Tell me it isn't normal for men to leave skidmarks in the loo for women to clean?

[thefuckingdisrespect]

I can't quite believe I'm writing this, but I'm kind of freaked out that this happened.

Staying with friends recently. My friend's partner several times left shit marks down the loo - as in, when I used the bathroom later on, they were still there. My poor friend cleaned the loo at some point later that day on those occasions, I certainly was not going to.

Is this 'normal' for want of a better word? Do men really do this?

My partner is a woman. My male relatives do not do this. My grandpa used to do this and expect my grandma to clean it, he saw cleaning as women's work.

It seems really disrespectful to anyone else in the house if somebody does this? I can't believe a guy in his 40's thinks this is ok - surely it is unusual?

I have come across this, and it's always been men. Both male family members and men I've been close to.

It's either poo marks or it's leaving piss all over the seat/floor. The strange thing is some of the men who have left loos like this have been polite 'normal' men which makes it even harder to understand.

Well it's your poo, from your body, you are using tissue paper and you will (I hope) wash your hands thoroughly afterwards. People literally pick up dog poo with a bag so why would wiping your own poo off the toilet be anymore disgusting than that? In some places in the world it’s the norm to not use toilet paper, but only water. Which is probably a cleaner way of doing it.

A toilet brush on the other hand, has the household's poo all over it and is left in its holder to marinate all of that poo between users. Of course that's more manky than wiping with a tissue and then flushing it away!

My DH did it once. He wouldn't dare do it again.

Checking the pan after you've used it is just common courtesy. Even in a public loo.

It's your own poo - you've presumably wiped yourself beforehand in any case. You do it after you flush and then if necessary flush again - so your hand is going into more or less clean water, and you are using toilet paper, not wiping it with your bare hands. Then it is all flushed away and you WASH your hands. Nowadays I would only do this when cleaning the toilet after myself - not after anyone else, those days are long gone.

A toilet brush can have poo on it from any number of family members or visitors just hanging around - even if you rinse it.

My DH sometimes does. I don't think it's because he's expecting me to clean it, he just doesn't mind the toilet in that state.

Well, my toilet brush is made of rubber so no manky bristles, there is no poo on it (at least visible), and no water/ poo in the brush holder. And I don't touch the bit that cleans the poo. I just find the idea of sticking my hand into the toilet water with visible poo inside a bit gross.

Yes this is exactly why I would like prefer to do it myself.

I don't trust men to do it properly.

We're talking about other people's shitty skid marks.

It’s gross and sorry, but your friend is an idiot.

I don't know if it's an age thing, or just how some folks are dragged up, but a cleaner recently told me that despite there being more mess in the Ladies' (particularly used loo roll dropped on the floor of cubicles - eek) the soap dispenser there needed refilling far less than the Gents'.
When I started work, a fastidious, single male friend used to note how long women spent in the loo - if they were too quick, he assumed they hadn't washed their hands, those that took their time, were all the more attractive to him.

What a weird little creep.
I find men who don’t monitor their female colleges toilet time more attractive, and I doubt I’m in the minority.

My ex used to leave skid marks in the loo. First few times I said ‘please go clean it’ he did. Eventually he started to argue, ‘shit is meant to go in the toilet’ and other gross excuses. Honestly I don’t think I could ever live with a man again…

My partner sometimes leaves marks, but he is actually blind, so I can excuse that - it's part of the package. He sometimes misses the bowl when he pees, too. Otherwise, I am of the leave it as you wish to find it school.

I'll be honest, these threads confuse me. How do you expect someone to clean the loo given that loo brushes are also apparently disgusting by MN standards? I've read threads here where women have actually admitted they would submerge their hands into the toilet water and remove marks with loo roll instead of leaving them...to me that is insane.

Life is life. We all shit. In our house I would expect the perpetrator to at least chuck some bleach down and do a double flush but other than that I'm not sure i could get worked up over it. If we had visitors I would insist on a bit more bathroom decorum but day to day. Meh.

No! Disgusting.

We have young adult sons and I can assure you they don’t leave skid marks when E they’re home.

They do go through an inordinate amount of bleach though!

Although in most cases, I would presume it is a case of being ignorant and not checking the state of the toilet, some men are really arrogant and just presume that the women in their lives will clean up after them, as part of a wider pattern of disrespectful behaviour.

However, I recall a poster a while back who worked in a rented self contained office space where they offered some kind of counselling or similar service and their office had their own toilet. One father would drop their child off and then proceed to use and completely stink out their toilet, taking a paper and having eaten egg sandwiches and other foul food. It seemed like some deliberate power play, as there were other toilets in the building available to the public. The OP eventually realised it was a deliberate thing with the stinkbadger marking the space like some oversized skunk and with the help of the other employees locked and blocked access which appeared to annoy the stinker. So, I reckon there are some guys that perhaps do it on purpose.

A guy I'd been on a few dates with used the loo when he was picking me up. I went in after for something and he'd pissed all over the seat and left it.

Awkward evening. I ghosted him after that.

My original post was in answer to someone asking how people managed without toilet brushes.

Not normal. BUT… if the man’s partner isn’t making sure he gets with the cleaning-up-after-himself process, then it’s kind of self-inflicted!
If not taught by parents at the toilet-training stage, then a grown adult should be made to understand that if they mess the loo, they clean the poo!

My DH and DS's when they lived at home cleaned up after themselves. I've also sometimes popped into visit my DS who lives a few miles away and his toilet has always been clean.