Reluctant to take pain relief - help me understand

[Womanofmanycoats]

Am I being unreasonable to expect someone to take or even try painkillers ( paracetamol or Ibuprofen) if severe joint pain ( arthritis)is distressing them to point they struggle to walk, are almost in tears and family activities have to be planned ( aka completely limited) around their lack of mobility?
Important to note the reason they don’t take painkillers is because they ‘don’t like idea of them’ and ‘I just never have’ ( not due to previous side effect or concerns re long term impact). Their Gp recommends pain relief and exercise.

I would highlight I do not want to leave anyone out if their mobility restricts them- I have other elderly relatives who have restricted mobility and am happy to limit activities for them. Push them in wheelchair, have them lean on me heavily etc. I myself have chronic pain/ health issues so in some incidents, I will encourage my partner and others to go ahead and enjoy the activity - I will sit close to the car ( I bring a book and reassure the family party I don’t mind missing out - even if that’s not true)
Maybe that sounds hypocritical- but difference is I sit out to try not to restrict others. In cases I can’t sit out I take painkillers to try and negate impact of pain- negate impact on others
As let’s be honest- if other people see you in pain, sweaty pale of course it’s concerning for them

Maybe I am being judgmental as I am more sympathetic /more motivated to limit family activities if the person themselves have tried to help themselves (in my eyes via pain relief)

I just don’t understand- can anyone who is adverse to painkillers please explain their point of view?
I understand pain is a symptom so sometimes it’s a warning sign you should listen to. But equally if everyone with arthritis declined pain relief and avoided movement as a means of management- surely that’s worse for your overall health?

I appreciate I am biased - as painkillers are quite normalised for me. I would have passed out from pain every month for over a decade - so relied on painkillers to help me get through the day

Also to note - I don’t expect someone adverse to painkillers to take them regularly but what would be harm in taking two prior to even the bigger special family day?

Can someone help me understand this family members position ? I want to be empathetic but just don’t get it

Also so I am not drip feeding I know pain relief if not a solution. I try to support the person - take to appointments, encourage their physio, became their carer after an operation while they rehabilitated.

I don’t get it either. I’m careful with painkillers as it can make me overdo stuff and not realise. (I have fibro and use pain relief daily.) For me it’s part of how I manage my condition.
Being a martyr??

YANBU.

Have you ever considered just going ahead with activities you'd enjoy and just leaving them at home?

They could have been brought up to believe that it's a sign of moral weakness, that it's a slippery slope to opiate dependency, that nothing exists that can't be cured by thinking it better, that it's dangerous and is only suggested because it makes Big Pharma billions, that they'll become dependent upon and then they'll have nothing that'll work when they really need it...the list of reasons why they're feeling it's a bad thing to do is very long.

I’m with you. I have a chronic pain issue and have to use pain killers to have a life. When my MIL was in her late 80s and within a year or so of dying she still resisted pain killers as , ‘I don’t want to start on that slippery slope.’ She did eventually accept some help but it was so frustrating and upsetting to see her cry out in pain.

I think there is a generation of stoics who were brought up to think pain killers were for the weak/ degenerate or dying and it was a lack of moral fibre to use them.

My mom was like this. During the last week of herl
life I finally got her to take an oxy—she was afraid of addiction. As a child she never gave us pain relief—said pain is part of life and we should offer it to the souls in purgatory. I think there are some who thing pain relief does lead to addiction and simple ways out and really can’t wrap their heads around regular use.

YANBU.

My DH won’t take paracetamol for a cold, he’d rather spend the day in bed feeling sorry for himself. Which is not fine - I don’t get that when I’m ill though. I cannot just down tools and feel sorry for myself, the kids need tending to!

I've always been adverse to taking pain relief BUT a few disc herniations made me re-think that!

I used to see my DM, who had asthma, sitting out of so much of life because minor things made her breathing worse. My DD has asthma and has been taught by the doctors to use her inhalers and then get back to moving and sport, in order to improve her fitness and lung capacity. I feel so sad that my DM didn't do this and hugely limited her life. I suppose painkilling medication is similar, you have to be taught that it can aid you to increase your overall fitness.

My mum (mid 80s) wouldn’t touch pain killers. Together we worked out that it’s because when she was very young and her mother died of cancer, the pain relief given was opium, and had a significant social stigma attached to taking it.

I do find it very irritating. Especially when someone is complaining about pain and there is an actual remedy to make them pain free.

Hard to fathom the mindset… Do you think maybe they enjoy the idea of themselves as a stoic and would rather feel superior to the rest of us than be included?

My ILs are like this, complain constantly and let pain limit their lives It's a twofold problem as the lack of exercise due to the pain weakens their muscles which makes it all worse

Thanks for everyone’s replies. The purpose of this thread is to understand other perspectives- as I am struggling with my own frustration at situation

@mathanxiety would love to do that. And to be honest I do that now sometimes- I now have odd weekend ‘off’ ie. without them and we alternate bringing them on holidays. The person has been v kind to my partner years ago, is vulnerable and lonely so we feel pulled to include them. To Support them emotionally ( spending time with them/ taking them out).

They do enjoy being out- so I wonder if that’s why they never offer to sit out.

Maybe I am bordering on resentment as my relationship with them isnt strong enough to outweigh the sacrifices. I was a carer for my aunt with dementia for years and my life revolved round her - it was difficult but different.

Totally baffles me, we're so lucky to live in a time of pain relief, for thousands of years before us people would have given anything to have access to it. I also have a relative that won't take even paracetamol and it affects everything we do , drives me insane!

Have they had it explained that the pain relief would mean they could improve fitness/muscle tone and improve their health? Not everyone understands that unless it's clearly spelled out.

I have to confess I’m guilty of this sometimes. There are things I will take a painkiller for - eg a headache or back in the day period pain. But for chronic and joint pain, it genuinely doesn’t occur to me that a painkiller might help in those circumstances. I’m not sure why I have that mental block as when a physio or doctor suggests it I’m happy to try it, it just doesn’t immediately occur to me to try it for that kind of long term pain on my own initiative. And I completely realise that makes me sound a bit daft!

Yeah I've got one of these. He gets no sympathy if he won't take anything. I once got told off by a midwife for not taking paracetamol for headaches so I've dished out the same advice.

I've no idea what it's about but I feel your frustration.

MIL complains endlessly about her back but will not take any pain killers for it. I don't understand why she won't do anything to help herself.

I have long term chronic pain that affects my mobility. I prefer to adjust my life than take pain meds.

Why?

I take a pretty strong prescription nerve pain one because i HAVE to, to function, if i didn't i'd be crawling on the floor screaming. Ibuprofen i will only take when i have no other choice.

Why the hell should i destroy my stomach, liver or kidneys to make someone elses life easier.. because it doesn't make MY life easier.

Yes i'm in pain, but you know what that pain tells me? If i'm overdoing it. I take pain relief to do shit, i end up doing too much, and i floor myself for the next 3 days.

Honestly if no side effects, etc. I’d tell the person then stop complaining about the pain. I’m a pill popper though!

I used to be like this - no idea why. I guess I always just linked a painkiller with a temporay pain and not a cure for the ongoing pain. Like the cause of the underlying pain was more than a painkiller child fix. Now I take them regularly. I still get reluctant to take the stronger stuff as the side effects hit me

For some people painkillers don't work.

(I once met someone like this. Apparently if you don't have the chemicals/pathways that the painkillers work on this can happen).

Also, my ExH was like this, to the point of trying to discourage me from using painkillers.

He used to say
They are bad for you
(They are - nsaids such as ibuprofen can give you stomach problems and worst case you can have a stomach bleed)
You take too many
(Thought I was getting addicted)

Then he got a bad back and imported some super strength painkillers from America and chugged them like there was no tomorrow.

I ended up with a horrible duodenal ulcer from pain relief following an operation.

And the pharmacist telling me off for taking the pain relief the drs kept telling me to take. I rarely take any pain relief as a result

Oh god that would annoy me too. Hope you can enjoy the day out.

In the meantime I pick up half full packets of my mum's painkillers (heavy stuff) that she merrily leaves lying around so my toddlers don't eat them.

I don’t get it. I had a frozen shoulder for which the cure was physio but the exercises hurt too much to do them. Pain relief and Naproxen killed the pain so I could do them and now I’m cured. It’s an absolute no brainer to me.

An awful lot of people don't take actual prescribed medication - this is a US site so slightly different situation but it's looking at why people don't take meds

www.ama-assn.org/delivering-care/patient-support-advocacy/8-reasons-patients-dont-take-their-medications