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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is not a joke let alone a funny one.

105 replies

Fatcat00 · 05/10/2023 20:43

NC for this as outing if linked to other posts and I believe they’re on here.

One of my best friends dad has a habit of eating her food and thinking it’s the height of hilarity. She still lives at home and is 29 if it’s relevant. various factors mean she can’t move out at the moment.

we went to a beautiful bakery on a day out to London a couple of weeks back and bought some gorgeous little cupcakes, one for each person in the household. Her parents were given there’s. Her dad then later ate hers as well which was in the fridge.

My son sees her as an aunty and we do spend a lot of time together, a couple of months back me my son and my friend were all having dinner together, he came over and said to my son oooh what are you eating give me a bit, my son was a bit taken back and said no, he then proceeded to take the food anyway which really upset my son.

now yesterday we have again bought some beautiful little cakes on a day out of town. But Special trip to a bakery we wanted to try. We ate there, and this time friend only bought one cake for herself. She went to get it from the fridge and it was gone. He’d ate it. She was so upset as she’d had a bad day so I sent her a box of cakes from a local bakery via deliveroo. She was thrilled. Ate one. Told him in no uncertain terms to leave them alone, she has came home today and he’s eaten them all. 6 cakes. I am livid. for my friend and for the fact I’ve spent £30 on a box of 6 cakes for him to gobble and leave her upset again. He’s in fits of laughter but I really don’t think it’s funny

OP posts:
Isittimeformynapyet · 06/10/2023 02:27

Dare I ask if this wealthy arsehole could help his daughter financially........ sorry, silly question.

Aria999 · 06/10/2023 02:41

That's appalling.
Next cake with a big glob of mustard in the middle?

RantyAnty · 06/10/2023 02:44

He's an abusive twat.

I love the idea of dog food, chili powder, or any other food you know he hates in some special cupcakes just for him!

ThreeLeggedPug · 06/10/2023 02:44

Buy her a lockable mini fridge. Horrid selfish man

MrsElsa · 06/10/2023 03:00

Sounds like a dysfunctional family dynamic. Everyone knows it's wrong and abusive of him to keep eating her cake. But, you and friend are feeding the drama (no pun intended).

What's more important to her, trying to fight her (abusive) father or eating cake?

If this is really about cake then she can bring them secretly and put them in her room out of sight under bed or in wardobe etc next time. Not mention it to her father at all

daisychain01 · 06/10/2023 03:23

Not saying the DFs behaviour is OK, but if she knows he's like that, why does she keep doing the same thing (putting cakes/food in a place where he can find it) and expect a different result.

You've said she's done that numerous times, Knowing what he's like would surely make her put it somewhere he can't get his grubby hands on it.

Moldywarpedalright · 06/10/2023 03:35

I’m not excusing his behaviour as your friend’s father sounds like an insensitive arse, but I assume he is paying for quite a large percentage of her expenses and maybe not charging full rent if she has moved in owing to physical and financial abuse?

I am not saying it’s right but in his own mind he might rationalise his behaviour weighing up value of box of cupcakes v value of monthly rent and utilities etc without considering the emotional side of things?

Original poster
Fatcat00 · 06/10/2023 07:40

Thanks for replies. If she were to do the lock idea he would 100% just remove it as he’d see it as a game and owns every tool known to man.
definitely going to get revenge now

OP posts:
determinedtomakethiswork · 06/10/2023 07:47

Fatcat00 · 05/10/2023 20:54

She will move out as soon as she’s able. She’s not long fled an abusive boyfriend who financially and physically abused her so she can’t at the moment. which kind of makes me all the more rage-y

I really feel for her. You can see how she ended up with that abusive partner when that was what she was used to at home.

LunaNorth · 06/10/2023 07:50

There’s a fair bit of blaming a woman for the poor behaviour of men on this thread.

What a cunt he sounds. She needs a mini fridge for her room. If he goes snooping in her room, I’d say he’s escalated and your friend should move out as soon as she is able to.

sodthesodoff · 06/10/2023 08:01

Is there a mum around? Or anyone on her side?

He's a controlling Cunt. She needs to get away as soon as she can.

Definitely get a lockable mini fridge for her room.

LookItsMeAgain · 06/10/2023 08:01

Could you either phone him or write him a letter saying that as a woman his behaviour has been the root cause of his own flesh and blood seeking out a similarly vile human being who has abused his daughter. The example he has set and is setting is abusive and while it might be low-level abuse (taking something that isn't his and then laughing in her face when she was expecting to be able to eat part of a gift for her and her alone) it is still abusive towards her. Give him a bit of a wake up call that he is just a horrible individual.

When he gets older, your friend is NOT to be the crutch in the relationship. She should quite probably go very very low contact as soon as she is able. I hope she manages to get her own place sooner rather than later because his behaviour is demoralising.

I would definitely start out by making some cupcakes and lacing one set with laxative. Be sure to put different icing on the top of the cakes so that only the ones with laxative would be offered to him.

Best of luck to you both!

icelollycraving · 06/10/2023 08:03

It sounds a very unhealthy relationship all in all. What I don’t understand is when they know he will eat the cakes, why they keep going in the fridge. Treat her to a lovely lunch out or flowers. He sounds like a cock, and it’s no wonder she has had an abusive relationship.
My first thought was laxatives but really? Really? That’s upping the ante and I wouldn’t. He is clearly going to enjoy the game and it could get really bloody damaging.
I’d encourage her to get together the finances to be independent.

ElFupacabra · 06/10/2023 08:04

Sounds like her abusive father has set the tone for men in her life. I hope she can get out there ASAP as living with such a repulsive man isn’t going to do her any good.

Passepartoute · 06/10/2023 08:25

Your friend needs to say something about her father's sense of humour. Maybe a few well-placed comments about how most people have grown out of finding that funny by the age of 6?

User0000009 · 06/10/2023 08:27

Greedy, thoughtless cunt. How’s that funny?

Passepartoute · 06/10/2023 08:28

Fatcat00 · 06/10/2023 07:40

Thanks for replies. If she were to do the lock idea he would 100% just remove it as he’d see it as a game and owns every tool known to man.
definitely going to get revenge now

So isn't she allowed any privacy? Does he snoop around her room? Time to get a lock for the door. If the father breaks in, that's definitely time for your friend to move out.

RantyAnty · 06/10/2023 08:30

Fatcat00 · 06/10/2023 07:40

Thanks for replies. If she were to do the lock idea he would 100% just remove it as he’d see it as a game and owns every tool known to man.
definitely going to get revenge now

Tools! Maybe they can start to disappear one by one!

dextersontopofhiskennel · 06/10/2023 08:39

Or cover them with syrup. He could like them clean, the greedy bastard.

dextersontopofhiskennel · 06/10/2023 08:40

Lick!!!! Not like!!!

nettie434 · 06/10/2023 08:46

It really sounds as if her father believes his needs outweigh anyone else's. It's bad enough taking another adult's food but it's even more unacceptable to take your son's. Your suspicion that he would try and remove a fridge lock is also a sign that he is not amusing but controlling.

Agree that your friend needs to think about how her relationship with her dad has influenced her expectations about men. That's not victim blaming. It's about her becoming more assertive. Until she moves out, any treats should be things like a meal out or flowers, not something he can take.

Zonder · 06/10/2023 08:50

Does he go in her room? She needs a fridge in her wardrobe.

Or to only buy cakes that don't need a fridge and hide them in her room.

I hope she can escape this abusive relationship soon. Is he abusive to her mum too?

longwayoff · 06/10/2023 09:02

Time to bake some very hot chili and horseradish cupcakes. Put them in their fridge with strict instructions he is not to eat them. Sit back and laugh.

FictionalCharacter · 06/10/2023 10:49

Fatcat00 · 06/10/2023 07:40

Thanks for replies. If she were to do the lock idea he would 100% just remove it as he’d see it as a game and owns every tool known to man.
definitely going to get revenge now

Are you saying that if she bought a mini fridge for her room and locked it, he'd break the lock? Does he go in her room when she isn't there?

The game he's playing is "woman, nothing is yours, not even space." He'd be willing to damage property to put her in her place. This goes way beyond a few cakes and it's going to be very damaging for her after her previous abusive relationship. She needs help to get away from him urgently.

ManateeFair · 06/10/2023 11:54

He sounds absolutely vile. It's actually quite cruel.