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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Need mum to look after kids while I deliver baby

66 replies

Hijabimama · 28/09/2023 09:26

Yesterday was my due date and the plan is for my mum to come down as soon as I have a feeling that labour has started (mum lives around 1hr20min away). I have 2 little boys and she will basically stay with them while me and Dh go
hospital.

Dm is a foster carer too and has a meeting tomorrow for one of her foster child.

yeaterday she commented how she’s been praying that I go overdue (which I have now) so she can tend to her meeting which I feel quite uncomfortable and sad about as I really didn’t want to be overdue and have been hoping to have baby on time/slightly before.

My Df would be present for the meeting and worse comes to worse she could join in from zoom.

Aibu to feel that’s abit selfish and your daughter giving birth is far more important than a meeting that my Df could happily be sat in alone…?

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 28/09/2023 09:30

Clearly the fact that she had been hoping you went a little bit overdue means that she would have prioritised you over the meeting. But it’s not unreasonable of her to have hoped she could do both. People are allowed to have their own concerns too.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 28/09/2023 09:30

YAB a bit U.

She is coming to help you regardless, but she would like to be able to attend an important meeting if possible. There is nothing really wrong with her hoping that you'll go a few days overdue, it's perfectly within the range of what's normal.

But of course, now is going to be a difficult time for you so, understandably, you're probably anxious and a bit oversensitive.

Let it go. Your mum is going to help you when you need it, and that's what matters. Forget the rest. I hope that it all goes well for you.

GeorgeBeckett · 28/09/2023 09:39

You're sort of allowed to be unreasonable at this stage of pregnancy so not going to be too harsh but for the record you are being unreasonable and this is a non-issue!

She would have liked to be able to both support you and attend the meeting. But she would have dropped the meeting. Nothing she has done has materially altered your situation. A few extra days of pregnancy may well feel like hell for you but to be honest nobody else is going to feel strongly about it.

BendingSpoons · 28/09/2023 09:45

I think YABU. It's not like by hoping that it would actually change when you went into labour. It worked better for her if you were overdue and she only told you once you were. Understandably it worked better for you to have given birth already, and you are probably feeling uncomfortable and grumpy, which is affecting your response to this.

HeddaGarbled · 28/09/2023 09:45

No, not selfish at all. She sounds like an absolute star of a mum and person.

vapesareforsnakes · 28/09/2023 09:46

Your mum sounds amazing in all honesty.

PerfectMatch · 28/09/2023 09:49

As a pp says, YABU but it's natural to be a bit sensitive at this stage in your pregnancy! Good luck with the birth.

MsPloddingBottom · 28/09/2023 09:51

YABU

She hopes you're overdue, a normal thing, so that she can get to do both. She's not the birth goddess, it doesn't actually mean it will happen.

She's still going to help you, you're lucky to have her around to look after your LOs

TidyDancer · 28/09/2023 09:52

I think she sounds great tbh.

Surely if you were in a pinch your DH would look after the DCs?

I think you're looking for problems where none exist.

BigBoysDontCry · 28/09/2023 09:54

Agree with everyone, also, your mum hoping to do both didn't cause you to be overdue. Remember it's not her fault.

Hope all goes well.

wellandtruly · 28/09/2023 09:55

YABU. Your mum should be prioritising her foster child. Going overdue means she can help you and the foster child as well - she sounds amazing.

TomatoSandwiches · 28/09/2023 09:56

Your mother sounds like a lovely caring woman.
I understand you are uncomfortable and it's probably not what you want to hear but you need to grow up a bit and appreciate she is going to come and look after your boys when it happens.

MatthewsMumFromTikTok · 28/09/2023 09:56

You sound jealous

Yabu

SpaceChocolatel · 28/09/2023 09:56

YABU she sounds like she's trying to do her best to support both you and her foster child.

I get that you're feeling a bit anxious though waiting for baby.

Thing is, you can't fully predict what will happen. Theres a chance she wouldn't get there in time even if she came at first twinge. Many second time mums I know (me included) did have to go it alone as things move very fast and dad needs to look after existing children. It's all about you and baby now, sounds like everyone else will do their best to support you, but all you can focus on is you.You've got this.

Fiddlerdragon · 28/09/2023 09:57

Yabu. It sounds like she’s burning the candle at both ends here. She’s prioritised you when she’s up to her eyeballs, and you’re complaining about a throwaway comment about how much easier it would be for her if you were overdue so she can fulfil all her other commitments. My response would be ‘I know you’ve got a lot on mum, and I’m really grateful for you coming to help’. Not going online and making threads bitching about her. She sounds amazing and you’re lucky to have her

MariaVT65 · 28/09/2023 09:57

Either way I would recommend you arrange someone else to be on standby to look after your DC just in case of an emergency and you need to go to hospital quicker than she can get to you.

But i think YAB a bit U as your mum clearly has a lot on as well.

Blueey · 28/09/2023 09:59

OP have your parents always fostered (as in across your childhood) or is it since you became an adult/moved out?

MoonShinesBright · 28/09/2023 10:10

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

TomatoSandwiches · 28/09/2023 10:15

I think in your shoes I would request for this to be taken down op.
Good luck with your impending delivery.

Jellycatspyjamas · 28/09/2023 10:15

It’s important for her to be at meetings relating to her foster child, it’s part of her job and there may be important things to discuss that you (rightly) aren’t aware of. Happily she can do both, so you are being unreasonable.

Chickpea17 · 28/09/2023 10:16

Your mum sounds amazing in all honesty.

ActDottie · 28/09/2023 10:19

You’re overthinking this!! You’re not even in early labour yet. She’s doing you a favour anyway.

Goodornot · 28/09/2023 10:23

You don't need her to look after your kids, you want her to. Your husband could stay at home with them and rush over after the meeting.

She has vulnerable children in her care who need her and she sounds amazing.

Mariposista · 28/09/2023 10:24

So your mum cares for a troubled little child who is unloved and in the system, and hopes that circumstances will align so she can attend to both sets of needs, yet you are thinking 100% about yourself.

fitzwilliamdarcy · 28/09/2023 10:32

I don’t think your mum has said that her meeting is more important than you giving birth, she’s just relieved that she can honour both her commitments. I get that you’d rather not be overdue but that’s a separate issue - she didn’t cause that to happen by wanting to attend her meeting.

I think it’s important to keep in mind that your children are your #1 priority, not your mum’s. She has her own commitments which don’t cease because of your family choices.

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