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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave DC (12) in charge for an hour?

66 replies

Jessforless · 28/09/2023 11:27

DH says absolutely not. We have long awaited theatre tickets tonight and I would have to leave home at 6 to get there. (He’s already local today.)

A relative coming to sit with them for the evening can’t get here now until 6.45 / 7. (A last minute change.)

it would be 12 year old, 10 year old and our dog. Thought I could say stay in the living room, don’t answer the door, literally don’t move from the sofa and have your phone in your hand, I could even be on the phone most of the time. (Relative has a key.)

I really selfishly don’t want to miss the show.. but this isn’t okay is it? DH said he will just go with someone from work.

OP posts:

Lamelie · 28/09/2023 11:30

I’d have left them at home for the evening at that age.
Assuming they’re NT, have phones and understand not to open the door.
what are his concerns?

Harella · 28/09/2023 11:31

Assuming the dc get on ok, and don’t bicker/fight constantly, I would be fine leaving them for an hour.

Freezingcoldinseptember · 28/09/2023 11:31

Why should dh get to go and you miss out?

Westfacing · 28/09/2023 11:31

Assuming they're usually sensible, as you wouldn't be contemplating it otherwise, I think they'll be fine for an hour.

Weatherwax134 · 28/09/2023 11:32

I agree with others, if I trusted them to get on and be safe then I'd be fine with it

Iwantitidontwantit · 28/09/2023 11:33

I would 100% leave them and not feel guilty for one minute!

boredwithfoodprob · 28/09/2023 11:33

I leave my 12 year old and 8 year old alone for short periods. I actually paid my 12 year old the other day as we were out for 2 hours at a school meeting - she read her brother a story and put him to bed for me. We were home by 8 and all was fine. She has a phone, was told not to answer the door and we were only a 10 minute drive away. They are both v sensible too - I guess it depends on the child.

Frabbits · 28/09/2023 11:33

Assuming they are relatively trustworthy, I think that would be fine. At that age I was walking home from school and letting myself in an hour or so before anyone else was home.

If you are being paranoid you can do as you say and stay on the phone with them until your relative turns up.

Convienient though that your DH isn't the one who would miss out.

Changethenamey · 28/09/2023 11:34

I would be totally ok with this, your DH is being weird.

AlanJohnsonsBeemer · 28/09/2023 11:34

I would be fine with this if they are sensible and get on OK and most importantly are both happy with the arrangement.

Original poster

Jessforless · 28/09/2023 11:35

It would just be the way it worked out. He is in the office today and wouldn’t have time to get here and me leave to go for example, he works round the corner from it.

Im loving these replies though that people aren’t horrified by this, I think I’m going to do it!

OP posts:

UndercoverCop · 28/09/2023 11:36

I was being paid to babysit at 13/14 so not much older, ah long as they get on fine and it's less than an hour I think it's probably ok, if they are ok with it. If not I wouldn't

Original poster

Jessforless · 28/09/2023 11:36

Oh they’re completely okay with it, they want me to leave them the whole evening.

OP posts:

NerrSnerr · 28/09/2023 11:40

I'll be honest, it sounds like your husband doesn't want to go with you.

The strict 'don't move from the sofa' is weird, at those ages I'd expect them to be used to being left alone for short periods.

PuttingDownRoots · 28/09/2023 11:41

I do this weekly for work... a 2.5hr period. They get their dinners (just hearing something up I've already prepared), make their lunches for the next day, have showers and watch TV. The rules are no going out and no visitors. On an emergency they can go next door to neighbour and phone me, their dad, their grandparents...

Original poster

Jessforless · 28/09/2023 11:44

It’s not that at all, DH is great, and I was exaggerating with don’t move from the sofa.

We’ve both worked from home / I’ve not worked their whole lives and live very close to both sets of parents and siblings so they just haven’t really had the opportunity to be alone so it’s not something we’ve built up trust with.

OP posts:

Coyoacan · 28/09/2023 11:45

At that age I was arriving home to an empty house, laying and lighting the fire and cooking the dinner. Times have changed and children are a lot less competent nowadays but still...

viques · 28/09/2023 11:46

I would say yes, on the proviso that they have a back up plan if anything happens to the sitter and they don’t turn up. Could be simple, go next door for example.

Enjoy the show.

HeadAgainstWall0923 · 28/09/2023 11:47

My oldest son is 9.5 but since he was 9 we’ve been leaving him home alone for periods of time, ranging from 10 minutes up to an hour and it’s been fine.

I leave my mobile number so he can call me if he gets worried about anything and depending on how long we will be away from him I will ring him 1-2 times just to check he’s okay.

Back when I was 11/12 years old I was left home alone during every school holiday from 8am-5pm and I was fine. I know things were different back then but I wouldn’t think twice about leaving a 10 year old and a 12 year old home alone for 45-60 minutes.

I won’t belittle your husband’s feelings as he obviously has his reasons for feeling so strongly about this, but I’m definitely on your side.

ActDottie · 28/09/2023 11:51

I’d have been fine at that age on my own. I think around 11 my parents started leaving me on my own a little bit.

Lengokengo · 28/09/2023 11:53

I did exactly this (kid aged 12 and 10) 2 weeks ago and it was fine. I was worried, but a girl in my daughters class (13) regularly babysits toddlers, so I thought this was a lot better!

The theatre went on much longer than I thought, so we were out from 645 till 1145, but all fine. They had phones, had been fed, knew not to answer the door or go out, and knew of a neighbour across the road who they could go to if any issues. All was fine!

listsandbudgets · 28/09/2023 11:54

@Coyoacan We used to lay and light the fire too, bring logs in from the shed, sort some food out, hang up the washing - it would probably be considered child endangerment these days!

OP they'll be fine for an hour or two

Gothambutnotahamster · 28/09/2023 11:59

Assuming they're sensible, I wouldn't hesitate to leave them at that age.

TheChosenTwo · 28/09/2023 12:00

An hour would be no problem, at 8/9 I was coming home from school on my own at 3:30 and waiting for my mum to get in at 6:30, didn’t answer the door or phone and just made myself something to eat and watched a lot of telly.
if they got on okay I wouldn’t have a problem with it. Your Dh is obviously not happy about it though, does he say why? If it’s just because they’ve never been left before then I would understand, we built up to things like this even though we didn’t ‘need’ to, I was always home with them at this sort of age (didn’t work and then when I did it was school hours term time only so was always just there), but I made sure I did a few little ‘jobs’ here and there, slowly building them up in time. Firstly just nipped next door and then to the shop at the end of the road and then to the supermarket, little steps. Maybe he’s just thinking that if this is the first time they’ve ever been left that there’s been no practicing of what to do if they run into a problem. But honestly, they’ll figure it out at that age!! Go and enjoy the show.

PinkRoses1245 · 28/09/2023 12:01

I think it’s fine to leave them all evening. But if DH disagrees, he can stay home - why should you miss it

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