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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I rude?

89 replies

EarlyBirds2 · 29/09/2023 23:25

I don't think I was, but happy to be told otherwise...

I worked in child care for many years, as a nanny. I haven't worked with kids for 3 years now though and no longer have any child care profiles online (deactivated them all when I stopped working with kids). Somehow parents have still managed to find my details from somewhere and I've had the odd email/text but always politely told them that I don't work in child care anymore.

It's never bothered me... until tonight. I was lying in bed half asleep and at 11pm my phone started ringing. I didn't recognise the number (definitely not family or friends) so just ignored it and figured if it was important they'd leave a voicemail. A few minutes later and I received a text saying "We are looking for a nanny/babysitter to look after our 19 month old son. Days are Tues-Thurs. Are you available?"

It really pissed me off so I replied "Don't you think it's rude to call someone, let alone a stranger at this time of night? It's also polite to address someone or even just say hello in a message too. Manners cost nothing, and no I don't work in childcare anymore". They haven't responded and to be honest I'm not surprised. I sent the message and immediately thought maybe I overacted. On the other hand, is it really acceptable to call someone at this time of night? Especially when it's not even an emergency and could have waited until tomorrow. That and the abrupt message, just really wound me up. If they had contacted me at a normal time during the day/evening I would have politely responded like I have with all the other parents over the years.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Daffodilwoman · 30/09/2023 00:03

They were rude.

Motherofjessie · 30/09/2023 00:06

I suppose they might not be in UK but I wouldn't stress about calls that time of night unless they were from my parents or siblings.

EliflurtleTripanInfinite · 30/09/2023 00:07

Calling at the time of night is for emergencies, unless you know they'll be up and happy to chat. Then they doubled down with a rude text. They were extremely rude and you called it out. Good for you, CF don't understand anything else.

oneproudmumma · 30/09/2023 00:07

They were wrong to call you at 11pm but there was still no need for you to be so rude!

Needmorelego · 30/09/2023 00:08

I would have maybe gone for a "Who is this and how did you get this number?" - but I don't think you were unreasonable.

TheCentreSlide · 30/09/2023 00:11

I love that you expressed yourself so firmly. Well done. If they gave a damn about appropriate communication they wouldn’t have phoned and then texted you at 11pm.

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 30/09/2023 00:15

What response did you expect from them when you'd said no?

Maybe could have said "OK thanks" but you'd bitched them out so why would they bother?

YouOKHun · 30/09/2023 00:15

I would personally have just ignored the text until the morning and then responded in the same brief way, but I do think it’s very rude to call someone so late and to follow it up with an abrupt text. It’s probably indicative of the sort of employers they’d be.

Original poster
EarlyBirds2 · 30/09/2023 00:18

@ButWhatAboutTheBees to be honest I thought they might have told me to F off 😅

OP posts:
Alloveragain3 · 30/09/2023 00:21

I mean, I'd be more inclined to ask where they got your contact details so you can take them down.

Original poster
EarlyBirds2 · 30/09/2023 00:26

@Alloveragain3 in hindsight that probably would have been a better idea

OP posts:
Alloveragain3 · 30/09/2023 00:29

Regardless, them contacting you so late is utterly ridiculous so YANBU.

Some people seem to think the whole world is there to serve them. Probably not the kind of person you'd want to work for!

10HailMarys · 30/09/2023 00:33

YANBU to be sharp with them. YABU to be mulling it over though! Who cares if they think you were rude? You’re not a nanny any more and you won’t ever need to speak to these entitled arseholes ever again. Be as rude to these dickheads as you like - they’re random strangers with no manners. They have no impact on your life whatsoever and it doesn’t matter if they were offended.

IslandAngle · 30/09/2023 00:35

I think they were wrong to call you at that time, then impolite not to even say ‘Hi’ or ‘Hello’.
Then yes, I think you were a tad rude but it was totally justified. And will hopefully make them think in future!

griegwithhimandhim · 30/09/2023 00:36

11pm is not the right time of day to contact the self-employed unless they are an emergency plumber.

Some people are just crass.

PinkMoscatoLover · 30/09/2023 00:36

jlpth · 29/09/2023 23:48

A call then text at that time of night, from someone you don't know, with no greeting was very rude indeed. Your reply was fine - if nobody calls these fuckers out, they continue to behave like it.

100%. I can’t see how you were rude or ott tbh. How can you message someone you don’t even know so late in the night? That’s fucking rude

givemeasunnyday · 30/09/2023 00:44

YANBU. How have we evolved into a culture where it is deemed acceptable to contact people at any hour of the day or night? I also agree that it was rude to just launch into their request with no greeting. Basic good manners seem to be a thing of the past for many.

Ladyj84 · 30/09/2023 00:57

Both rude I mean who calls to arrange childcare at 11pm how very odd

Mistressofnone · 30/09/2023 02:55

EarlyBirds2 · 29/09/2023 23:57

@Mistressofnone oh dear! And I'm normally pretty chilled, honest 😂

Haha I say good on you. They need to learn and they were communicating as though you should be grateful for the work.

CoughingMajoress · 30/09/2023 03:47

I wouldn't dream of phoning anyone at 11pm, unless it was a close friend or loved one who I knew definitely didn't go to bed till much later than that.

Your response was very sharp but they were actively rude and thoughtless.

QueenBitch666 · 30/09/2023 04:32

Good on you. I would have responded exactly the same

springtome · 30/09/2023 04:59

I don't understand how people don't understand business hours. Calls at 11pm
are completely out of order so you were right to tell them.

This is not nearly so but but... I work in a school, I am in payroll. My work phone diverts to my mobile/I have a mobile number app so only one device but two numbers. I can turn the work part off but never bother as I worry I will forget to switch it back on.

What always surprises me is how many times a get a call in a weekend. Who calls a school on a weekend? I don't bother answering but sometimes I want to just to find out who they are!

Ffsmakeitstop · 30/09/2023 05:18

Yanbu unreasonable. I'm on a FB site for recycling stuff you no longer need and a lady was offering something and this man just replied "I'll have it" and whoops before you know it I'd replied to him "a please would be nice".
I got so many likes(not why I did it) it was just like correcting children.

AutumnOcean · 30/09/2023 05:24

Hi OP, I don't think you were rude at all. 11pm would make me think it's an emergency call, and you're right, it's not hard to say hi. They were rude.

GodDammitCecil · 30/09/2023 05:24

You said a great deal more in your reply than I would have done, but if a friend told me they’d done this, I’d say bloody good on them!

Who cares if you were ‘rude’? They’re strangers and they texted you at 11pm!?! And didn’t even say ‘hello’. Rude CFs.

They deserved the reply they got.

Although agree with pp - next time ask then ask them where they got your number.