Dating someone with NPD

[TheSlowRush]

This is a more of WWYD. And not looking for judgements

Been on two dates with a guy and have slept with him, used recreational drugs, which in my line of work would be a sackable offence.

Has come to my attention that he has severe NPD and in the past has been a “public figure” and been incredibly vindictive when called out on his behaviour publicly, to tie point of putting someone’s life at risk.

I don’t want to see him again, and left this morning when he was unkind to me and then Googled and was a bit shocked. He video messaged me later saying he “forgives” me for leaving.

How do I end this safely? Do I block him at risk of him contacting my employer (re drug use )or as he has NPD am I irrelevant small fry to him?

Text him telling him to fuck off (incredibly nicely).

Not contact him and let it cool off naturally?

TIA

Does he know it is a sackable offence for you?

could you let someone at work know you went on two dates with someone who youve realised is not stable???

Yeah he knows

I would consider whether to say to your work that you’re worried someone might try to get revenge after breaking up with them just in case.

I would probably give him some kind of excuse about why you don’t want to see him again if he contacts you again that lets him keep his own image of himself

Am currently on LTS.

Has he threatened to contact your employer? Does he know where you live?

Exactly how sackable an offence is it? Would you definitely be fired or might your employer be sympathetic?

I wonder about contacting the police, if you have any reason to believe you might not be safe.

No he does not have my home address.

Not sure if I would def be sacked but we can be randomly drug tested (which had not happened in 15 years - and it would be his word against mine unless I was tested).

In the last message he sent - did he definitely expect you to see or contact him again?

Yes

He kept banging on about this celeb “friend” he has,

This person is currently under fire in the media and I found an article this “celeb” wrote, which absolutely slated this guy.

How thick does he think I am and how stupid does he think I am?

Just tell him thank you for a nice time but you're not looking to get involved with anyone then slow fade.

I’d just reply and say something “like thank you for your video message, it’s good of you to be so understanding. Nice seeing you last night. Take care”

I know you shouldn’t have to, but I’d do a tiny bit of playing nice to avoid a confrontation.

Recreational drug use would be a sackable offence in my job too, OP, but if some rando contacted my employer and alleged that I had taken drugs, the worst that would happen is I would be asked about it by my line manager, which I would deny and tell them it was just someone disgruntled about being rejected. I guess if they continued to have suspicions they might do a drugs test but I doubt it. Do you know how long whatever you took stays in your system / shows up on a test?

Unless it was weed you smoked, I wouldn’t worry. A random drugs test would be clean by Mon, possibly Tues. Weed however, lasts ages

Be pleasant but vague, thank him for a nice time and cool off avoiding any drama. He will probably get bored if you quietly withdraw, even if he throws a bit of grandstanding your way first. Don't worry too much about your employer, as others said most substances will leave your system. Try and just put it all behind you

Well he must think you’re reasonably easily lead and possibly he thinks you’re Stupid if you’d put your career on the line by doing something with a bloke you’ve met twice. I dunno. You need real wise up a bit or shit like this will keep happening

I wouldn't be replying full stop.

Depends what drug it is.

cocaine will be out of your system in 3-5 days. If this is the case, just chin him off and deny all knowledge.

cannabis is trickier- for a long term heavy user, could be months in your system. Get some 20mg urine dip tests on Amazon and see if you come up non-negative and go from there.

I would be clear but polite. "Sorry, this is not going to work our for me" is fine. You don’t have to give details of why. If he persists text him with another clear message "please stop contacting me" and screenshot it.

I had this happen a couple of years ago - I thought he would forget about me quite quickly if I just tried to phase it out but instead he turned up on my doorstep every day and spied on me when I was out walking. When I called the police the above advice is what they told me to do. He did stop after I sent the second message. It had clearly happened before.

I don't know what the acronyms mean.

NPD
LTS

is he a Councillor ?

I just wouldn’t contact him. I sort of dated and slated a man with NPD and let’s just say he it didn’t end well and he was vindictive and threatened me. So I’d ignore.

If he tells work about the drugs it will be your word versus his, so just lie. Sorry you are going through this.

I don't know how likely it is that your work would call you in off LTS to do a drugs test... In theory perhaps they can but in real life I'm not sure it's likely (I dunno the job but previously did jobs where random drug tests were a possibility). Don't worry too much. Could this be the comedown making you panic?

I'd give a nice, final sign off as above. Dont make it a big deal or a big goodbye, just light, polite and friendly. Let him have the last word if he wants. He doesn't deserve it but at least you know you've spared his feelings.

Who is the guy?

If his frustration Russell Brand run twice as far.

Sorry "friend "