Cost of living. I'm having a meltdown tonight.

[TwentyTwenty20]

I put my heating on for an hour or so this morning because I forgot to dry my son's school uniform, and my landlord won't let me install a tumble dryer. It cost me an extra £2. I didn't put my heating on until January last year. We lived under the duvet until then. I got my son changed under the covers. I used to just get in the bath and stay there in the evening to keep warm. I'm a lone parent, I take home £2100 a month and get £140 UC, £96 child benefit. My rent is £1000 a month. Council tax £150 with SP discount. Electric, gas, petrol, car insurance, Internet, school uniform, food, life insurance, water bills, £130 on before and after school clubs so I can work, then there's failed MOT which I had to put on a credit card which I'm paying off, tv license, phone bill etc. Then there's life and scraping by so my son can continue his gymnastics hes been doing since he was 2. Council is awful and you can't apply for any of the cost of living stuff unless they have 'identified you'. I've done income and expenditure with a professional and they've said I've pretty much cut back as far as I can. They fine tooth combed my bank statements. How is the amount I make not enough? I have applied for 6 cheaper houses in the last month and none will rent to me. I'm 400 and something on the list for council housing. 10 years ago I was on 18k a year and comfortable and saving.

Will this ever get better? That's a genuine question because I can do all the cutting back I can but if I keep getting knocked back for cheaper housing and higher paid jobs I just don't know how I will go on. It is no life and I don't enjoy getting out of bed in the morning anymore.

Forgot to add his dad earns over 40k a year but works for his friend and declares 16k a year so I get a whopping £7 a week from him.

Men like this; men who are abject failures as men and fathers, should be set on fire.

How can they live knowing their son lives in a home where he’s contributing to the fact that they cannot afford to have heating on?

Do they just tap into their own bitterness and blame the mother for that, rather than seeing they could help but actively took steps to deny their own child money that could make their lives more comfortable?

You need a dehumidifier, screwfix sell an excellent one for under £150. Very low running costs, has a laundry mode for drying washing and left running on low will help prevent damp in a cold house.

Forgot to add, can you ask for supermarket vouchers from anyone who buys you Christmas gifts (eg parents, grandparents etc) so you can choose a small gift for you/DS and spend the rest on food to free up money within your budget, rather them choosing gifts that might not be useful/wanted? They might not realise you're struggling due to your rent going up and DSs father not paying the right amount.

I really understand this op. I've just taken on an extra job doing 4 nights a week but its horrible. I'm tired, grumpy and feel like I've no life.

Forgot to add his dad earns over 40k a year but works for his friend and declares 16k a year so I get a whopping £7 a week from him.

This is easily resolved because you can report both your ex and the employer for tax fraud. If what you are saying here is true there will be a paper trail of some type.

Don't pay TV license fill out the declaration form
Use YouTube or Internet instead

Try Olio for free food & household things

Try Too Good To Go food waste apps
You have to collect yourself
You cannot choose what you get
It's like a surprise bag of goodies

That’s not all what that person is saying, so why are you saying she is?

But yeah, as I said last night, I see the main issue here is struggling on one income. She’s paying the going rate for her home, so her rent isn’t the problem. It’s impossible these days to have a good quality of life when it’s only you bringing home money, unless you’re on a high income.

All those saying the OP has spare money have overlooked the fact that £60-70 is unlikely to be enough to pay her energy bill, she hasn't included her car tax or anything for MOT/repairs etc, her grocery bill is far lower than what she'd be allowed on a formal debt management plan, nothing included for clothes, school shoes etc, nothing to replace a broken washing machine etc, no leisure costs apart from the gymnastics club,no money for school trips/dress up days etc and probably not accounted for other costs too.

@enchantedsquirrelwood lovelyname! Anyway op has said she’s reported the ex numerous times and nothing gets done.

OP you are doing amazingly. Your ex is a prick of the highest order and I hope he gets his karma.

The reason it won’t get better is that we have consistently voted in a political party that focus on individualism. The ‘I’m alright Jack’ approach, who sell us the lie that if we just work hard enough we too could ‘have it all’.

We can’t all ‘have it all’.

The pandemic taught us just how much we need a wide range of roles to keep us going and they should all be paid a decent amount.

We need a wholesale change. We need to tax WEALTH more. Not income. Those with the most money, buy up all the assets which makes it impossible for those without wealth to get out of the renting trap.

Basically, in the current system, the more you have, the more you get. The current government have relied on something called ‘trickle down economics’. The idea is that the more money we make as a country, the more there is circulating and we are all better off. It’s been shown not to work and actually what happens is that the workers, work their arses off, shorter lives, worse health and the ‘owners’ hoard their wealth and hoover up all the assets (eg property). That drives up house prices and makes it more and more unaffordable to buy your own house. it puts them in a position of power and control - that they of course want to keep. So they then do whatever they can to maintain the current system. You get big businesses lobbying the Government and have a ‘seat at the table’ when policy decisions are being made.

We have a particular set of circumstances that are impacting now too - Brexit, Covid, war in Europe, Truss, and Climate change (which will further drive up the cost of food).

My advice OP is be VERY careful who you vote for. You read the news but make sure you read different types of news come the next election. Don’t believe the headlines. Go direct to each political party’s manifesto.

Again, your calculations are wrong. Plus the figures OP has given for food/toiletries/cleaning products and gas and electricity are very low. My dad spends more on gas and electricity for his modern two bed flat.

Then there’s lots of other things that haven’t been accounted for such as car maintenance costs - I had to spend £186 on new tyres this month.

And I haven’t seen any effective recommendations for cutting costs on this thread. People are going on about OP’s insurances being high. Well, given that my car and my home insurance have both doubled this year despite having no claims, I think it’s very unlikely that OP will get them any lower.

Last month I needed a new tyre, school uniform which I bought second hand, this month is my son's birthday, it will start getting cold, Christmas coming up. I'm not sating I have 0, but it's not easy.

I agree. Too many women (its mainly women) are left to struggle financially bringing up the children of fathers who duck their parental responsibilities. Genuine sanctions should be introduced.

OK well I've added it up to 2140 so unless my calculator is broken I don't know what to say. That gives me 196 left over, so £45 a week, which has to cover things like school uniform, spare tyre last month, general life living, birthday and Christmas presents, play dates which we often skip. Yes I have some money left over but how much will that be when I have to have my heading on. £25 a week? My list has included bare necessities apart from a couple of things which I will consider getting rid of. Trying to argue that £45 a week and 0 ability to save is a fair amount I find really baffling.

This thread kept me up last night (not the OPs fault but it put an itch into my brain). I've become irrationally angry at non resident parents again. They get to swan off, work the hours they wish, their money is theirs, their leisure time their own. Meanwhile single parents have to either reduce their hours and earnings or fork out on huge sums of childcare, every spare bit of money goes on the children, and very little in terms of leisure time without yet again paying for childcare.

I think a review of CSA is needed to incorporate 50% childcare fees on top as a child in childcare enables both parents to work.

De tune your TV - cancel the tv licence, there are many free channels. Just don't watch the BBC iPlayer or live TV.

https://www.tvlicensing.co.uk/check-if-you-need-one/topics/cancellations-and-refunds-top7

Change internet and phone to social tariffs. You shouldn't pay a penalty to break existing contract for switching to a social tariff.

https://www.ofcom.org.uk/phones-telecoms-and-internet/advice-for-consumers/costs-and-billing/social-tariffs

Not huge savings, but it all helps.

Good luck.

Current outgoings are £2140, income £2336 - so you're left with just under £200 each month (or more, if your shopping/fuel spending is at the lower end of estimates), which is a pretty healthy slush fund actually.

I assume some or all of the loan/debt will be repaid soon, so that will free up another £200-odd per month.

Your water bill seems a little high for just the two of you - do you have a water meter - that can work out far cheaper. Four adults in our household and water bill is around £36 per month on a meter (and DS2 takes half-hour showers!).

Do you need life insurance now? It's a nice to have, but if you don't have a mortgage then it could be just an unnecessary spend. Ditto the separate phone/internet bill - basic internet is much cheaper and you can get a basic mobile phone connection for around £5 SIM-only - cheaper to buy a second-hand warranted phone from somewhere like CEX and get a SIM-only deal.

Insurances - contents sounds reasonable but car insurance sounds very high - if you're not driving a particularly new/expensive car then definitely shop around as unless you have a poor driving history or live in a bad area that sounds high.

I know it's been done to death, but try CMS again re the father's earnings - if you know the income then there must be a way to trace it through the company books.

Finally, the issue with not being able to move - are you being discriminated against because you are a lone parent? That's illegal... https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/housing/discrimination-in-housing/checking-if-its-discrimination/check-if-your-housing-problem-is-discrimination/

Good luck, things will get better especially once you have finished all the debt repayments. It's always harder when the children are young, but the childcare fees will drop off, debt repayments will drop and you have a really good salary and I assume prospects and security. You're doing a great job raising your lovely son, and don't be so hard on yourself.

Some general observations- do not mess around with Council Tax repayments. Councils are now initiating court actions virtually straightaway becuse this prevents debt ever becoming statute barred. We already spend nearly 30 billion pounds subsidising rental costs in this country per annum. There is no way LHA rates will be increasing
The advice to apply for a DHP is sound however local authorities are abusing these budgets by using them to clear council tenant rent arrears when said tenants have already had their rent reimbursed in full via UC but not actually paid their rent with it. This requires oversight, local authorities cannot be trusted and private sector tenants are missing out on vital help
The only way to achieve a vaguely affordable private rental is to rent, say, a one bed property when you're entitled to a two bed LHA rate or look at non standard housing. Plenty of ways to exploit the housing element of UC which I won't detail. The Housing Costs Element is based on what your entitlement is, not what you actually rent
Both JSA and Housing Benefit still very much exist, wish people would stop with the fake pronouncements. Personally, I would like to see massive reform of the Housing Act to reward endeavour and an audit of every single social housing property
OP, I would protect your credit history and start looking into part ownership housing projects locally. You can apply directly to the scheme provider. Could you manage without a car? I would play around with UC calculators and see how your benefits would be affected by you dropping hours. Does your unwell relative have anyone claiming Carers Allowance or the carers element for them? You have options and thank you for posting

Don’t pay tv license for a start.

But how much of a deposit would I need for part ownership? What kind of mortgage would I get on my wage? It feels impossible.

Posters saying the water bill seems high, do you not realise water rates vary across the country?

Where me and DH were living 6 years ago our water rates were £46 a month. We had a meter and were as frugal with water as we could be.

Where we live now our water rates are £30 a month. Again, we have a meter and are pretty frugal with water. We both only take 3 minutes in the shower