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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Met guy a few times, but ended it because I found out…

60 replies

Flutterbye22 · 05/10/2023 21:52

I found out he’s still living with his ex of 10 years and sharing a bed together!

I was absolutely livid when I found out because he told me they’d broken up 6 months ago, but she was still living with him temporarily as she has nowhere to go. But he said she has friends & family etc nearby.

I was really bad at him and told him it was unfair to start dating when your ex is still living with you, let alone sharing the same bed!!

what does everyone think about this? I raised it with him and he was barely apologetic, very matter of fact like yes you’re right, nothing I can do about it

😳

OP posts:
EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 05/10/2023 21:54

He's not got an ex if he's sleeping with her still. He's cheating.

BunnyMummy91 · 05/10/2023 21:55

I understand financially them maybe still living together (I personally wouldn't be on board with it) but sharing a bed 😅 that's not okay! Don't look back!

Zola1 · 05/10/2023 21:55

Not an ex

TeeBee · 05/10/2023 21:56

Deadwood.

x2boys · 05/10/2023 21:57

Well you had a lucky escape and are best of out.of it tbh.

Worriedmum159 · 05/10/2023 21:59

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 05/10/2023 21:54

He's not got an ex if he's sleeping with her still. He's cheating.

The truest thing on the internet

SpringboksSocks · 05/10/2023 21:59

Bizarre… and he thinks you’d be ok with the arrangement?

Globules · 05/10/2023 21:59

That's hilarious.

What a prat he is!

TheDuchessOfMN · 05/10/2023 21:59

How did you find out?

Takeabreather23 · 05/10/2023 22:09

You are being unreasonable if you are thinking of staying with this cheating rat bag .

The end

Densol57 · 05/10/2023 22:17

The bloke is a cheater and taking women for a fool. Probably been doing this for years.
you are well out of it 👍🏼

Hawkins0009 · 05/10/2023 22:22

either very truthfully and then its omg, a swinger or poly, or a cheater

NotSuchASmugMarried · 05/10/2023 22:29

Where on earth did you meet him? Didn't other local people know he was already living with someone and warn you?

1month · 05/10/2023 22:38

Just be thankful you found out now and not 6 months down the line.

determinedtomakethiswork · 05/10/2023 22:44

So he has a partner who doesn't realise that they are separated?

TheBluntTruth · 05/10/2023 22:59

I think the blunt truth here is that you’re getting played by someone who is quite clearly still in a relationship. I’m not really sure how you can still live with your significant other, share a bed every night, wake up next to each other in the morning and still think it’s acceptable to date someone else… very strange behaviour indeed and I immediately suspect there’s more to the story than he lets on. The fact that he’s so nonchalant about the whole thing says he’s tried this before and doesn’t really care much for doing it. I’d be running for the hills if you’ve not already done so. I’ve never understood people like this and never will.

TheBluntTruth

PrincessHoneysuckle · 05/10/2023 23:03

Me ans exH bizarrely shared a bed after splitting.Both of us refused to go on the sofa.I moved out 4 months later.
It's possible that he's telling the truth.

XenoBitch · 05/10/2023 23:06

Like @PrincessHoneysuckle , I have been in this situation too. Our relationship was long over. We had drifted apart and were just flatmates in the end. We shared a bed (with no funny business at all!) until I found another place a few months later.
He had found a new girlfriend when I was still living there too. He ended up marrying her.

Trez1510 · 05/10/2023 23:16

TheDuchessOfMN · 05/10/2023 21:59

How did you find out?

I'd also like to know how OP found this out. In addition I'd like to know the partner's response to being 'called out' regarding his living arrangements before I form a view.

MsRosley · 05/10/2023 23:29

Massive red flag. Huge.

Atethehalloweenchocs · 06/10/2023 00:16

Two choices - either he is lining up his next relationship so he can move on with no breaks, or he is looking for an affair. Gross.

Original poster
Flutterbye22 · 06/10/2023 01:46

Trez1510 · 05/10/2023 23:16

I'd also like to know how OP found this out. In addition I'd like to know the partner's response to being 'called out' regarding his living arrangements before I form a view.

Show quote history

He told me.

He was straight up pretty much from the beginning. He told me they haven’t really been a couple for a long time… but she’s bought a new house and is waiting to complete on it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flutterbye22 · 06/10/2023 01:47

He isn’t from my area. He lives miles away from me. We met on a dating app. He works in the same county as me as he travels for work… it has crossed my mind that that’s the perfect recipe to lie to someone, to match with and pick someone who is out of his locality.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flutterbye22 · 06/10/2023 01:49

PrincessHoneysuckle · 05/10/2023 23:03

Me ans exH bizarrely shared a bed after splitting.Both of us refused to go on the sofa.I moved out 4 months later.
It's possible that he's telling the truth.

This is what I wonder.

he was upfront quite early on I guess. It’s an unusual and bizarre situation but I can understand it. He did say I was right and he should’ve waited to go on a dating app he even said mentally he’s ready to meet someone new but practically not as she’s still there

OP posts:
RantyAnty · 06/10/2023 02:11

He's a lying cheating ratbag.

It's a perfect excuse of living far away and finding someone to mess around with that doesn't live near enough to be able to catch them with their spouse at the shops while out.