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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel pain for my dd - who has been rejected

56 replies

Omfds · 03/10/2023 21:18

By a boy for the first time! She is 12, and after her being in a relationship with this boy who is a year older she is completely crushed cos he ended it suddenly:
she is so upset I just want to make it better but I can’t. He’s been horrid and blocked her on everything.
I know that in the long term this is life and she is 12, but she is crushed and therefore I am for her.

OP posts:
TheLightProgramme · 03/10/2023 21:24

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JD90 · 03/10/2023 21:24

You have my sympathy! My 14 year old daughter was dumped over the summer holidays and for around 3 days was utterly inconsolable, it was so horrible. Wouldn't eat, didn't sleep, was crying constantly, she was heartbroken. Nothing I could say or do was any help. It was such a shock because she'd has 'boyfriends' before but when it had ended wasn't remotely phased by it. Lots of trying to explain to her that I know it hurts now but it will get better and it did improve. They then ended up getting back together and she was too scared to tell me because she thought I'd be angry with her 🤦🏻‍♀️ that said the boy won't come to my house anymore (after being here everyday previously) and is apparently scared of me 🤣

Original poster
Omfds · 03/10/2023 21:25

?? She’s upset at the rejection from someone who has suddenly turned horrible was just explaining the context ffs

OP posts:
Lamelie · 03/10/2023 21:27

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Original poster
Omfds · 03/10/2023 21:28

Jd90
its just horrible watching them experience it. Obviously she is 12 so there was only ever one way it was going to go quite quickly but she is just more upset at the sudden rejection and being blocked. I’m a big believer in these things will make us stronger but it’s horrid she is having to go through it

OP posts:
dayofcheese · 03/10/2023 21:28

First dumping. It's sad.

Dunnoburt · 03/10/2023 21:30

I'm with you OP.... only just young enough to remember being 12 and "in love"......take her seriously and be there for her x

XenoBitch · 03/10/2023 21:31

Not sure what sort of relationship a 12 year old is having. Saying that, even being rejected by friends at that age can feel like the end of the world.

JD90 · 03/10/2023 21:31

It's tough because at that sort of age any sudden rejection whether friendship group or otherwise feels like the end of the world! Hormones are running rampant and everyone wants to be accepted and liked by people they like, but emotions are all so amplified in adolescence! Plus you feel like no one else could possibly understand. You'll both look back at it in years to come and recognise it for what it is, but for now you just have to be there as a shoulder.

UKsounding · 03/10/2023 21:35

OP Would you have the same reaction if your DD was rejected by a female friend? She would be crushed in that situation too, but mourn the loss of the friendship and in time recover and move on with her life and make other friends.

If your reaction is different because this friend was a boy, I think you need to consider how young she is and whether you want to push her towards adult-patterned female-male relationships with the consequences that can have for (young) girls. She is only 12 and many friends, girls and boys, will come and go in her life. Encourage her to focus on learning skills and having healthy experiences that will improve and widen her life rather than making a single male friend the focus of so much effort and energy by you both.

Original poster
Omfds · 03/10/2023 21:38

I would and have been this upset when she has been rejected by female friends, as my post says it’s the rejection she is suffering with and I just feel really attuned to her pain!
the thing is this hasn’t happened for a long time and she hasn’t ever shown this level of upset before

OP posts:
stayathomer · 03/10/2023 21:39

You should be feeling ashamed that you’ve ever encouraged this.
This is on you. 12 year old don’t need to be dating. She’s sad because you allowed her to get out of her depth.
Had to comment- this is such a mean thing to say- we know no details, it literally could be two best friends who shared hugs, holding hands or a first kiss.

Original poster
Omfds · 03/10/2023 21:42

Not even a hug lol. Just talking lots and walking home from School as a group

OP posts:
Tandora · 03/10/2023 21:43

Oh my Lord the comments on this thread 🙄🙄.

YANBU OP, it’s horrible to see your child suffering. ❤️

(and for all those clutching their pearls it’s totally normal at 12 to have romantic feelings for peers , and to have “dating relationships” In a 12 year old sort of way, which may never go beyond holding hands, but still feels like the whole world to a 12 yr old).

skippy67 · 03/10/2023 21:45

She'll be fine OP.

Lamelie · 03/10/2023 21:47

Sorry I retract my encouraging her comments then- poor kid Sad

Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 03/10/2023 21:47

Some of these replies are horrible op, ignore them.

My daughter had her heart broken and I'll never forget the sight of her rocking back and forth crying her heart out.

Hope she's feeling better soon x

Original poster
Omfds · 03/10/2023 21:50

Oh bless her that’s horrid. In between it all she’s having strong moments and I do know she will be ok. They are both just learning I guess just horrid watching her feel so sad and questioning why when I can see it is genuinely just due to them being 12/13

OP posts:
Fallenangelofthenorth · 03/10/2023 21:50

Sorry you've had a couple of vile comments.

I totally get it. Of course it was innocent at her age, I didn't think it needed to be spelled out but clearly it did. I remember feeling like that at a similar age and we didn't even hold hands, he just bought me a wham bar at the youth club disco and we said we were boyfriend and girlfriend. I still bawled my eyes out two weeks later when I was dumped for Gina Sassoon.

itsaquarterafterone · 03/10/2023 21:54

I can remember this. My Son at that age had a Dear John message off the girl across the road. She's lovely and he handled it OK but I knew he was upset. As a Mum it's hard not to care but he was fine.

Feellikeafailurenow · 03/10/2023 21:54

YABU as she is 12 so what she started her “relationship” at 11? If this is real grow up & if not 🙄 she’ll be fine

itsaquarterafterone · 03/10/2023 21:55

I can't be arsed to read the other replies if they are bitchy.

Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 03/10/2023 21:57

It is so hard to. I remember being terrified that my daughter might do something to hurt herself as these feelings are so powerful and at the age it feels like the end of the world.

My own heart was broken when I was 14 after being dumped for a girl that my brother would have a fiver year relationship with a few years later.

I met that boyfriend when I was thirty, he tried his best to get me into bed and as I walked out I said bloody hell, your penis must have stopped growing when you were 16 😁

itsaquarterafterone · 03/10/2023 21:57

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Don't be a twat. It's a friendship with someone of the opposite sex. Not some seedy affair. Get a grip.

I knew I shouldn't have gone back on my word and read replies.

Original poster
Omfds · 03/10/2023 21:58

Aww fallen Angel, it’s just brutal at this age isn’t it. Last week he wanted to go to thorpe park with her and this week he doesn’t want to know her.

OP posts: