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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel pain for my dd - who has been rejected

56 replies

Omfds · 03/10/2023 21:18

By a boy for the first time! She is 12, and after her being in a relationship with this boy who is a year older she is completely crushed cos he ended it suddenly:
she is so upset I just want to make it better but I can’t. He’s been horrid and blocked her on everything.
I know that in the long term this is life and she is 12, but she is crushed and therefore I am for her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Omfds · 03/10/2023 21:58

Lol it’saquarterafterone
thank you I try to ignore the silly comments too

OP posts:
Tribevibes · 03/10/2023 22:01

Hmm My DD is the same age and this doesn’t sit right with me. I would tell her to sort herself out, remember who her mum is (someone who wouldn’t cry over a bloke) and no doubt say something along the lines of “he was an ugly bastard anyway” but I would be telling her to get a grip at aged 12. Far too intense.

I would be more crushed at friendship issues to be honest as that’s understandable but there is no need for that at age 12

Fallenangelofthenorth · 03/10/2023 22:01

This reply has been deleted

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itsaquarterafterone · 03/10/2023 22:03

Tribevibes · 03/10/2023 22:01

Hmm My DD is the same age and this doesn’t sit right with me. I would tell her to sort herself out, remember who her mum is (someone who wouldn’t cry over a bloke) and no doubt say something along the lines of “he was an ugly bastard anyway” but I would be telling her to get a grip at aged 12. Far too intense.

I would be more crushed at friendship issues to be honest as that’s understandable but there is no need for that at age 12

Crap advice

Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 03/10/2023 22:04

@Tribevibes thank God you're not my mum.

Remember who your mum is, give over.

itsaquarterafterone · 03/10/2023 22:04

Theoriginalmrscillianmurphy · 03/10/2023 22:04

@Tribevibes thank God you're not my mum.

Remember who your mum is, give over.

I agree.

Fitz1987 · 03/10/2023 22:07

OP this must be so hard to watch as we have all been there at some point and also know that eventually she will be ok.
I had my first DD this summer and I remember saying to her, as I held her in my arms, "I hope no one ever breaks your heart" even though I know that it is going to happen the thought of it happening is already sad so of course you will be feeling for your daughter. Ignore the insensitive comments.

StarDolphins · 03/10/2023 22:07

This reply has been deleted

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It really doesn’t matter if she’s just ‘held his hand a few times’ though does it? The fact is, she’s 12 (difficult age) and she’s been rejected & is upset. The mum has empathy & is sounding off here.

Where on earth have you plucked that op has encouraged her to be more adult from?

Tribevibes · 03/10/2023 22:08

Lol. This is why my mates were sobbing in their beds over boys at aged 12 and I wasn’t. My mum would have absolutely pulled him apart to save my confidence 🤣 🤣. Seriously ladies…. Get a grip and start modelling some of this behaviour to your daughters. They do not need to cry over boys at aged 12. And if they do, you rip the boy a new arsehole (discreetly of course in your own household).

Oh and as a 35 year old I’ve been happily married for years 😄. Thank god I had a mum like mine 🤣.

Lamelie · 03/10/2023 22:10

@Fallenangelofthenorth OP has said it was walking together in groups- and I’ve explained my response was about parents who encourage 1:1 romantic relationships in 12yo.
Still stand by it 👍

LightSpeeds · 03/10/2023 22:10

Tribevibes · 03/10/2023 22:01

Hmm My DD is the same age and this doesn’t sit right with me. I would tell her to sort herself out, remember who her mum is (someone who wouldn’t cry over a bloke) and no doubt say something along the lines of “he was an ugly bastard anyway” but I would be telling her to get a grip at aged 12. Far too intense.

I would be more crushed at friendship issues to be honest as that’s understandable but there is no need for that at age 12

Let's hope this doesn't happen to your daughter at any point then because you won't be any support!

Original poster
Omfds · 03/10/2023 22:11

aw Fitz it’s hard isn’t it I hate the thought of her having to go through this again but I know she will. It’s just not something we can fix with a cuddle anymore

OP posts:
Original poster
Omfds · 03/10/2023 22:13

lol You can still give a postive string but sympathetic message to your dd and then come and offload on mumsnet for support. It’s not like I’m telling her all of this so I don’t need to get a grip

OP posts:
Original poster
Omfds · 03/10/2023 22:13

Exactly stardolphins thank you

OP posts:
Tribevibes · 03/10/2023 22:14

@LightSpeeds

My DD is 12 and yeah you are right. She’s not at the point of crying over boys. For a start she isn’t overly interested and is highly focused on her female friends. When she is older than 12 then yes that’s a different story and the appropriate support would of course be given but no, I wouldn’t really overly entertain this. I would tell her he was an ugly bastard and she was too good for him. Problem solved. You can definitely over indulge something like this…..

StarDolphins · 03/10/2023 22:15

@TheLightProgramme what an awful reply with so many assumptions.

Zooeyzo · 03/10/2023 22:15

Awww don't we all remember being dumped at that age by a boy we walked home with twice. Not much you can do OP apart from be there.
I'm dreading these years with my daughter

Original poster
Omfds · 03/10/2023 22:17

Zooeyzo aww im glad it’s normal. I never had this as a kid as I was a young carer for my dm and never got to do things like this so I’m glad it is part of the usual teenage years

OP posts:
Janieforever · 03/10/2023 22:21

At 12 she probably doesn’t even know if she’s straight or not yet, this is an expected behaviour she’s portraying, and I’m also not supportive of parents feeding this at this age.

Mindovermatter247 · 03/10/2023 22:42

personally I was usually the one dumping. But back at 12 we were dating boys for days before breaking up. I had 3 serious boyfriends before DP…. One of them was my best friend and we decided we would rather be friends, he never knew I was in love with him but I made the first indication to break up because I didn’t want to lose him if things went south romantically. Then he got with a girl we knew, he was besotted by her and she didn’t like him talking to other girls. ( we were best friends years before he knew her) he cut off all contact with his female friends, I didn’t speak to him for 15 years. We talk now occasionally over Facebook but he admitted to me, he felt embarrassed that he let her get in his head that way and he just cut his best friends out of his life. I was heart broken when he stopped all contact, and we weren’t even a couple, I never got suicidal or anything but it knocks you for 6, I was 14, hormonal and I still remember every feeling.

Original poster
Omfds · 03/10/2023 22:50

I’m actually dreading the serious ones when she is older!

OP posts:
TotalOverhaul · 03/10/2023 22:51

The first time they are dumped is so awful. But as you say, it's life, and they learn that they will get over it.

Be extra nice to her and use this as a chance to teach her to be extra nice to herself. Tell her when life is mean to you it's very important to treat yourself properly. Run her a bubble bath, wash her favourite PJs and lay them out, line up a really sweet non-romantic comedy on TV for her. Cook her favourite dinners for the next few days.

itsaquarterafterone · 03/10/2023 22:53

Tribevibes · 03/10/2023 22:08

Lol. This is why my mates were sobbing in their beds over boys at aged 12 and I wasn’t. My mum would have absolutely pulled him apart to save my confidence 🤣 🤣. Seriously ladies…. Get a grip and start modelling some of this behaviour to your daughters. They do not need to cry over boys at aged 12. And if they do, you rip the boy a new arsehole (discreetly of course in your own household).

Oh and as a 35 year old I’ve been happily married for years 😄. Thank god I had a mum like mine 🤣.

It was my Son who was upset. I'm not going to be nasty about a young girl. He's over it now but nobody needs to be ripping anybody a new arsehole.

Ladyzfactor · 03/10/2023 23:30

Learning how to deal with rejection is an important life skill. We've all heard stories, some ending in tragedies, of people who didn't learn this. This is a learning experience. It's important for young people, both male and female, to learn that no one is owed a relationship or their time, and that the person who rejected is not the villain in the story.

itsaquarterafterone · 03/10/2023 23:42

Ladyzfactor · 03/10/2023 23:30

Learning how to deal with rejection is an important life skill. We've all heard stories, some ending in tragedies, of people who didn't learn this. This is a learning experience. It's important for young people, both male and female, to learn that no one is owed a relationship or their time, and that the person who rejected is not the villain in the story.

I agree, have told my Son this.