Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 2 yo alone downstairs?

68 replies

Somuchconfusion · 03/10/2023 09:33

I have a baby and a 2 yo and I am finding it difficult.

The 2 yo is so loud, sometimes just because he’s 2 but also screams, bangs things on purpose when he sees his brother (10 weeks) is asleep. I’m not ‘supposed’ to let a 10 week old sleep alone but even if I decided to he won’t sleep unless on me so that’s difficult. So I’ve come upstairs so ds2 can have a nap while ds1 plays downstairs. Doesn’t feel great though. AIBU?

OP posts:
Tavernatess · 03/10/2023 09:35

Depends on whether the 2yo is in a safe play space.

If you’ve left them alone to play and he could hurt himself then yes, YABU.

as a parent it’s kind of important to have a risk analysis mindset. Is it safer for your 10 week old to nap with a monitor or your 2 year old to play alone?

Fourfurrymonsters · 03/10/2023 09:36

Are you aware of exactly how much trouble a 2-year old can get themselves into in the space of literally seconds?

Anothernamechangeee · 03/10/2023 09:37

Get your 2 year old some special toys he only gets to play with while the baby is napping

put the baby down for a nap. They will be fine for an hour.

im sure the 2 year old is playing up because he feels ignored by his sibling getting the attention from mummy and knowing he’s left alone while the baby naps

Original poster
Somuchconfusion · 03/10/2023 09:49

@Tavernatess i would agree if he would but he just won’t, ds1 was the same but obviously I could just sit holding him. I just did it for the first time today so don’t think he’s playing up for that reason

OP posts:
meganorks · 03/10/2023 09:49

Long term, baby only sleeping on you is not sustainable. But I had a similar situation when mine were little. I found going for a walk and to the park for the 2 year old to burn some energy was a good solution. Baby would sleep in the pushchair after a while. Or baby in a sling and stay with toddler. Could that be an option?
I'd say leaving a 2 year old on their own to play unattended is way riskier than letting a baby sleep on their own for a while

Original poster
Somuchconfusion · 03/10/2023 09:51

Mine won’t go in the pram at all. I have a sling but you have to walk at quite a brisk pace for him to sleep and I can’t with ds1. I am so shit at this Sad one is beside himself with exhaustion and one is being ignored.

OP posts:
Stripeypyjamas · 03/10/2023 09:51

Get a sling, take 2 year old out. Or nursery. Nurseries are fabulous.

Original poster
Somuchconfusion · 03/10/2023 09:51

They’re also expensive!

OP posts:
VeridicalVagabond · 03/10/2023 09:52

I remember when my daughter was around 2 I left her alone downstairs for a few minutes as I had an upset stomach and thought she'd be alright while I dashed to the loo.

That was the day I learned how hard it is to wash a whole jar of peanut butter off a pissed off cat.

The chaos a 2 year old can produce in a tiny amount of time is extraordinary. So no, not really a good idea.

Stripeypyjamas · 03/10/2023 09:52

Then sling it is. I found exaggerated bouncing for the first 2 mins did the trick and then you can settle down to normal walking.

Original poster
Somuchconfusion · 03/10/2023 09:55

Yes ds1 used to nap in the sling, this one doesn’t unless you’ve been walking at a brisk pace for ages. I suppose they’re all different.

OP posts:
ASCCM · 03/10/2023 09:55

I’m not entirely sure why the baby can’t be upstairs in it’s cot / Moses basket with the baby monitor and you be downstairs?? ( you say your not supposed to let them sleep alone?)

my betting would be the 2 year old has much more potential for danger and shouldn’t be left for longer than a couple of minutes

SureWhyNotThen · 03/10/2023 09:56

You will have to at some point bite the bullet and get baby down to sleep on their own. As much as they won't sleep without you, the longer you continue to do it the harder it will be and considering you are struggling with their sleep and noise it seems like it may be beneficial.

You can then put baby down to sleep, away from your eldest being loud, with a monitor so you can hear and or see and also keep an eye on your eldest.

I know it's normal for them to want to sleep on you but it's not feasible long term. Although may cause a fuss, baby will sleep without you eventually but they won't if you give in each time.

17caterpillars1mouse · 03/10/2023 09:56

If baby will only contact nap can you create this as quiet time with ds1 where you read books, sing nursery rhymes, play simple games so he sits next to you.
This is what I did when I have a 2 and a half year old and a newborn. We'd have special cuddly quiet time together sat on the sofa and she soon learnt if she woke baby up on purpose then this time would be over.

It is tough though, if all else fails, sometimes cbeebies was a god send

MariePaperRoses · 03/10/2023 09:58

Get a playpen.

RandomButtons · 03/10/2023 09:58

if you’re assessing risk, it’s far more risky to leave a 2 year old unattended than let a baby sleep alone for an hour. Sleeping in the same room as you is imo more about long sleeps at night.

Other options are get a playpen for baby to sleep in, or put Moses basket the other side of baby gate in hall/kitchen/whatever downstairs space you have that toddler won’t be in.

HippeePrincess · 03/10/2023 10:00

MariePaperRoses · 03/10/2023 09:58

Get a playpen.

Most 2 year olds I know would climb out of a playpen!
Unfortunately number two has to just fit in. Get a pram rocker that might help baby sleep in the pram.
its ok for baby to cry in the sling you’re there comforting and they’ll get used to it.
screen time is fine sometimes.

yikesanotherbooboo · 03/10/2023 10:01

I used to go for a walk to the park with a ball ; baby in sling or double buggy and toddler walking. If I was really lucky they would both have a bit of a sleep. I did my utmost to put DC2 down as quickly as I could after feed/ nappy. You can't leave a two year old and baby is too young to be in a different room . A friend would put tiny baby safely in the play pen and play quietly with toddler but that doesn't work if DC2 won't go down alone.

17caterpillars1mouse · 03/10/2023 10:01

BTW many will disagree but if the only way baby will nap is a contact nap then I would go with this for now. 10 weeks is still tiny and remember it's still all very new to your two year old too who is still only a baby himself and juggling two tiny people is still new to you. Your aren't failing, and fighting contact naps can come much later down the ĺine when baby and toddler are in more of a routine, everything isn't so new and raw and you are feeling more robust. Do what you need to survive for now. You've got this

Mamai90 · 03/10/2023 10:02

No way would I leave my 2 year old downstairs alone while my 10 week napped on me upstairs, that's far far riskier than leaving the baby alone for an hour to sleep, especially if you have a monitor and can nip upstairs a couple of times to check on baby.

MoonShinesBright · 03/10/2023 10:09

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Mamai90 · 03/10/2023 10:15

Not having a go by the way, this will be me soon. I have a 23 month old and am 5 months pregnant so I'm anxious how those early days will play out for us too!

EarringsandLipstick · 03/10/2023 10:19

That was the day I learned how hard it is to wash a whole jar of peanut butter off a pissed off cat.

You definitely win MN today 😂😂😂

Cheeesus · 03/10/2023 10:24

For naps, you just have to do what you have to do as it won’t be forever. We had to get a double buggy for #2 because it was the only way I could get #1 to nap!
So you need to think creatively, and work out how to get #2 to sleep that #1 will tolerate. Eg buggy for #1, sling for #2. Keep trying other methods for #2.