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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I be worried about my partners relationship with his female boss?

63 replies

Worriedmama4 · 01/10/2023 21:13

Me and my partner have been together 18 years. Have 3 kids (most recent baby 10 months old). We did go through a rough patch about 8 years ago, things haven’t been quite right since.
He has been at his current job a while now but recently, his relationship with his manager is getting me down. He is going for a promotion so he’s taken on more work and responsibilities but it is taking over his life.
he and his boss are constantly texting and he also calls her outside of work too. When he does this, he always goes outside for a walk or sits in the car to talk to her and is usually gone 1-2 hours. He says it’s because of his promotion etc but I just feel real uncomfortable about it. I also saw a few messages on his phone where he asked her to send a nude pic and she responded with ‘that’s all you want me for’ he responded with ‘you owe me’ and a laughing face. They also send love hearts to each other in text and one read ‘love you’. When I confronted him about then he said the nude pic one was a joke and the love hearts etc he sends to everyone. Am I being paranoid and over sensitive as tired with a young baby. I really need an outsiders perspective of possible please. I’m so lost. Thank you.

OP posts:
EtiennePalmiere · 02/10/2023 23:33

You've had a terrible shock, it's normal to be in denial for now. I know it might be hard with the baby but can you take a step back, take a hot shower, go for a walk, do some breathing and try to clear your head a bit? You'll have a better idea of what to do after that

tara66 · 02/10/2023 23:46

It sounds like a very very strange work place.

PTSDBarbiegirl · 02/10/2023 23:49

You know its a carry on so bring it to an end. Move on.

AubadeIsIt · 02/10/2023 23:54

Absolutely nothing to be confused about here.

Worriedmama4 · 04/10/2023 10:05

Thank you all for your input. I guess I have some serious thinking and sole searching to do 😢
I love him so much and don’t want to break up the family. We also have a 15 year old and 13 year old as well as 10 month old baby. I feel lost 💔

OP posts:
Ilovetheeighties · 04/10/2023 16:11

I'm sure you do feel lost darling , but I'm sorry to say i don't think men like him change .. I caught my husband in his 2nd affair a while back and like you when i found out the first time i was so in love with him that i just couldn't end it , but now my rose tinted glasses have fallen off and i know he has no remorse and that I'm actually too decent a human for him so I've ended it and to be honest it was horrendous at the time but I'm much happier now as i didn't want to live my life wondering was he still with her . You'll get stronger .I think the hardest part is actually making the decision to end it ..Best of luck xx

Worriedmama4 · 04/10/2023 21:19

Thank you all ❤️

OP posts:
Yazo · 04/10/2023 21:25

I'm so sorry, this is awful. I work with two people clearly in a relationship and have been since his daughter was probably 2. I don't know if his wife knows, the woman in the relationship got married after the work fling became a thing and they've been together for 2 years now. He never does drop off or pick up or takes annual leave for his daughter at home, he maximizes his time in the office. Neither wfh because why would they. This sort of thing really does happen and I'm sorry but it sounds like it's happening to you. You deserve better

hurlyb · 04/10/2023 21:27

Jesus Christ. It all sounds like an employment tribunal waiting to happen.

You would not see me for dust. Immature, unprofessional and downright disrespectful

Jenny2347 · 30/03/2024 05:07

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LadyGAgain · 30/03/2024 05:11

Yes @Jenny2347 I think that's fine. Redundancies are hugely emotional and it's clear she's valued his support and professionalism in the process. IMO.

Jenny2347 · 30/03/2024 05:14

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BobbyBiscuits · 30/03/2024 05:19

He asked for nudes ('as a joke', lol, hilarious) from his boss and talks in his car with her for 2 hours outside of work?
She responds with 'thats all you want from me?' which sounds like she wants actual sex or a relationship rather than just swapping pics. If she wasn't interested she'd shut him down immediately about the nudes and say keep it professional. They are saying 'i love you' FFS.
You need to bin him immediately.
I bet there is no promotion either.

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