To leave DC (12) in charge for an hour?

[Jessforless]

DH says absolutely not. We have long awaited theatre tickets tonight and I would have to leave home at 6 to get there. (He’s already local today.)

A relative coming to sit with them for the evening can’t get here now until 6.45 / 7. (A last minute change.)

it would be 12 year old, 10 year old and our dog. Thought I could say stay in the living room, don’t answer the door, literally don’t move from the sofa and have your phone in your hand, I could even be on the phone most of the time. (Relative has a key.)

I really selfishly don’t want to miss the show.. but this isn’t okay is it? DH said he will just go with someone from work.

They wouldn't be allowed off the sofa even to the toilet?

I would absolutely have done this without a doubt when mine were that age! Especially if it's only a short amount of time.

I have a 12 and 9 and I have left them at home for short periods. One hour is fine.

I'd be fine with this.

I don't see why not if you know she is sensible,. My parents left my brother and me at home for an evening while they went for a meal, when we were 12 (DB) and 10 (myself). But we'd been left unaccompanied for half an hour or so since we were about eight and six, while Mum went to the shops. We had some laughs, but never got into any bother. This was pretty usual at the time, forty odd years ago.

My 10 & 12 yo are fine together for about an hour and a half. 12 yo alone is fine for hours. He's done 3 hours this evening because to him, that's far preferable to traipsing around a random, busy, noisy secondary school that he's never going to. His boundary is that he has no interest in providing a meal for himself (ASD) so he's always either fed or clearly between meal times which is our natural limit on leaving him.

The time has built up gradually from 5 mins and stretched out.
The 10yo walks to school with friends (y6) and walks himself home and has a short wait until the secondary run is complete. He has access to the landline to talk if needed. Both children have been well-drilled in emergency situations since Beavers. They get more coached about it than adults!

Independence is best built up gradually in line with the child's readiness. I wouldn't leave them for the whole evening yet, but as it builds up, that's not so far away into the future. My 10yo has a better range of survival skills, but having company is more important to him. They're quite a complimentary pair, plus they bicker less when there's no parent to play up to.

I used to be left in charge of my 2 years younger sister. She was a bitch. Even my parents couldn't control her. How did they expect me to? It did a lot of damage to me mentally.
When I went out when my boys were teenagers we used to tell them they were in charge of their own behaviour (and jokingly tell the dog he was in charge ;))
I think it's totally unfair to put one child in charge of siblings, at any age

I've put YABU but I mean bu to even consider it being an issue. Go for it.

At that age I was picking my younger brother up from his after-school club on my way home from secondary school.

I think they need to start having opportunities to learn independence.

There's a difference between being independent and taking responsibility for the behaviour of another.

Your DH is being mental. Of course they'd be fine!

Yes it's fine. I leave my 12&8 yo for an hour or so on occasion. As long as they are sensible and can contact you then I would definitely do it.

All these people 'what if something goes wrong?!' Just leave your mobile number with them and keep checking your phone during that hour.
I leave my 8yo whilst I drive to work sometimes. (I take my 5yo with me, altho my 8yo is sensible my 5yo has asd and can be a lot to handle so I wouldn't leave my 8yo in charge of her)
He has my mobile number written on a piece of paper he holds and I've been thru with him step by step all different scenarios and what to do in them etc how to dial 999 and what situations he would do that in. How to open the front door and leave in event of a fire, which windows to go to to climb out if if he's trapped upstairs in a fire, which neighbours he could knock on the door of. I've gone over fire and kitchen safety. I've gone over scenarios around people knocking at the door.
My son would be ready for the apocalypse honestly.
But nowt has ever actually gone wrong during the odd 40 mins he's been left when I drive to work
He's never expressed any concern either. He just watches a film or plays with his switch.

If this isn't something you're used to doing, then at least from this thread you've discovered that's extremely unusual, and that kids actually need to be left at these ages so that you can step it up gradually so that they aren't the only kids who can't walk to school on their own come secondary. 45 mins is a good place to start.

And I know you've dismissed it as nothing, but it is bang out of order (unless there's a good reason you haven't detailed) that your husband was the one saying no but he was volunteering you to do it!

This.

If you'd leave the 10yo on their own, then it's fine to leave the two of them.

If you wouldn't leave the 10yo it's not fair or responsible to leave the 12yo in charge of them.

I was minding babies for my mum at 8. At 12 I was babysitting for cash. I’d not have thought twice about this.