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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this weird to do during sex??

98 replies

blahblahblahxoxo · 02/10/2023 15:35

I'm an 18 year old girl who had sex for the first time recently with my boyfriend. He knew how nervous I was so made me feel super special.
He had already complained about using a condom so I was slightly wary. He wore one anyway and when we were having sex I think he slipped it off because when he finished the condom wasn't on him anymore and it was on the floor. He was as confused as me but I may be naive here. Help please!!!!

OP posts:
Pudmyboy · 02/10/2023 16:45

TheShellBeach · 02/10/2023 16:37

Have you had a period since?

Very good point!

FSTraining · 02/10/2023 16:50

androidnotapple · 02/10/2023 15:38

This is sexual assault. So sorry it has happened to you.

It's actually much worse than sexual assault. It's rape.

PinotPony · 02/10/2023 16:52

You're too late for the morning after pill. That has to be taken within 72 hours I think.

If you've not had a period since having unprotected sex, you definitely need a pregnancy test. Now, and again in a few weeks time.

Do get an STI test too. If he's the kind of guy who stealths a partner by removing his condom, I'd bet good money he's had unprotected sex with other women too.

Tell him he raped you and then block him. Utter bastard.

HappyPurrrsday · 02/10/2023 16:52

How old is he? Was it also his first time?

Poppysmom22 · 02/10/2023 16:54

Next time you see him tell him you think you are pregnant and ask him what he's going to do about that. The absolute twat.

JamSandle · 02/10/2023 16:57

It is definitely a weird thing to do.

He took the condom off and has left you to deal with the consequences.

This happened to a friend of mine. He threw him out of the house and went to a clinic.

Keep posting here. You'll be okay. He is a horrible liar!

JamSandle · 02/10/2023 16:58

JamSandle · 02/10/2023 16:57

It is definitely a weird thing to do.

He took the condom off and has left you to deal with the consequences.

This happened to a friend of mine. He threw him out of the house and went to a clinic.

Keep posting here. You'll be okay. He is a horrible liar!

*she threw him out

Ididivfama · 02/10/2023 16:59

Oh this is awful, I’m so sorry. A guy who is ‘funny’ about wearing one in the first place is a red flag imo. It’s so damn selfish.

HollaHolla · 02/10/2023 16:59

You poor thing. What a horrid first experience.
Like others have said, this is sexual assault (you don't say where you live - which country - but the law might be different.)
Please do speak with your Mum. She will want to support and help you with this, I'm sure. I'm so glad you spoke to your friend too. Take the support they can offer - and get yourself to the GP/GUM clinic, and explain what happened. They will do the appropriate pregnancy & sexual health tests.
Also, consider speaking to someone professional for support. Please know there are decent men out there in your future, who won't do this.
Take care.

Immoralplant · 02/10/2023 17:03

So sorry OP. The only time I've ever experienced a condom come off it was high up in my vagina. I can't see how it could possibly 'accidentally' end up on the floor.
Please go to the GUM clinic, and do a pregnancy test.

BrokenButNotFinished · 02/10/2023 17:05

I'm sorry this happened to you. Just to echo what others have said: any condom which has slipped off during any sex I've been having has stayed inside me.

For future reference, it's worth putting your fingers around the end of it as the man withdraws, so that it stays on and exits with him. Can't remember when I read that advice, but probably during the 90s and the AIDS crisis.

Good luck.

SafferUpNorth · 02/10/2023 17:06

Oh believe me, he definitely knew what he was doing!! Plus the fact that he'd been moaning about having to wear a condom. 🙄

As others have said... it's stealthing. A form of rape. A crime in England and Wales.

If you've not dumped him, do so immediately. He treated you with utter contempt and disrespect the very first time you slept together. Nothing good will come from this relationship. He's an abusive twat. Walk away.

Please take a pregnancy test and get yourself to the GP or sexual health clinic for an STI check-up.

Supertayto · 02/10/2023 17:10

Oh OP. I’m so sorry. What a hideous first experience. It isn’t right and he almost certainly took it off himself which is so very wrong in many different ways. Protect yourself and end the relationship. He is unworthy and 25 year old you will be so angry that you stayed with him if that’s what you decide. Trust the many old baggages on here who have experienced enough sexual relationships to know what’s right and what needs to end immediately.

Also, I echo what everyone else has said. Pregnancy and STD testing now and again in a few weeks. You’ll be ok.

Supertayto · 02/10/2023 17:12

Also, as soon as anyone in the future starts having a moan about condoms roll your eyes and move on. It’s just not a thing with grown up decent men, so it actually serves as quite a useful test.

SafferUpNorth · 02/10/2023 17:17

Supertayto · 02/10/2023 17:12

Also, as soon as anyone in the future starts having a moan about condoms roll your eyes and move on. It’s just not a thing with grown up decent men, so it actually serves as quite a useful test.

Indeed, it's a useful test to separate selfish, using twats from genuine decent guys!

Universalsnail · 02/10/2023 17:21

He's not confused. He is lying and this is a sexual assault/rape, I am sorry. This boy is gross and you can't trust him not to push your boundaries. You need to end this relationship asap.

Also I don't want to upset you but if you haven't had a period you need to consider taking a pregnancy test.

Universalsnail · 02/10/2023 17:22

Also the second any guy tries to get iffy about condoms be done with that, leave the situation and end the relationship. These men can't be trusted with your boundaries. You deserve better.

Universalsnail · 02/10/2023 17:22

I also want to say that any condom I have ever had slip off during sex was left inside me. This boy is definitely lying to you.

fairymary87 · 02/10/2023 18:40

Big hugs op xx

DonnaBanana · 02/10/2023 18:45

If a crime took place you should also consider getting the police involved x

MabelMoo23 · 02/10/2023 18:53

I’m so sorry my lovely, please please if you can speak to your Mum.

I know it will excruciatingly painful to do, and you’ll worry about her being upset with you, but you are her priority and she will want to support you and be there for you. I always tell my girls, it doesn’t matter what has happened, I will always be there for them and have their back and help them.

as for him, he’s a gaslighting rapist scumbag who knew exactly what he was doing. Yes condoms can slip off, but they don’t get a life of their own and end up on the floor

M3T00 · 02/10/2023 19:54

FSTraining · 02/10/2023 16:50

It's actually much worse than sexual assault. It's rape.

Show quote history

I understand the point you are trying to make but please don’t say things like this. Sexual assault is no less serious and it’s fear of attitudes like this which stop people like me from reporting what happened to us.

FSTraining · 03/10/2023 10:17

M3T00 · 02/10/2023 19:54

I understand the point you are trying to make but please don’t say things like this. Sexual assault is no less serious and it’s fear of attitudes like this which stop people like me from reporting what happened to us.

Show quote history

I disagree with you. Offences have degrees of severity and I will continue to say this, thank you.

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