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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is one of the worst things you can do to a child?

52 replies

trewsa · 29/09/2023 05:36

Forcing/manipulating them into friendships then getting angry with them when they don't seem keen on the child you've forced them with? And for context age wise I'm talking roughly 15

OP posts:
Neverwatchedgameofthrones · 29/09/2023 05:41

No.

Is it OK? No. But is it the one of the worst things you can do? Not even close.

liveforsummer · 29/09/2023 05:42

More context needed. It's ok to teach children they should try to rub along with people sometimes or make an effort. I'm not sure how you actually force someone, especially a teen, to be good friends with someone though.

liveforsummer · 29/09/2023 05:42

But yeh way of worst things unless the punishment is really extreme

GodDammitCecil · 29/09/2023 05:43

I would never do it.

But one of the worst things you can do to a child?

Hardly.

Frenchfancy · 29/09/2023 05:46

Not very nice but doesn't even come close to the worst things you could do to a child.

If you want to discuss it I suggest you change the title of your thread.

Original poster
trewsa · 29/09/2023 05:46

Thank

OP posts:
Original poster
trewsa · 29/09/2023 05:47

Sorry posted too soon - thanks all for responding - not one of the very worst things maybe, I can see that now but still potentially damaging emotionally

OP posts:
Original poster
trewsa · 29/09/2023 05:49

@*liveforsummer
*
Way to 'force' a teen into friendships is using extreme and constant emotional blackmail if they're not complying to your liking

OP posts:
VioletPickles · 29/09/2023 05:49

It’s not ideal, but so far from being ‘the worst’.

what’s the back story op?

Original poster
trewsa · 29/09/2023 05:49

Sorry for bold fail !!

OP posts:
Original poster
trewsa · 29/09/2023 05:50

@VioletPickles - I was harshly pushed into friendships as a child with damaging consequences- that's the backstory

OP posts:
Noopnoop · 29/09/2023 05:50

I wish this type of the situation was one of the "worst things" I'd experienced. You are massively unreasonable OP. You really should change the title.

TeenDivided · 29/09/2023 05:54

I suggest you repost somewhere like relationships, starting with a 'this is what happened to me' paragraph.

nutellacrepe · 29/09/2023 05:58

It could be emotionally damaging, yes.

Although I would expect by 15 most young people are quite headstrong and know who they do/ don't want to be friends with and are able to assert that.

TheaBrandt · 29/09/2023 06:01

How would this even work? I’ve had no say over my girls friendships since around the age of 7 ish.

nutellacrepe · 29/09/2023 06:02

trewsa · 29/09/2023 05:50

@VioletPickles - I was harshly pushed into friendships as a child with damaging consequences- that's the backstory

Just saw this - sorry to hear it. Regarding my previous comment, I don't mean to imply that you should have asserted yourself more, only that I can imagine some teenagers I know would kick up a massive fuss about it.

Your parents should not have been angry over who you chose to be friends with or not.

MaggieBsBoat · 29/09/2023 06:02

It’s hard to make a 15 year old do this.
Getting on with others who you find annoying is a life skill though and some young adults don’t have this skill because it was never trained into them. My nieces (24) were home taught and told that they didn’t even have to stay in the same room as people they don’t agree with or like. 2 of the most outstandingly obnoxious people I’ve ever met.

It’s not nice at all to emotionally blackmail a child over something like this. It’s way down the list of bad things though and to imply otherwise suggests a massively sheltered life. Lucky you!

inappropriateraspberry · 29/09/2023 06:03

It depends what happened in that 'friendship' but on the face of it, no.
You say there was emotional blackmail, you were being mean rally & emotionally abused I suppose, but without a full story it is hard to judge.

MaggieBsBoat · 29/09/2023 06:04

I just reread- I still stand by what I said, but I’m sorry you’ve had damaging consequences from this. In the long run it is something you need to grow through and understand.

Original poster
trewsa · 29/09/2023 06:09

@nutellacrepe - that's ok - I mean to be honest - I wish I had asserted myself and stood my ground more. But by 15 I'd become very submissive as my mum could get very harsh/aggressive if I didn't do as she wanted. But even so - I WISH I'd stood my ground more. I just rolled over all too easily

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 29/09/2023 06:09

TeenDivided · 29/09/2023 05:54

I suggest you repost somewhere like relationships, starting with a 'this is what happened to me' paragraph.

This. Exactly what I was going to type.

Vaguebooking is really unlikely to result in empathetic, relevant replies OP.

Simonjt · 29/09/2023 06:09

It couldn’r be further from thr worst thing you can do to a child.

Original poster
trewsa · 29/09/2023 06:12

@inappropriateraspberry** - it wasn't a good friendship. In fact I wouldn't dignify it by calling it a friendship. My 'friend' was condescending and put me down but I took great pleasure as I got older in giving her the cold shoulder Grin

OP posts:
TheRealProfessorYaffle · 29/09/2023 06:17

I wish that I agreed this was the worst thing that could happen to a child. Having worked with some very damaged people who suffered appalling childhoods I can only disagree, so YABU.

WhatNoRaisins · 29/09/2023 06:20

OP it doesn't matter whether other people consider this to be the worst thing parents can do. I agree with PP, all this does is open an irrelevant discussion that won't help you, post another thread talking about your own experience.