Too right.

I actually think the widespread use of 'partner' contributes to declining marriage rates, or more specifically to women who want commitment and marriage being more easily strung along by boyfriends. When you have to refer to your boyfriend all the time as someone in your thirties with kids and a mortgage it's a bit socially awkward and people give funny looks. Which does make you think about whether you are happy with the status of bf/gf despite all of those commitments. When people use the word 'partner' it gives a bit of the sheen of 'husband/wife' without being anything of the sort. It's like a way of skipping past commitment to get the title without actually bothering with the commitment.

Lost count of how many times I've met people who assume common law marriage is a thing because they've been living with their 'partner' for however long. I mean I'm glad it isn't a thing, for obvious reasons.

Manfriend and womanfriend?

Snap. It does come across very childish. Like someone is trying to jump forwards to long term commitment and pretend their relationship is that.

I really couldn't get excited about what people choose to call their significant other. I'm in my 50s and I still call my partner my "boyfriend" sometimes.

I also, as an aside, think it's ridiculous to see cohabitation as some sort of benchmark of commitment.

Plenty of people these days choose to be in long-term, committed relationships without cohabitation (often because of established children or because they don't want to live with another person). It doesn't necessarily detract from the quality of the relationship if you're not washing someone else's socks.

Partner was originally adopted by gay people before marriage was possible. It meant someone I live with who is like a wife or husband to me.
But language changes.

That's a fair point. I can't see myself co-habiting again - not even when my kids have left home, I just like my own space too much. But I suppose it's possible I might find a lover-manfriend-whoknowswhattocallhim.

Misused rather than overused. Someone you've been on five dates with is not even your boyfriend/girlfriend yet, in my opinion.

It does, but equally, words do still have meaning.

You can't police what other people call their other halves. I guess that term will be doomed any time soon, as well. 🙄mature people choose the term partner because it is perfectly civilised.

When I was growing up one of my neighbours had a "friend".

Prefer partner as it means my gay and lesbian friends and acquaintances don't automatically out themselves to homophobic people.

😂absolutely ridiculous. Good jobmost of us don't care that we come across as immature. That's your problem, not ours.

It's the reason the word business precedes partner, so the non ignorant can differentiate from business partners to those 'playing house'.

I say partner because im gay.
Being in my 40s rules out "girlfriend"
Not being married rules out "wife"
"Friend" as previously suggested just takes me back to before being out when the woman you were indeed sleeping with was referred to as "your friend" by your gran which is and will always be shudder worthy.

Dont actually like the word partner but alternatives are very limited.

@Millybob "I agree that 'boyfriend' is ridiculous once you hit 30 - but what's wrong with plain 'friend'?"

Because I have many friends and only one partner. And it's often quite important for people to know the nature of a relationship

And people who say "to me it means business partner" are being disingenuous or silly. Or are aliens from the planet Zog on their first trip to earth.

Boyfriend = you could vanish from his life tomorrow
Partner = you have bank accounts and pay rent/mortgage together

What I find weirder is how married people don't like you using the word partner to clearly mean partner. They can also get sniffy about you using the word "in law" for the relatives of the man you've been living with for the past 15 years