To band my sisters husband from Christmas.

[BannedfromChristmas]

We have all the family around for Christmas sis has not been for around 2 years as she tends to spend Christmas withh friends. August she announces she would like to come to us with dick had in tow ( we didn't know he was a dick head at rhe time) fine no problem. We have room for them to stay as they a travelling a long way.
Last week she rings up in tears as he has smacked her and apparently not the first time either.
I comfort her and help her to make plans to leave. She texts today to say they have talked things through and she hopes I can accept her decision and can they still stay at Christmas.
WIBU to say I don't want him in my house, near my home and staying in one of my beds or put up and shut up foe sake of her.
I have a child who is 7 that I don't really want him around. Miy instinct is to day that she is welcome but him not. I don't want to make things worse for her but I fucking hate him.

It would probably be best if he didn't come because in your shoes I'd end up getting him on his own and telling him in no uncertain terms what I thought of him.

and I'd be hard pushed to keep my hands to myself.

I’d still have them. I’d tolerate him -whilst telling sister that’s exactly what it was just tolerating- so that my sister didn’t have a Christmas alone with him. He’ll be banking on you banning him and isolating your sister further. Sometimes you do have to just quietly tolerate til they are ready to leave.

If they have previously spent the day with friends has he successfully separated her from them already?
Are they coming to you because her relationships with her old 'crew' has broken?
It's an awful thing to have to do but, on the understanding that he has always been perfectly fine around your DS and everyone else, for her sake you must not rescind the invitation now. Don't give him any leverage to paint you as the bad guy. Let her know that you are always her sister and there for her in times of need even if you disagree and fall out. She can count on you.
Without support she can never leave: that's why he'll make it hard for you to remain close.

No, I wouldn't have him staying at my house. I would tell her she was very very welcome, but he would not be allowed to step one foot inside my house.

I’d tell her that you can’t in good faith have him at your house with what he did. Not only are you protective of her but you have a child to think about. I also agree that if he is prepared to come knowing that you all know, he must be a psycho. Def wouldn’t have him anywhere near my child. I hope your sister sees sense. Let her know you are there any time she needs.

Of course you can't have him in your home. Why would you willingly and knowingly subject your own child to an abusive fuckhead? He has a right to be 100% safe in his own home, and not be at risk of violence. Even without your child in the picture, why would you allow such scum into your home?

I'd be telling sister that she is welcome, but the violent thug she's with is never, ever, allowed to step foot in your house; at Christmas, or any other time.

Tricky one. I have family members who have gone through this. Quite often women get conditioned to accept violence and will believe DPs assertion that this is the last time/it will not happen again. I would be clear that you are always there and particularly be clear she has resources and a place to go if she needs to. In my family’s case it was five years before she had the courage to leave. As for Christmas on balance I would invite both and then grey rock him. Sending a clear message that you know what he is about but not isolating sis.. Abusers try and isolate their victims.