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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was I rude?

89 replies

EarlyBirds2 · 29/09/2023 23:25

I don't think I was, but happy to be told otherwise...

I worked in child care for many years, as a nanny. I haven't worked with kids for 3 years now though and no longer have any child care profiles online (deactivated them all when I stopped working with kids). Somehow parents have still managed to find my details from somewhere and I've had the odd email/text but always politely told them that I don't work in child care anymore.

It's never bothered me... until tonight. I was lying in bed half asleep and at 11pm my phone started ringing. I didn't recognise the number (definitely not family or friends) so just ignored it and figured if it was important they'd leave a voicemail. A few minutes later and I received a text saying "We are looking for a nanny/babysitter to look after our 19 month old son. Days are Tues-Thurs. Are you available?"

It really pissed me off so I replied "Don't you think it's rude to call someone, let alone a stranger at this time of night? It's also polite to address someone or even just say hello in a message too. Manners cost nothing, and no I don't work in childcare anymore". They haven't responded and to be honest I'm not surprised. I sent the message and immediately thought maybe I overacted. On the other hand, is it really acceptable to call someone at this time of night? Especially when it's not even an emergency and could have waited until tomorrow. That and the abrupt message, just really wound me up. If they had contacted me at a normal time during the day/evening I would have politely responded like I have with all the other parents over the years.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Damnloginpopup · 29/09/2023 23:27

Yeah. Legitimately rude. Perfectly acceptable.

OspreyLambo · 29/09/2023 23:27

YANBU.
I mean, you overreacted a bit, but I can see why.
If it makes you feel better a couple of days ago I was at work having woken up super early and was sort of rude to one of our vendors.. the dude tried to explain something and I was like 'I already know X Y Z' thank you. I don't see why he needed to explain an integral component of my job to me I'm more junior but it was one of the basics!
Not worth thinking about. It's done. move on....

SupportAnimalShelters · 29/09/2023 23:28

Yes, they are rude to call at that time of night and, yes, I think you were rude too. You could have just ignored it or said you're not available by text back. Commenting on how late it was I'd understand but no need to call them out on the format of their message.

Thepeopleversuswork · 29/09/2023 23:28

You were way OTT. I can understand finding it irritating but no one was forcing you to respond. You could have just let it lie. 11pm is borderline. Some people will be in bed, on a Friday night a lot won't.

It's not the worst crime and you've made yourself look a bit nuts, honestly.

FetchezLaVache · 29/09/2023 23:29

I think YANBU. Of course you can't phone a potential service provider at 11pm and of course they should have added some kind of polite preface to their message. You've done them a favour to point these things out.

cocksstrideintheevening · 29/09/2023 23:32

Bit ott but I just wouldn't have responded.

RobinGet · 29/09/2023 23:33

I think your message was proportionate to their rudeness. I hate it when people don’t start communication with a ‘hi’ or similar. And 11pm is too late to be ringing strangers.

Lucy Long Socks · 29/09/2023 23:33

I think you were rude. But you're probably tired and irritable that time of night.

I always pop my phone on silent after 10.30. Except for family. It also has a feature that if an unknown person calls 3 times then it will ring out too.

Sparklybanana · 29/09/2023 23:34

I wouldn't have called at 11 but you were over the top and rude in your reply. You could have left it till morning and simply said you don't work in childcare. You also hypocritically didn't say hi in your message, but jumped down their throats instead because they didn't greet you in an informal text.

Nsky62 · 29/09/2023 23:35

You responded reasonably, maybe they were catching with stuff, a text, not a call at that time of night

Doingtheboxerbeat · 29/09/2023 23:36

I'm a very committed night owl and I would never call anyone at that time of night for non emergency unless prearranged - family in Oz type of thing.
Only bootycallers / drunk ex's do this .

Regholdsworthswaterbed · 29/09/2023 23:36

Good for you. Too many twats about who deserve calling out.

Malarandras · 29/09/2023 23:37

Everyone was rude in this scenario. You could’ve just blocked them and saved yourself some energy.

Original poster

EarlyBirds2 · 29/09/2023 23:43

@Lucy Long Socks I must admit I am pretty tired and probably a bit irritable after a long week!

OP posts:

jlpth · 29/09/2023 23:48

A call then text at that time of night, from someone you don't know, with no greeting was very rude indeed. Your reply was fine - if nobody calls these fuckers out, they continue to behave like it.

CherryMaDeara · 29/09/2023 23:50

Yes, the lack of even a cursory ‘hi’ is very telling. I’m glad you told them off.

Mistressofnone · 29/09/2023 23:51

That's bonkers to call you at that time of night!

But your message did make me think of June Whitfield in the London episode of Friends

"And by the way, young lady, that is not how one addresses a person on the telephone. First one identifies oneself and then asks for the person with whom one wishes to speak."

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 29/09/2023 23:52

Possibly not your finest moment, but they were very rude first so not worth losing sleep over. You're allowed to be grumpy when strangers try to phone you at 11pm.

Blinkinbloodyhayfever · 29/09/2023 23:53

As someone else who has customers with no concept of reasonable times to contact people - I applaud you. I have my phone on do not disturb outside of working hours, but have to make sure it's on if dc are on a trip or sleepover. I let people know its isn't okay to contact me late at night, but I unfortunately have to do it politely.

WhateverMate · 29/09/2023 23:55

Their message was rude but yours was overkill.

They probably felt like they'd been told off by their grandmother! 😂😂

Original poster

EarlyBirds2 · 29/09/2023 23:57

@Mistressofnone oh dear! And I'm normally pretty chilled, honest 😂

OP posts:

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 29/09/2023 23:57

They were rude first. Maybe they will use some manners now.

fettuccini · 29/09/2023 23:57

I think you had every right to be rude. They were ruder. It's never been acceptable to call a stranger out of the blue requesting their services at 11pm. Doesn't even matter if it is a Friday night and some people stay up later.

WellDuh · 29/09/2023 23:59

Think your response was perfect tbh! Cheeky sods!

UncleHerbie · 30/09/2023 00:01

YWNU! How very rude

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