To leave 2 yo alone downstairs?

[Somuchconfusion]

I have a baby and a 2 yo and I am finding it difficult.

The 2 yo is so loud, sometimes just because he’s 2 but also screams, bangs things on purpose when he sees his brother (10 weeks) is asleep. I’m not ‘supposed’ to let a 10 week old sleep alone but even if I decided to he won’t sleep unless on me so that’s difficult. So I’ve come upstairs so ds2 can have a nap while ds1 plays downstairs. Doesn’t feel great though. AIBU?

if I decided to he won’t sleep unless on me

For your own sanity, you have to address this.

Personally, I'd get the 10 week old used to the pram - but if they are really averse, I would go in sling, walk fast, 2 yo in buggy.

This means you are out of the house, 2 year old will also get out & baby sleeps

It's hard OP 💐

You really aren't so shit at this. It is HARD. I have a 2y11 month and 10 month old so I was you about 8 months ago. It is HARD.

Tips:

Persevere with the carrier, maybe try a different one - eBay/Vinted second hand - mine were much happier in an ergo baby one that a bjorn.

Use the tv. Baby's nap time = tv time . It's not forever. It's about weighing up the pros and cons. I also found that having the tv on helped because when 2 year old makes a sudden noise, it's less of a jump when there's already tv noise, as opposed to silence then a sudden scream.

Persevere with a buggy - double buggy? Fast paced walk to start with to get baby to sleep then you can let toddler out to walk and go a bit slower. Same with the carrier. Toddler in buggy, power walk with baby in carrier to the park, then once baby is asleep you can let toddler out to play.

Also. I know you say they're all different, but sleep is sleep, if baby is tired enough, they WILL fall asleep in carrier/buggy even if you're walking slowly.

It is SO hard, but it gets easier. I did gentle sleep training at 6 months and baby now sleeps in the cot for all naps so it's not long, you have options.

Overriding all of this, please please do not leave a 2 y old when you can't see them. Anything can happen. Even in a play pen, a piece of a toy could break off and they put it in their mouth and choke. It's just far too risky. Also, after 2 or 3 times he will just seek you out to be near to you anyway so it's counter productive

So do I do cry it out with a young baby? Lots of threads here say contact naps normal. I don’t know.

Contact naps at that point are fine and normal, just need a bit of working out.
I remember teaching my eldest that she could tip out the box of duplo when my middle one was asleep. She still did, little sod.
Get some books to hand and try and read to her while #2 sleeps, you’ll work out different ways. Does she still nap? If you can get them both asleep at the same time then that’s one done. It’s really hard, but you’ll work out different strategies.

Baby is 10 weeks old. Of course OP will need to get baby to sleep on its own eventually but it’s completely and utterly normal for a 10 week old to contact nap. Im pro sleep training as well before anyone comes at me!

OP i also have a 2 month old and a toddler. My eldest was a lot like your youngest. Hated the pram and would only nap in the sling if walked at pace. Thankfully youngest will stay asleep in the sling and pram if i’m still but only if outside. Won’t tolerate the sling or the pram awake for more than 20 mins or so. It’s hard and you aren’t rubbish at this. I get through our days together by going outside or to soft play a lot (can you just carry baby around until nap time?) interspersed with lots of sticker books, snacks and TV for the eldest. It’s a short phase and won’t be forever. I plan on doing some gentle sleep training around 5-6 months to get baby napping independently but until then i’m just embracing substandard parenting for the eldest!

Will the baby sleep in the car? If so disable the passenger air bag, put the 2 yo’s car seat in your passenger seat, and go for a long drive.

I would go with the suggestions to put the baby in the sling and take your toddler out to the park using the buggy or if he won’t use the buggy id pull him along on a scooter- using a strap, I’m not suggesting you pull the scooter by the handle as you’ll kill your back.

It’s really tough but I’d agree that leaving a 10 week old (assuming no heightened risk factors for SIDS) to nap alone is safer than leaving a two year old unsupervised.

Baby contact naps in same room as you and 2 year old. They will learn to manage the noise. Or you take the 2 year old in pushchair and sling for baby.

Don't leave a 2 year old unattended, that’s too young. Although I also think it is madness to have a small gap if you have no childcare for the older one too. That’s just making life shit for everyone.

I’d just put the telly on tbh whilst baby goes off to sleep on you. (I’m not a big fan of telly but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do). Then when bubs asleep you can move to quiet things like stickers /drawing /reading with DC1.

I’d definitely be focusing on trying to stay all in the same room, if baby won’t nap upstairs alone (and very normal that they won’t at this age).

It's incredibly tough to meet the needs of a baby and a toddler, don't be too hard on yourself! There's a lot of trial and error figuring out what works and muddling through.

Few options that I tried:

• a playgroup where toddler can play and baby can sleep on you (you would probably even get a cup of tea and a biscuit). The sort that are a couple of quid in a church hall. Obviously doesn't work for all naps but provided a bit of respite for everyone.

• go out with baby in sling, anywhere, a walk, park, shopping centre, just out. Mine always slept better in the sling out of the house.

• try a different sling?

• baby in sling and toddler in buggy and long walk

• toddler sits and has quiet time whilst baby naps. Make sure there's background noise, calm music or similar so that any sudden noises from toddler are less likely to wake baby. Toddler could watch tv for a bit quietly in same room.

My eldest only ever contact napped so I understand that some babies just do not settle in a cot whatever you try. So I would aim to keep the contact napping but make it work by adjusting baby to sleep through the toddler's noise or in the sling. I used to just hold DS2 / DD whilst playing with the eldest sometimes.

It does get easier as they get a bit older.

Please don’t try CIO.
Mine were similar at that age. I think I used to BF to sleep and then put baby down in the pushchair carry cot in the kitchen with white noise on and push the pushchair up and down until they were in a deep sleep. Toddler would have either TV or tablet in the other room while I was doing this. So I wasn’t far away from either of them.

I have a contact napper too, when he was tiny I found baby in sling and bouncing on birthball worked as an alternative to vigorous walking.

Yes you’re not meant to, it’s the guidelines for safe sleep, to be in a room with an adult for all sleep.

i do agree that a 2 year old could be in trouble if left unattended for a long period of time, especially on another floor.

OP can you bring the 2 year old upstairs with you, in their room. Set them up with toys, not stellar parenting but maybe a tablet, and ensure the space is safe. Have a white noise machine with baby to drown out noise and work on getting back to sleep in their own space and basically then go back and forth and check on them both.

10 wo will eventually sleep by themselves- if contact naps is what you need to do
can you take the 2yo to the park before nap time and then when is nap time is “special” tv/reading/colouring time
get the 2yo tired before hand and then that’s when the 2yo gets a quiet activity
2yo can rest on your shoulder while you two watch some toddler tv and baby naps, or you read a book and baby naps
but get the two to tired before

Thanks. I know it probably seems like I’m being awkward and I’m not, my kids are though lol. Ds1 just screams when ds2 is asleep, it doesn’t matter if the tvs on or not. And he’d break free from a playpen!Might have to try that car drive.

Who says you are not supposed to??

The baby will be fine in basket/cradle . Make sure 2 year old has quieter toys or maybe tv to distract him. Don't leave 2 year old alone its really not safe. Or a walk , park etc with baby in sling or pushchair. Or baby sleeps on you while you all watch tv.

I was going to suggest taking everyone upstairs and having the toddler in their own bedroom playing as presumably already a safe space- a stairgate on the doorway too then you can go quietly elsewhere to settle the baby, even if it still has to be a contact nap for now, but nearby knowing that toddler is safe and in very easy reach.

The safe sleep guidelines say you're not supposed to:
https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/room-sharing/

OP could you get him a dolly to look after and help to sleep while the baby sleeps? My lo is much more likely to be quiet when I say his teddy has a headache than if I ask him to be quiet for me 🙄

Because all the safe sleep guidelines tells you to NOT leave week old babies to sleep alone. They're meant to be in the same room as you to reduce the SIDS risk.

Will eldest go in the buggy so you walk with sling and push eldest?

Can you try contact nap on the sofa and get DS to come and snuggle up? Get a blanket for him, a snack, the telly?

Car and when they're both asleep drive to MacDonalds and get coffee?

Youngest will slowly get used to the noise, hopefully and eldest will learn if he's quiet then he gets Mom to himself. It's worth explaining if baby goes to sleep you and him can have some quiet time together, even if you're not sure how much he understands.

How is he with babu generally? Is he trying to wake baby up so they can play?

But no, I had wild 2 year olds so no. Nowhere would have been safe except their bedroom. So you could try in there if he'll play in there?

Ds1 just won’t do any of these suggestions, he’s reducing me to tears on an hourly basis tbh

Baby isn’t fine in a cot or basket, he just screams which kind of means him having a nap doesn’t happen anyway. So might as well keep him with me.

I have a 2 year old daughter and 5 month old son so I’m not too far infront of you so I truly understand how you feel. I’m pretty sure all baby’s are happier sleeping on mum but unfortunately as you’re finding out it’s just not practical when you also have a toddler. I would persevere with the pram. Get a portable white noise machine you can hang off the pram and it will drown out the toddler noise, push it back and forward and park it in the hall with the doors a jar while baby sleeps with you near by with toddler. Baby might cry for a bit but if they are tired they WILL sleep and will get used to it. They will
probably only sleep for 30 minutes but you probably just need to accept that until things settle and they get better at napping.
I’ve found when baby is protesting lying in the pram just setting out the front door helps. Something about the fresh air and wind seems to stun him and he will fall asleep. I’m often found standing at my front door pushing a pram back and forth, but you need to do what you need to do.

Also if baby doesn’t have a dummy I would try and introduce it one. I’ve found a dummy the single most useful tool for sleep. Son is ebf and never had any issues with nipple confusion etc.

Does your two year old nap still? If so when and where does he do that best? Obviously you can't engineer the baby fitting in with the toddler but at least there might be a window where you get a bit of a breather.

I hate to say baby 2 has to fit in with child 1 but that's what we ended up doing. Baby had to get used to being in a sling as I had a contact napper too, it didn't take her long to figure it out although she wasn't at all keen to begin with. That then left me free (ish) to keep the eldest happy as her needs were more varied and harder to address than the baby's. But it's really tough, I have every sympathy. Once the baby isn't just eating and sleeping on a loop life does get a bit easier, I promise.

Have you got a rocker? My newborn absolutely loved a rocker . Pram & park is another good one.