Reluctant to take pain relief - help me understand

[Womanofmanycoats]

Am I being unreasonable to expect someone to take or even try painkillers ( paracetamol or Ibuprofen) if severe joint pain ( arthritis)is distressing them to point they struggle to walk, are almost in tears and family activities have to be planned ( aka completely limited) around their lack of mobility?
Important to note the reason they don’t take painkillers is because they ‘don’t like idea of them’ and ‘I just never have’ ( not due to previous side effect or concerns re long term impact). Their Gp recommends pain relief and exercise.

I would highlight I do not want to leave anyone out if their mobility restricts them- I have other elderly relatives who have restricted mobility and am happy to limit activities for them. Push them in wheelchair, have them lean on me heavily etc. I myself have chronic pain/ health issues so in some incidents, I will encourage my partner and others to go ahead and enjoy the activity - I will sit close to the car ( I bring a book and reassure the family party I don’t mind missing out - even if that’s not true)
Maybe that sounds hypocritical- but difference is I sit out to try not to restrict others. In cases I can’t sit out I take painkillers to try and negate impact of pain- negate impact on others
As let’s be honest- if other people see you in pain, sweaty pale of course it’s concerning for them

Maybe I am being judgmental as I am more sympathetic /more motivated to limit family activities if the person themselves have tried to help themselves (in my eyes via pain relief)

I just don’t understand- can anyone who is adverse to painkillers please explain their point of view?
I understand pain is a symptom so sometimes it’s a warning sign you should listen to. But equally if everyone with arthritis declined pain relief and avoided movement as a means of management- surely that’s worse for your overall health?

I appreciate I am biased - as painkillers are quite normalised for me. I would have passed out from pain every month for over a decade - so relied on painkillers to help me get through the day

Also to note - I don’t expect someone adverse to painkillers to take them regularly but what would be harm in taking two prior to even the bigger special family day?

Can someone help me understand this family members position ? I want to be empathetic but just don’t get it

Also so I am not drip feeding I know pain relief if not a solution. I try to support the person - take to appointments, encourage their physio, became their carer after an operation while they rehabilitated.

I've met people like this. I had an episode in my life with very severe pain and I had to have quite a scary operation. I don't massively like taking painkillers but I just had to. Otherwise I would not have been able to function at all. In fact I barely did function and ended up having to have an operation. I met this person who just went on and on about how they'd had the same condition as me but never let a painkiller pass their lips. It was bizarre, like a boast or a competition. I didn't understand why anyone would do that to someone who has had to have an operation. I just thought to myself they simply hadn't ever been in the same desperate situation or they wouldn't have been talking in such a way. Having experienced what I did I'm now quite conscious of how others may be in pain and how that can sometimes explain people being short or badtempered. I don't always assume it's down to me now. Sometimes people in pain just can't help it.

We do have a society that almost makes people feel that they can do exercises to get out of any situation. As though any pain or injury is somehow down to not following enough online exercises or following lots of advice online. Sometimes you are just injured, unlucky or suffering. Sometimes things just take time to heal, in which case painkillers can help you function or sleep. Sometimes you are stuck until the medical profession can help with an operation or whatever. If this person can't be persuaded it might be that they don't want to do the activities enough. At the end of the day you can try to find out if there is something they are scared of. Some people might be afraid of addiction and some painkillers you really need to protect your stomach. In such cases, surely a gp could talk through a regime that doesn't risk the former and that protects the latter. But when it comes to it, it is their choice. Maybe you need to let them do whatever they want to do and you do what you need to do. Perhaps there is a balance between doing things for you and family, and incorporating something less strenuous for the person to join in. Or have some activities they can't join in and some they can, depending on the situation.

my dad is always reluctant to take pain killers. He has a bad back.

One of the doctors sat him down and explained that when his back was bad he held himself in such a way as to stop it hurting, thereby training his muscles to hold his back 'wrong' and also increasing the lack of movement.

If he took ibuprofen, which relieves infammation, then he stood straight and walked straight, which helped strengthen the muscles and keep the joints in the correct position.

in other words it wasn't only about the pain, not using them was making his mobility worse.

That made him start taking them more

@NeverDropYourMooncup I appreciate there may be a multitude of reasons- I am just trying to guess the possible logic

I have asked them and they have not elaborated beyond the ‘ I don’t like idea of them’ ‘ I just never have’ or even the occasionally ‘just never thought to take them’
When it is the latter and I will highlight I am taking some and have some spare.

I don’t understand why they couldn’t tell me the reason. Although maybe I am over- estimating our communication openness. But this is a person I have dressed after they had operations, put their shoes on every weekend.

They have not mentioned anything re painkillers being a sign of weakness although maybe they don’t want to insult others. Perhaps that’s the cause.

Thanks for your suggestions

I don’t understand why they couldn’t tell me the reason

Because they don't want their viewpoint to be challenged or as you suggest, because their actual opinions may be insulting/hurtful to you.

There may also be traumatic reasons in the past that have put them off - such as a parent totally dependent upon them - and they don't want to discuss what it was like.

However, offering them your prescription medication is a really bad idea. If you're on something other than plain paracetamol or ibuprofen, it could be actually dangerous for them to have even half your prescribed dose even if they aren't allergic to them. So although it was with the kindest intentions, don't do that.

Because they are worried about becoming addicted / reliant on them and fear if they 'really' need them painkillers won't work. The fact that 'now' is often the point they 'really' need them often escapes people.

Because some people associate it with a sign of being old / dependent. Because they are scared that painkillers may 'mask' symptoms and the real issue / injury may get worse if they do too much eg - walking with arthritis.

Because 'Betty' down the road died from liver failure after taking paracetamol every day for a year.
Basically fear.

@SpideyWoman1 and @HamstersAreMyLife Yes! My partner is the same
Again can’t completely understand the logic to ‘prefer not to take them’ and go to bed when it means Abdicating from nappy changes, packed lunches and childcare

I have asked my partner to explain his views to help me understand. He believes my views are skewed because I see painkillers as normal. Likely as I have had lots of pain. @Katrinawaves I am guessing he might change his views too

My DH is one of those who won't take pain killers. He doesn't suffer from chronic pain but in cases where he's thrown his back out or severely bruised his ribs at work he just won't take anything for it. He said it's because he never has and he doesn't want to pollute himself with chemicals. Could it be something like that? I'm like you, if I'm in pain, I'll take pain relief asap. Really don't understand how you can sit there in agony and let it affect you so bad without trying to at least reduce it

Sorry @Katrinawaves i got mixed up in replies I meant to reply that to @smallshinybutton! Completely get painkillers are not a solution but they can take edge off symptoms.

@Katrinawaves i understand when it’s chronic it’s different, I just thought for occasional use even. To give example last outing - I planned sightseeing itinerary that was drivable - seeing scenery / driving through quaint village and taking weans to researched park where we literally parked beside a bench. For lunch the village had v limited parking. Family member would not be confident enough to be dropped by door of cafe- so closest car spot ( after doing lapses) was a little walk away. Family member struggled on walk - but never occurred to them to take painkillers for short walk back - even commenting it was a pity they were too sore and would have loved to walk round shops

Exactly this logic! And I know paracetamol might not help but even to try !

I don't take much pain relief for my joints as ibuprofen gives me digestion problems and is quite nasty. However I would on rare occasions if it meant I could join in with things which I otherwise could not.

@Octavia64 thanks for sharing

My MIL is like that, but she's proud of it, its something to boast about and criticise others for taking pain relief. But with her it's not just pain killers, she had to have surgery to remove a very small benign growth in her intestine (there was a chance it could become cancerous) just over two years ago, she was 82 at the time, I took her to all her appointments, she had me sit in on all consultations and meet all the doctors, she gave me a list of all the medication she was prescribed, the usual for her age, cholesterol tablets, inhaler, blood pressure tablets, something for restless legs, anti inflammatory for arthritis and some I can't remember. I was with her numerous times when she confirmed to the doctors that she was taking all of these including the final check just before surgery. She was home two days when she had a stroke, luckily I was there, realised what happened and got help very fast. After the stroke while sorting out clothes for the hospital my husband and I found a stash of medications,months and months supplies of everything she was meant to be taking, all stored in date order, we think she was binning the older ones as she got a new supply every month and was actually taking next to none of them. When questioned she said she took what she needed!! The surgeon would never have operated if he'd known she wasn't taking the meds, she blames him for the stroke and won't hear that she caused it. She's more than likely still nor taking what she's prescribed, she's never had a check up following the surgery or stroke because she bins the letters and denies receiving them. I washed my hands of her and am happier having done so.

@NeverDropYourMooncup definitely food for thought- thank you!
They might be worried about insulting me as I don’t see pain relief as a sign of weakness- it’s actually th one of the reasons I am able to care for them ( practically managing their groceries and cleaning despite my own health issues)

I don’t think it’s likely to be anything traumatic on the past given they have shared childhood challenges, martial issues. No addiction issues in family or current family circle. When addiction is on news they don’t seem to have insight.

Sorry I must have wrote that wrong sorry. I have never and will never offer them my prescription medication
Given cost to NHS, like most I pick up paracetamol for 50p for personal use when needed. I have sat in on family member’s appointments where their consultant/GP advise to take paracetamol (otherwise I would not assume it was ok)

I have only reminded them I have paracetamol in my bag( incase this was a barrier) but also tried to mention casually so they did not feel I was suggesting it
I will also remind them - I am carrying their glasses, umbrella and hanky if they need it

How do you manage arthritis pain without pain relief? I need to take it when mine plays up like today.
Yes, I could get addicted but the specialist told that taking codeine for extreme pain is less likely to be addictive than taking it for say a headache.

Saying that it doesn't always get rid of the pain totally but it makes it easier to cope with.

The effect of painkillers wears off with long term use and you find yourself needing them more. And more...

They do have side effects - they can cause damage with long term use.

Sometimes they really don't make much difference... so it's not worth it for a couple of hours of "slightly less" pain. Better to learn how to manage it.

People don't give reasons when challenged because someone wants to argue them out of those reasons - as is likely the case here. "You should take them because I want you to take them" - and reasons dismissed. People's pain is inconvenient for others.
If you have lived with pain for years and years you know this.

@WrongSwanson and @RaininSummer honestly if this family member mentioned even once having a suspected side effect from pain relief I would get it.

I know paracetamol and ibrufen don’t suit almost bodies
Or even as you suggested @Hairyfairy01 even they had anecdotal reason it caused stomach issues.
Thanks again though for suggestions

@Hairyfairy01 I do wonder if you’re right - if it’s a mental adjustment to having to accept arthritis / age/ life changing ? Perhaps
I know when I had life altering injuries I was upset for a while

I have limited patience with people
Who don't want to help themselves

@Octavia64 For some people painkillers don't work.

(I once met someone like this. Apparently if you don't have the chemicals/pathways that the painkillers work on this can happen).

I’m one of those people, painkillers have no effect on me. It’s not that I don’t want to take them, or won’t take them - I can take them, but they don’t do anything.

As someone who lives with extreme Osteoarthritis at an early age, has had one major surgery to replace a joint that had crumbled and collapsed and is now on the waiting list for at least two more joints needing replacing I can't cope without daily pain relief, for me I am on a lot stronger medication than paracetamol or ibuprofen, but without the meds I wouldn't even be able to get out of bed. I am pretty young to be suffering from this, I dread to think how bad it will be in my 60s, 70s, 80s etc

I'm one of those people who genetically codeine doesn't work for, its as useless as paracetamol which does fuck all for me unless i have a fever, and i have learned the hard way that taking ibuprofen and trying to go about my day as 'normal' does make me worse.

I only take ibuprofen when i literally physically can't move, my sciatica is bleeding through my nerve meds because i'm suffering inflammation that is making my idiot spine scream and pinch my nerves even worse, and my arthritis flare.

I've HAD stomach issues from taking it regularly, and i can't live on omeprazole, and its also bad for my asthma

It may be easy for you to think 'oh just take a couple' to make a day out easier because you've normalised popping them like sweets to get through your day, but not everyone can.

You might not understand her reasons, but you do need to respect her wishes.

My DH is like this - if he refuses to take anything for the pain he gets no sympathy when he whines about being in pain, it would be so easy to help himself but he won't so as far as I'm concerned he made the choice to be in pain. It would be different if he took the painkillers and was still suffering but had at least tried to do something

And I say this as someone who had chronic pain for a decade

@honkersbonkers38 Do you think pain killer effectiveness wear off if you took them - say two doses a month for a few years ?

This is really helpful insight- . I think I have under- estimated long term impact of pain relief I must do more research. As it was the only way I have coped- it has helped me be this persons carer.

My family member is in their 70’s and only started to have chronic pain in last few years - so I have over looked worries about long term side effects.

Appreciate paracetamol often does very little to touch pain, just I had wondered if it might be worth trying.

Thats a good point re finding other ways of managing pain. Given family members wants to go out ( and is very vocal re this) and has declined mobility scooter I am not sure what solution could be found. Maybe a heat pack. I appreciate it sounds like I am trying to come up with solutions and it’s their choice their pain- but they do speak to me daily about how their pain and mobility affects them and they wish it could be fixed

When you said ‘as is likely the case here’ - I just want to clarify I did not start this post asking for ideas/ arguments to convince my family
member to take pain relief.
Honestly when I wrote my first post - I was trying to openly admit my frustration but also look for a solution ( not to change them) but to change my perspective , to help me be more empathic

Also I have lived with pain, for decades actually. I have missed my first day at work ( unconscious in pain), burnt my skin ( using hot water to try to stem pain), struggled to manage pain whilst smiling to the weans or putting on family members socks. I have let them lean on me - despite being on pain. So I don’t think that’s relevant.

Omg!!! 😮

@PhantomUnicorn Fair point - I completely completely get they can have side effects! Like I said if I knew the person even suspected pain relief of giving them a stomach ache - I would understand

Thats a good point about re not understanding but respecting her wishes

I think I am struggling as I know her wish is also to enjoy life out in community, to walk round shops, etc - so I am probably misaligning my own frustration I can’t help her.

although lol at popping them like sweets