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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Met guy a few times, but ended it because I found out…

60 replies

Flutterbye22 · 05/10/2023 21:52

I found out he’s still living with his ex of 10 years and sharing a bed together!

I was absolutely livid when I found out because he told me they’d broken up 6 months ago, but she was still living with him temporarily as she has nowhere to go. But he said she has friends & family etc nearby.

I was really bad at him and told him it was unfair to start dating when your ex is still living with you, let alone sharing the same bed!!

what does everyone think about this? I raised it with him and he was barely apologetic, very matter of fact like yes you’re right, nothing I can do about it

😳

OP posts:
Original poster
Flutterbye22 · 06/10/2023 06:56

RantyAnty · 06/10/2023 02:11

He's a lying cheating ratbag.

It's a perfect excuse of living far away and finding someone to mess around with that doesn't live near enough to be able to catch them with their spouse at the shops while out.

Edited

Exactly what I thought.

god dating and trying to meet someone is such a nightmare. It’s a total minefield.

OP posts:
Takeabreather23 · 06/10/2023 10:02

Ask him if he minds if you go to a date at hos area next time and you can stop bye for a coffee and meet his ex , to put your mind at rest?
His face should tell it all . Remember actions are what we should listen to not words .
I’d put this one down to cheating unless something massive could show proof but tbh classic cheat behaviour.

1month · 06/10/2023 10:58

His name doesn’t start with R does it? Lol

99.9% of times when a man says he still lives with his DP he’s lying.

My friend went through a similar thing.
She’d regularly go to his home, meet up with his kids, spend weekends together etc.
Until her friend happened to be friends with someone who was friends with his wife.
This friend just happened to show her a photo saying how much she loves this wedding dress and the other friend recognised her so asked to see her profile and it was the wife who had numerous photos of her and her DH loved up kissing, photos of their recent wedding and sharing happy news about their recent pregnancy.

They weren’t even having issues.
It was all lies.

ASCCM · 06/10/2023 11:09

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 05/10/2023 21:54

He's not got an ex if he's sleeping with her still. He's cheating.

Amen.

ManateeFair · 06/10/2023 11:13

He's not separated; they're still shagging.

Even if they were separated and it was all platonic, I still wouldn't date him because it's a horrible mess and he's clearly not in any position for a new relationship.

Original poster
Flutterbye22 · 06/10/2023 11:33

ManateeFair · 06/10/2023 11:13

He's not separated; they're still shagging.

Even if they were separated and it was all platonic, I still wouldn't date him because it's a horrible mess and he's clearly not in any position for a new relationship.

Exactly.

I’ve blocked and deleted him now.

I feel like such a fool.

Absolutely hate online dating

OP posts:
Original poster
Flutterbye22 · 07/10/2023 23:39

TheBluntTruth · 05/10/2023 22:59

I think the blunt truth here is that you’re getting played by someone who is quite clearly still in a relationship. I’m not really sure how you can still live with your significant other, share a bed every night, wake up next to each other in the morning and still think it’s acceptable to date someone else… very strange behaviour indeed and I immediately suspect there’s more to the story than he lets on. The fact that he’s so nonchalant about the whole thing says he’s tried this before and doesn’t really care much for doing it. I’d be running for the hills if you’ve not already done so. I’ve never understood people like this and never will.

TheBluntTruth

Completely agree

OP posts:
Barrowgirl · 15/10/2023 16:58

And yet you have just started a thread TODAY about whether you should move 50 miles to be with him and have a baby with him

interesting

Original poster
Flutterbye22 · 15/10/2023 17:05

Barrowgirl · 15/10/2023 16:58

And yet you have just started a thread TODAY about whether you should move 50 miles to be with him and have a baby with him

interesting

No, that was another guy I met!

OP posts:
Blough · 15/10/2023 17:08

You’re ‘unsure’? Why? You’re considering moving to have your lover call by for sex? Sounds shit.

Barrowgirl · 15/10/2023 17:08

You started the thread op… last week

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 15/10/2023 17:08

I just watched as a response was posted and then completely changed.

DrinkingMyWaterMindingMyBiz · 15/10/2023 17:09

That’s not an ex. You were the “side chick”, as the kids say.

cartagenagina · 15/10/2023 17:09

Flutterbye22 · 15/10/2023 17:05

No, that was another guy I met!

Edited
Show quote history

What!!???

Barrowgirl · 15/10/2023 17:09

But the “other guy”

But the one you have just started a thread on about moving to be with him and wanting a baby 🤦‍♀️

Barrowgirl · 15/10/2023 17:10

This is farcical

Blough · 15/10/2023 17:16

You know we can click to see your edit?

daytriptovulcan · 15/10/2023 17:18

Isn't that a long winded way of saying he's in a relationship...still 😆

lemonskittles · 15/10/2023 17:18

I'm assuming the OP doesn't realise that we can see the original reply thats been edited

Barrowgirl · 15/10/2023 17:20

Blough · 15/10/2023 17:16

You know we can click to see your edit?

How??

Barrowgirl · 15/10/2023 17:20

This is embarrassing OP

CutiePatooties · 15/10/2023 17:21

Yep, we can see your edit and if you’re after advice it really is better to be honest anyway, otherwise why post? Your edit actually sounded worse imo!

Do not move 50 miles away and put a deposit down on a house for you both AND have a baby with someone who is still sleeping with his ex while he is seeing you.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 15/10/2023 17:22

Just press on Edited @Barrowgirl I saw it happen in real time.

Absolute fantasist

Barrowgirl · 15/10/2023 17:25

Oh op

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