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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave DC (12) in charge for an hour?

66 replies

Jessforless · 28/09/2023 11:27

DH says absolutely not. We have long awaited theatre tickets tonight and I would have to leave home at 6 to get there. (He’s already local today.)

A relative coming to sit with them for the evening can’t get here now until 6.45 / 7. (A last minute change.)

it would be 12 year old, 10 year old and our dog. Thought I could say stay in the living room, don’t answer the door, literally don’t move from the sofa and have your phone in your hand, I could even be on the phone most of the time. (Relative has a key.)

I really selfishly don’t want to miss the show.. but this isn’t okay is it? DH said he will just go with someone from work.

OP posts:
SomePig · 28/09/2023 12:04

Does anyone remember the Babysitters Club? They’re all 12-13 and regularly babysitting large groups of kids including babies. And there were some junior babysitters who were even younger. It’s a book but still I think reflected what actually happened pretty well. And no one had mobile phones in the 80s!

Original poster
Jessforless · 28/09/2023 12:05

I Loved the babysitters club, I wanted to be Dawn so badly 😅

OP posts:
awaitingroom · 28/09/2023 12:07

Yes I would, I often leave my 12 year old and 9'year old whilst I nip to the shop 10 mins but if I was you, I would, it will only be an hour

Gothambutnotahamster · 28/09/2023 12:09

SomePig · 28/09/2023 12:04

Does anyone remember the Babysitters Club? They’re all 12-13 and regularly babysitting large groups of kids including babies. And there were some junior babysitters who were even younger. It’s a book but still I think reflected what actually happened pretty well. And no one had mobile phones in the 80s!

True, I was babysitting strangers kids at 13, and that included a baby (who i think was about 12 months old).

isthesolution · 28/09/2023 12:09

Yes I left my 12 year old with her 8 year old brother for short periods.

Randomuser9876 · 28/09/2023 12:09

Depends on the kids but mine are that age and we've started to do similar.

As long as they have phones and you're reasonably contactable.

Walkingbythesea · 28/09/2023 12:11

Of course it is fine! At their ages tbh they shouldn’t need a babysitter for the evening. It is important to allow kids to have responsibility - it develops competency, self respect, and resilience.

ProbablyNotMad · 28/09/2023 12:14

My ND 12yo stays for hours on his own now. I will go out about 6pm and come home around 11.30 and he is quite happy to have an evening gaming or watching TV. He is a trustworthy sort and will put himself to bed at bedtime. Any questions he will give me a call, if an emergency he will call nearby family or friends.

At age 10 I was looking after my younger siblings (ages 3-8) all school holidays whilst my parents were at work. I think that was definitely too much responsibility for a child but all was fine.

Leaving your 12 and 10 year old children for an hour in an evening will be fine. If they are on their gadgets I doubt the children will even notice you are gone.

CurlewKate · 28/09/2023 12:16

I certainly would. And I probably wouldn't impose those rules either- although you might want to if it shuts your dp up.
My only slight concern would be the dog-is he a placid easy to manage dog and are they happy and confident with him?

dcsp · 28/09/2023 13:48

I seem to be very much in the minority here, but...

I would happily leave a 12yo to look after themselves. But I would definitely not leave a 12yo responsible for another child.

So it comes down to whether I'd be happy to leave a 10yo to look after themselves - I'm 50/50 on that.

FrenchandSaunders · 28/09/2023 13:51

12 year olds don’t need babysitters. Sounds fine.

saoirse31 · 28/09/2023 14:17

Left my then 11 year old in house on own one evening due to miscommunication bt me and his dad. Discovered an hour before i had to leave. He was fine, he had phone, there were neighbours he could go to right next door etc. In some ways easier maybe with one child but its only for 45 mins, if you're happy they'll get along i wouldn't over worry.

SirSidneyRuffDiamond · 28/09/2023 14:22

As long as your relative/babysitter is absolutely dependable then it is fine. In fact I suspect it would be fine without a babysitter but given your children would be expecting one to arrive it could cause anxiety if they then did not do so IYSWIM?

Regholdsworthswaterbed · 28/09/2023 14:28

Absolutely fine

crumblingschools · 28/09/2023 14:33

How are they with the dog?

Original poster
Jessforless · 28/09/2023 15:40

They’re fine with the dog, only thing is the recall from the garden isn’t great and I wouldn’t want them to stress so I’ll let the dog out before I go and that will be fine for an hour.

OP posts:
JMSA · 28/09/2023 15:50

It's totally fine.

Chickenkeev · 28/09/2023 15:57

Jessforless · 28/09/2023 11:35

It would just be the way it worked out. He is in the office today and wouldn’t have time to get here and me leave to go for example, he works round the corner from it.

Im loving these replies though that people aren’t horrified by this, I think I’m going to do it!

For the sake of an hour it's fine (as long as they are drilled what to do in an emergency). Remind DH it's important to slowly introduce them to independence. It will do them no favours whatsoever to be wrapped up in cotton wool and then get turfed out into the real world with no life skills.

Meeziemee · 28/09/2023 19:21

Depending on the maturity levels of the 12 year old, it could be fine.

Lavender14 · 28/09/2023 19:24

I think it depends on the children, at that age I'd have been scared to be on my own. There was one time when I was about 14 that I was home alone in the evening and someone ran round our house (in the countryside) banging on the windows. Never found out who it was but it scared the shit out of me even though I knew not to open the door etc. So that probably puts me off leaving kids till they're older but as I say it depends on your children and how confident and sensible they are.

Sweetnessoflife · 28/09/2023 19:26

Do you have a neighbour on call just in case, our neighbour used to pop over to let them know he was on hand

Josell12345 · 28/09/2023 19:28

Only issue is if something did happen-like the 12 yr old making a cup of tea and spilling hot water on herself, what would they do? Everyone is ok until an accident happens and unless they could deal without panicing- maybe get a neighbour in, then theres always a possibility of a problem. Im a foster carer and theres no way we would be able to leave fc in house alone at that age but I fully understand it depends on the child. However shit does happen, how would rhat be managed? Sorry but I have safeguarding drilled into my brain all the time. My own grandchildren live locally and I know if they were left they have a few back up plans which are me, their aunty and a close friend who all live close by.

Josell12345 · 28/09/2023 19:31

I get this. My grand daughter is 13 and her mam has left her at various times over the last yr. Introduce her sister, now 11- now if they were both left they would end up fighting so its a no no.

Josell12345 · 28/09/2023 19:34

Until something goes wrong and you have the authorities accusing you of child neglect! And it does happen. I know we have to take some risks but they need careful thinking. Anyo e can have an accident but a pre teen would raise questions

Sylvaniandream · 28/09/2023 21:57

My almost 10 Yr old stays home for short spells, for example if I need to give one of the other kids a lift somewhere, or if I need to leave for something a bit before DH gets home. I started leaving him with the then 12 Yr old when he was 8. Just a few rules, such as no going on the trampoline while I'm gone! We know both sides of neighbours well enough that the kids would have no problem knocking if necessary, and I know the neighbours would be kind.