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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Im an adult and my mum slapped me.

58 replies

Sosleeepy · 29/09/2023 10:03

Twice in a year this has happened now. She has anger issues and blows things out of proportion and it results in her slapping me in the face. She’s had stuff going on and worries in her life but I don’t think it excuses this behaviour and taking things out on me. Then she tried to hug me straight after but she never says sorry or she will try to make herself the victim and won’t acknowledge what she’s done. The first time it happened she said the slap wasn’t even hard but I had a red mark and my cheek was stinging. I’ve had enough, just feeling sad as I have absolutely no support.

OP posts:

NutellaEllaElla · 29/09/2023 10:05

What would you do if it was anybody else?

Nanny0gg · 29/09/2023 10:07

Sosleeepy · 29/09/2023 10:03

Do you live with her? Can you move out?
Do you have a dad? Siblings?

dearanon · 29/09/2023 10:09

I would have slapped her rigit back.

Do you have anyone else you can stay with or have money to house share?

Dramatic · 29/09/2023 10:13

Do you still live with her? How old are you? This can't go on, it's abuse whether you're an adult or a child. She is trying to gaslight you in to thinking you deserved it or whatever, there's no excuse for slapping your daughter in the face.

Antst · 29/09/2023 10:14

Jesus. First of all, you need to tell her firmly that she can't treat you that way. Tell her you're keeping a diary of her violence and do. Write down the dates and times when she has assaulted you. Tell her you'll take it to the police if it ever happens again.

If you live with her, you need to make a plan to leave.

If you don't live with her, you need to cut her off at least until she gets real help.

Somanycats · 29/09/2023 10:16

Has she always done this or is it a new behaviour?

ManateeFair · 29/09/2023 10:16

What are your circumstances? Do you live with her? How old are you?

It is not acceptable for anyone to slap you EVER. It's assault and abuse. It's no more acceptable for a parent to hit you than it would be for a partner to hit you.

Original poster

Sosleeepy · 29/09/2023 10:19

Thanks everyone. She’s always had a bad temper @Somanycats but only in the last year has she started to take it out on me and slapped me.

I am 20 and I am trying to find somewhere to live and move out as I don’t feel comfortable being around her when she is like this. We have typical disagreements sometimes but for example if she has had a bad day at work she just lets her frustration out on me

OP posts:

minou123 · 29/09/2023 10:20

This is absolutely not OK.

It does not matter that she has "stuff going on and worries in her life" or "the slap wasn’t even hard".
None of that excuses her hitting you

I have shitty things happening in my life - in fact, every person has stuff going on in their life, but that does not give any of us the right to hit/slap someone.

If you live with her, start to move out. It'll be tough, but it's much easier than having to deal with being slapped.
If you don't live with her, I would be seriously considering reducing or going no contact.

hellohelp · 29/09/2023 10:22

Sorry op that is shocking I hope you are ok. I don't know how I would feel, I would be very upset

Mammajay · 29/09/2023 10:23

Oh sweety..twenty is so young. Your mother is so wrong. Good luck finding somewhere to live.

Harridge74 · 29/09/2023 10:30

Im sorry to hear this. Its not a nice position to be in when you have no support and as someone else said, it is a form of gas lighting. I can relate.
In my opinion, you need to send a message as inactivity will just feed her behaviour. Move out is obviously the best option here.

LookingForPurpose · 29/09/2023 10:30

This is absolutely 100% unacceptable. I've got 4 kids are 15-25 and I would never dream of slapping their face. In your shoes I would seriously consider reporting her and getting emergency housing.

Sunshinenrain · 29/09/2023 10:36

Slap her back.
Some people act a certain way because they are allowed to get away with it.

Slapping her back will give her a taste of her own medicine and you can act like it was a reflex (it would be for me) and apologise like she does.

Do you work?

You could look into going to university and staying in the accommodation or even Ib the forces which provides accommodation.

Characterbuilding · 29/09/2023 10:44

Not okay, coming from a mum with kids of various ages including one of 20 who lives with me. I was raised by a father with a temper and work hard to keep my own temper in check for the simple fact that this is NEVER okay. Even if provoked, even if under stress, even when not getting on, even if goaded. Please try to get help and get away. Your mum is supposed to love and protect you, this is abuse.

mbosnz · 29/09/2023 10:46

I would tell her, very, very firmly, that the next time she hits you, she is going to get it back twice as fucking hard. Or, alternatively, you will go to the police and tell them about her multiple assaults on you. Her choice.

My mother was once saying how it was lucky she believed me when I was falsely accused of something, because otherwise she'd have given me a hiding. I was in my thirties when we had this conversation. I was thirteen when this incident happened. I said to her that it was a bloody good thing she believed me, because I would have given it back to her twofold. She was gobsmacked, gobsmacked I tell you. How could I, her DAUGHTER, even conceive of offering her violence?!

She made bloody sure she never put a finger on me again.

MariePaperRoses · 29/09/2023 11:00

Learn to duck would be helpful if you know she's prone to lashing out!

Seriously, you have to stand up to her, step forward and shove her hard. Make her feel fearful that the tables could turn and she will be the one that is hurt.

spanishviola · 29/09/2023 11:07

Don't slap her back but do tell her will report her to the police if she does this again. It is domestic abuse.

May09Bump · 29/09/2023 11:28

Not acceptable. Don't slap her back as it will lead to a full on fight. Rent a room, pack whilst she is out / move out whilst she is out and go no contact. If you can move out of the area too.

Nicole1111 · 29/09/2023 11:28

Call the police and report it or if you don’t want to do that do it when she does it again (which she will). Right now she thinks there are no consequences for her actions so she has no motivation to change

Clarinet1 · 29/09/2023 11:34

I don’t think you should slap her or get physical in return - that would be lowering yourself to her level an likely to lead to a more prolonged fight.

I’m with those who say you need to move out a reduce contact.

GirlOfTudor · 29/09/2023 11:36

I'm so sorry. This isn't not acceptable or excusable. I can't imagine ever making this mistake and not saying sorry.
Please do your best to move out and find elsewhere because it won't be the last time. Then you can decide how much contact you want with her, if any.
💜💜💜

BMW6 · 29/09/2023 11:40

This is physical abuse. Make moves to get away from her ASAP, tell her the violence is unacceptable and you will wash your hands of her in future.

Birch101 · 29/09/2023 11:57

Do not accept it.

On the very very slim chance
Has their been any other personality changes health issues could there be something behind this medically, even the menopause can cause some women to have violent outbursts
(and that is not me condoning this)
Do you know if she has been physically violent in the past e.g. with partners

2jacqi · 29/09/2023 12:18

and you are still in contact after the first slap???? get a grip and move out with no contact!!

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