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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I be worried about my partners relationship with his female boss?

63 replies

Worriedmama4 · 01/10/2023 21:13

Me and my partner have been together 18 years. Have 3 kids (most recent baby 10 months old). We did go through a rough patch about 8 years ago, things haven’t been quite right since.
He has been at his current job a while now but recently, his relationship with his manager is getting me down. He is going for a promotion so he’s taken on more work and responsibilities but it is taking over his life.
he and his boss are constantly texting and he also calls her outside of work too. When he does this, he always goes outside for a walk or sits in the car to talk to her and is usually gone 1-2 hours. He says it’s because of his promotion etc but I just feel real uncomfortable about it. I also saw a few messages on his phone where he asked her to send a nude pic and she responded with ‘that’s all you want me for’ he responded with ‘you owe me’ and a laughing face. They also send love hearts to each other in text and one read ‘love you’. When I confronted him about then he said the nude pic one was a joke and the love hearts etc he sends to everyone. Am I being paranoid and over sensitive as tired with a young baby. I really need an outsiders perspective of possible please. I’m so lost. Thank you.

OP posts:
Doggymummar · 01/10/2023 21:14

I doubt it, no. Sorry

Princessandthepea0 · 01/10/2023 21:14

He’s having an affair.

PinkiOcelot · 01/10/2023 21:18

Sounds very suss to me. Totally inappropriate to ask your boss for a nude pic unless you’re really close.

SpudleyLass · 01/10/2023 21:18

Those texts are very unambiguous OP.

So sorry.

ItIsSleeping · 01/10/2023 21:19

You're absolutely not over thinking. He's having an affair.

nadine90 · 01/10/2023 21:20

Sorry, he’s having an affair. You don’t joke about sending nudes with your boss

Businessflake · 01/10/2023 21:21

This can’t be a serious question?!

Mountaineer0009 · 01/10/2023 21:21

it could be debated hes pleasing the boss in more ways than one, it seems , its one way to the top

muddlingthrou · 01/10/2023 21:21

1-2 hours?! Whether it's innocent or not (and I doubt it is), that in itself is unforgivable with a 10 month old.

StarDolphins · 01/10/2023 21:23

I don’t understand these ‘should I be worried’ or am I being unreasonable posts when clearly 100% someone is having an affair.

Sendingnudes & love hearts? Surely you must know the answer? I would be out that door quicker than he could say “joke”.

GrannypantsMagee · 01/10/2023 21:24

Even if there was no nude pic references, it wouldn't be sounding good. Sorry

ASCCM · 01/10/2023 21:25

I’m not entirely sure what else you’d need to see to realise he is having an affair?

Autumnleaves89 · 01/10/2023 21:26

Wtf?! This is as clear as the nose on my face. He is definitely having an affair op, I’m shocked that you’re doubting yourself!

BHRK · 01/10/2023 21:26

He’s trying to make you feel paranoid but he is 100% having an affair or about to have one.
I wound chuck him out personally. Absolutely outrageous thing to text to somebody

Cherryana · 01/10/2023 21:26

PinkiOcelot · 01/10/2023 21:18

Sounds very suss to me. Totally inappropriate to ask your boss for a nude pic unless you’re really close.

Unless you’re really close?!!

The only circumstances are if you are married to the boss!!

I am so sorry but it sounds like he has already sent one to her - as he said she owes him.

…even if he is telling you the truth and it’s all jokes and work - it’s still incredibly disrespectful to you. How dare he message such things to another woman.

Londonscallingme · 01/10/2023 21:30

Errrrrr, what? No, you’re not being overly sensitive. Can’t imagine why he’d be talking about sending nudes to his boss unless he’s having an affair.

bobcat2424 · 01/10/2023 21:32

I've reported this. I don't think it's believable, sorry

B1993 · 01/10/2023 21:34

I actually thought it sounded fairly normal until I read the bit about them talking (privately) for hours and he asked her for nudes. This is not normal and you are not being sensitive.

Allinadayswork80 · 01/10/2023 21:34

Sorry OP but he is having an affair. Trust your gut instinct. Actually, trust the facts. As others say on MN - get your ducks in a row and start preparing. So sorry, what a piece of shit. And even if he wasn’t, how absolutely disrespectful to you as his partner to send such messages to another woman! That alone would be a HUGE no no.

Justcallmebebes · 01/10/2023 21:37

In all my years of working I have never asked my boss for a nude pic, nor been asked for one. The very thought is horrendous and so inappropriate

Razzle39 · 01/10/2023 21:39

Jesus not another AIBU like this. Seriously what does he have to do for you to realise he’s having an affair. I have a 7 month old and if my DH sent a ‘joke’ send me a nude message to his boss then he wouldn’t be able to have anymore children.

Bluebellsbells · 01/10/2023 21:46

Let me get this straight.... your husband calls his boss for 1-2 hours and sits in the car, requests nudes, tells his boss he loves her and sends hearts on his messages... he does this because it's needed so he can get a promotion?! What on earth does he do for a living is he a male escort?!!!

Tell him that if he's going to lie at least make it convincing!

Nicole1111 · 01/10/2023 21:55

I’m not sure this man could be any more blatant if he tried. You deserve better

CountessKathleen · 01/10/2023 21:56

Yeah, well for some of us, asking our line managers for naked photos is just part of the promotion-seeking grind. Not.

PinkiOcelot · 01/10/2023 22:16

Cherryana · 01/10/2023 21:26

Unless you’re really close?!!

The only circumstances are if you are married to the boss!!

I am so sorry but it sounds like he has already sent one to her - as he said she owes him.

…even if he is telling you the truth and it’s all jokes and work - it’s still incredibly disrespectful to you. How dare he message such things to another woman.

Perhaps I should have put the really close in speech marks ?!