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Original poster

Tell me it isn't normal for men to leave skidmarks in the loo for women to clean?

71 replies

thefuckingdisrespect · 28/09/2023 14:26

I can't quite believe I'm writing this, but I'm kind of freaked out that this happened.

Staying with friends recently. My friend's partner several times left shit marks down the loo - as in, when I used the bathroom later on, they were still there. My poor friend cleaned the loo at some point later that day on those occasions, I certainly was not going to.

Is this 'normal' for want of a better word? Do men really do this?

My partner is a woman. My male relatives do not do this. My grandpa used to do this and expect my grandma to clean it, he saw cleaning as women's work.

It seems really disrespectful to anyone else in the house if somebody does this? I can't believe a guy in his 40's thinks this is ok - surely it is unusual?

OP posts:
billyt · 28/09/2023 14:31

Don't know about unusual, it's disgusting.

I wouldn't dream of leaving a toilet filthy for anyone else to clean. My wife, cleaner, anyone.

It's common decency to leave a toilet how you'd expect to find it. Unless they like being greeted by someone else's shit. Filthy bastards.

randomrandom · 28/09/2023 14:32

No, it's not normal its disgusting

Lentilweaver · 28/09/2023 14:32

Absolutely not. Neither my DH nor my DS do it. My DS is a teen and he wouldn't inflict this on me.

HorseySurprise · 28/09/2023 14:34

I bet he'd say "just didn't/doesn't notice it" - convenient temporary blindness. That's what my ex always used to say. Once he had just come out as I was going in and I noticed the marks so I grabbed his hand to bring him back in to show him (and get him to clean it). Honestly I couldn't believe it, he came in - I think he thought he was on a promise at first, bleurgh - then when he saw what I was getting at he protested, said no no and ran out. So obviously I learned from that that cleaning his shite off the toilet must be my job. Well, I thought, they never mentioned that in the wedding vows. Did I mention he's an ex?

Snowinjulyy · 28/09/2023 14:35

Nope, not normal.

Original poster
thefuckingdisrespect · 28/09/2023 14:36

Relieved to see this isn't normal for the majority out there, like I thought.

I'm uneasy for my friend though.

OP posts:
Sehenswürdigkeiten · 28/09/2023 14:38

Not routinely. I guess the exception might be if someone is really ill.

Chypre · 28/09/2023 14:38

No, its not normal. Also doing a pass with a toilet brush is not "cleaning", its just a part of visiting the toilet, as is wiping after the nr2. Ick.

Wishimaywishimight · 28/09/2023 14:38

My (now) DH did it once when we first moved in together. I was horrified! I said to him "you might want to go back and check the loo". It took him a second to realise what I meant, he was mortified, cleaned it and it hasn't happened since (nearly 20 years on).

I certainly would not clean up after another adult!

Somanycats · 28/09/2023 14:38

Truth is I honestly don't think they expect women to clean it. They don't care the marks are there and don't care if they stay there. If they think about it at all the probably imagine the flush will get rid eventually.

CluelessHamster · 28/09/2023 14:43

Somanycats · 28/09/2023 14:38

Truth is I honestly don't think they expect women to clean it. They don't care the marks are there and don't care if they stay there. If they think about it at all the probably imagine the flush will get rid eventually.

Yes. If no one has ever called him up on it and his mum and now his wife have always just cleaned it without saying anything then he probably thinks toilets are self cleaning - as children do until they get old enough for someone to point it out to them - although by 40 and in someone else's home, you would have thought he'd have figured it out!!!

Not something I would put up with in a life partner!

BrawnWild · 28/09/2023 14:45

Mine did it when we first moved in. I sent him back in to clean in. 15 years on it never happened again.

Who would just clean it up for them?!

abc12378 · 28/09/2023 14:46

My 18 year old stepson does this and it's disgusting

Lavender14 · 28/09/2023 14:47

My dh would never. That's disgusting

ginandtonicwithlimes · 28/09/2023 14:47

I clean ladies toilets. They are just as bad at ill. Probably don't care if either a man or woman have to clean it to be honest.

ManateeFair · 28/09/2023 14:49

Somanycats · 28/09/2023 14:38

Truth is I honestly don't think they expect women to clean it. They don't care the marks are there and don't care if they stay there. If they think about it at all the probably imagine the flush will get rid eventually.

Yes, I think it's this. It's not a case of them thinking 'This is a woman's job'. It's a case of them thinking 'It doesn't matter'.

Xrays · 28/09/2023 14:50

Somanycats · 28/09/2023 14:38

Truth is I honestly don't think they expect women to clean it. They don't care the marks are there and don't care if they stay there. If they think about it at all the probably imagine the flush will get rid eventually.

Yep I think this is it. My ex thought like this. Glad he’s an ex….!

Original poster
thefuckingdisrespect · 28/09/2023 14:50

Sehenswürdigkeiten · 28/09/2023 14:38

Not routinely. I guess the exception might be if someone is really ill.

Yes I agree it is an exception if somebody is ill or disabled and they need help.

This isn't that though.

OP posts:
Monkeymonkeymoo · 28/09/2023 14:50

I’ve lived with a few men (as a partner and as friends/house share) and no-one has ever done this. My brothers, dad and FIL also manage not to do it.
One of DH’s friends did it while he was staying with us and DH had a word to say he needed to keep the guest bathroom clean.
Some men are grim (as are some women) but in my personal experience it’s not common.

ManateeFair · 28/09/2023 14:50

ginandtonicwithlimes · 28/09/2023 14:47

I clean ladies toilets. They are just as bad at ill. Probably don't care if either a man or woman have to clean it to be honest.

Yeah, the women's loos in my offices are frequently gross, and there are brushes provided in each cubicle so there's no excuse. I genuinely don't think this is just a man thing.

momonpurpose · 28/09/2023 15:01

My ex did this and complained I never wanted to be romantic with him. Uhm because that gave me the ick.

DonnaBanana · 28/09/2023 15:04

It depends I think. At ours we all leave 'traces' in the toilet every now and then and it doesn't always get cleaned up immediately and especially with kids and teens etc. Blood at certain times, small skids, sometimes paper, but I put bleach down every night and it's all gone no complaints. If it's how your family is, it's fine. I wouldn't want it like that in the visitor loo though.

Grumpyold · 28/09/2023 15:08

I honestly didn't realise people got so upset about this until I was on MN. It's not something I'd ever do or have done consciously, but AFAIK you use the loo, as it's intended, flush, wash your hands and walk away. I wouldn't know if there were skid marks or not. Stopping to check is just not something I was ever taught to do or thoguht of. Now I know, I am more careful.

Judging by the state of the loo at work, it's not only men.

TomatoSandwiches · 28/09/2023 15:09

Ugh 🤢

Lentilweaver · 28/09/2023 15:10

Ugh I have to hurl now. It's just so gross. Stopping to check is basic. Also check for any menstrual blood.

I have a cleaner, and we don't even leave them for her.