To leave 2 yo alone downstairs?

[Somuchconfusion]

I have a baby and a 2 yo and I am finding it difficult.

The 2 yo is so loud, sometimes just because he’s 2 but also screams, bangs things on purpose when he sees his brother (10 weeks) is asleep. I’m not ‘supposed’ to let a 10 week old sleep alone but even if I decided to he won’t sleep unless on me so that’s difficult. So I’ve come upstairs so ds2 can have a nap while ds1 plays downstairs. Doesn’t feel great though. AIBU?

For example I potty trained my 2yr 7 month old by myself when the youngest was about 15 weeks, whereas a month earlier than that I could barely make lunch without it being a nightmare! It's amazing how quickly things change, the days will get better.

Balance the risk. I’d say it’s higher risk for a 2 year old on their own than a baby sleeping alone. Depending on your layout, can baby sleep in a Moses basket or buggy in the hall or another downstairs room, or outside?

I agree that baby needs to fit in with toddler.

What will toddler do? Will they sit and watch anything? Any particular toys keep them quiet? Groups, park, shops?

Maybe we will be able to make suggestions to help you fit baby in with 2 year old.

One other point - try putting baby in the sling when they're content, rather than waiting until tired and ready for a nap. Mine would always just nod off then, but sometimes if they were already tired they would be much harder to settle in sling.

It's incredibly difficult with a baby that tiny and a two year old. Naps will get easier - even if only pram naps. Personally, if putting the 10w old down with a monitor is not an option, I think I would go for cartoons for the 2 year old in the same room as napping the 10w old on me.

Also if the 2 year old is deliberately waking up the baby, is there some jealousy at play? Perhaps make sure there are extra snuggles for the 2 year old as well.

Gosh, I’d be a rubbish parent now apparently. Thankfully mine both survived it! but when I had a baby and a 2 year old the baby got parked up everywhere and anywhere!!!

OP, I promise you. Gets easier. Hang in there.

Of course you can leave a 10 week old to sleep in it’s cot upstairs! Presumably you have a video monitor?

How bloody ridiculous, who decided this daft ‘rule’ ?

How ignorant- do you understand nothing about the safe sleep guidance?! It wasn’t plucked out of thin air.

Babies should never sleep alone.

if I need to leave my toddler downstairs I grab the blink camera from their room and pop it downstairs so I can watch them, the same as if they wanted to go upstairs and play in their room. - we have all cupboard locked and the room is generally very toddler-proofed so I’m not worried about leaving them while I get stuff done sometimes. If I didn’t.. the washing would never get put away 😂

Depends on how toddler proofed the room is. I leave my 10 month old in the room alone to go to the toilet, have a shower, cook dinner etc so it's never for a very long time.

Babies don't need complete silence to nap, it's really nosiy in the womb! I'd be keeping baby downstairs. Can you try setting DS up with an activity? Colouring? Blocks? Puzzle?

Guidance has changed. It wasn't specified for day naps when my DC were babies, but as with all things, new guidelines emerge and even though I no longer have babies, I know that having them close to you / same room is now advised, day and night, for 6 months.

The people who researched how to prevent newborns dying while they sleep?

The people questioning why you can't leave the baby alone to sleep. It is current NHS guidelines to do with safe sleep and SIDS prevention. Don't criticise OP for trying her best to follow the guidance.

I guess you just have to keep trying out different methods and eventually one might work for a while. You'll have done the same with DC1 but with full focus. One day you'll look back and it will all seem a distant memory. Keep going one hour at a time. You've got this!

but it’s completely and utterly normal for a 10 week old to contact nap.

It is.

It's just not practical if OP is also caring for a 2 year old.

If she had someone to mind her older child or was using childcare, then great.

But she doesn't - so needs to work a way to get baby to sleep while still being able to interact with & supervise her older DC.

As baby will sleep in a sling when walked briskly, that's the solution, and the 2 yo can work around that. It's tough but not forever.

Contact napping is lovely but after DC1, challenging.

A 10 week old baby is more safe sleeping on it's own then a toddler downstairs by himself even if it's just for 2 minutes.

I agree. I have a newborn and a toddler too. That quote was in response to those saying that OP needed to put the baby down in the cot despite OP stating baby gets very upset and wont settle to sleep. I clearly stated further on that sling and pram is something I do and recommend. Alongside contact naps in the living room so toddler can be supervised playing or watching tv.

It is soooo difficult managing a newborn and toddler. I feel your pain. I would try persisting with baby in sling while you're downstairs with 2y/o. Bounce, shush, pace the floor and hopefully baby goes off then you're around for 2y/o