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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Need mum to look after kids while I deliver baby

66 replies

Hijabimama · 28/09/2023 09:26

Yesterday was my due date and the plan is for my mum to come down as soon as I have a feeling that labour has started (mum lives around 1hr20min away). I have 2 little boys and she will basically stay with them while me and Dh go
hospital.

Dm is a foster carer too and has a meeting tomorrow for one of her foster child.

yeaterday she commented how she’s been praying that I go overdue (which I have now) so she can tend to her meeting which I feel quite uncomfortable and sad about as I really didn’t want to be overdue and have been hoping to have baby on time/slightly before.

My Df would be present for the meeting and worse comes to worse she could join in from zoom.

Aibu to feel that’s abit selfish and your daughter giving birth is far more important than a meeting that my Df could happily be sat in alone…?

OP posts:
TiredMamOfTwo · 28/09/2023 13:41

What about your mums needs? You sound really selfish.

VickyEadieofThigh · 28/09/2023 13:44

"Selfish". Oh, mate!

thelonemommabear · 28/09/2023 13:47

Sorry you sound a bit entitled and selfish

This isn't your first baby or even your second. It's your third

Your mum has very real responsibilities to children more vulnerable than you or yours. Where are your PIL? Can't they help?

FWIW I had to give birth to my twins alone due to lockdown and bubbles and having a child at home. It is what it is

KnitWittedNan · 28/09/2023 13:50

Poppy297 · 28/09/2023 13:15

Clearly I am in the minority because I can see your point OP

Heavily pregnant, uncomfortable and in pain the last thing you want to hear os someone pleased that you haven't given birth yet because its easier for them! Being heavily pregnant is one of the few occasions where you should absolutely be the priority. I'm sure under normal circumstances you might have a more rational view that your Mums trying to juggle different things but today is not that day!

Don't worry about it. Try and get comfy and good luck for the birth xxx

Am more rational view..

Also known as a less unreasonable view.

So op is BU 🤷‍♀️

CharlotteBog · 28/09/2023 14:06

It would be very unusual to have a birth partner be on stand by for the full month that counts as 'on time'; they have their own responsibilities and interests. I think they can agree to not be on holiday or suddenly decide to sell the car, or commit to other caring roles, but they can't postpone everything just in case.

It would be unwise to rely entirely on one person (in this case your Mum).
I guess your Mum could have kept her wishes to herself, but I'm sure she didn't mean to imply that you are not as important as the foster child meeting.

I have 3 sisters and we have all birthed and been birthing partners for each other. It's always been on the understanding that we absolutely want to be there and will do what we can, but that we also all have our own children and other responsibilities and that they should make sure they have backup.

Sunshinenrain · 28/09/2023 14:09

Goodornot · 28/09/2023 10:23

You don't need her to look after your kids, you want her to. Your husband could stay at home with them and rush over after the meeting.

She has vulnerable children in her care who need her and she sounds amazing.

Exactly!

She has her own life that doesn’t revolve around you.

You should be grateful that she’s planning to travel all that way so your DH can join you in your labour.

fuckssaaaaake · 28/09/2023 23:12

Weird she didn't come back

Thewizardbinbag · 28/09/2023 23:16

Your mum has said and done nothing wrong. You sound very self absorbed.

She was obviously going to prioritise you and miss the meeting, but if she doesn’t have to miss the meeting then that’s obviously better for her. She has other responsibilities and she is 100% allowed to continue caring about them despite you being pregnant.

LizzieW1969 · 29/09/2023 00:16

I agree with PPs that the OP is BU. I also don’t think she’s coming back to the thread.

neilyoungismyhero · 29/09/2023 00:27

She's probably busy having her baby!

kittenseverywhere · 29/09/2023 00:34

I can understand how this causes you some anxiety but your mother has other commitments and demands in her life too. I'm sure if it came to the crunch they'd work something out, but there is nothing wrong with her hoping she can do this meeting then come to you. She's just hoping everything lines up best for her commitments.

Teder · 29/09/2023 01:06

Sounds like your mum is trying to selflessly balance the conflicting needs of others. Appreciate in the latter stages of pregnancy, you’re worried but try to be kind to her as well. Wishing something doesn’t mean she wouldn’t come through and help you! She sounds like a great woman and you should be proud of her.
Really hope it all goes smoothly with Labour and delivery for you. Fingers crossed!

Poppysmom22 · 29/09/2023 05:56

YABU sorry but you are you do realise that those kids are in your mum's care because literally everyone else in their life is totally useless. You have a husband a mother and a father. Those kids have literally noone, grow up a bit and stop thinking about yourself. Mum also fosters and those kids come first because that's what you sign up for and as adults we understand that's what they need from her as noone else has ever put them first.

GalileoHumpkins · 29/09/2023 06:03

KookyAndSpooky · 28/09/2023 11:21

I think a lot of people are looking at this from a non-religious person's perspective. OP is probably religious like her DM and is upset that her god may have listened to her DM's prayers or that her DM truly believed she could change the course of OP's pregnancy through prayer.

I'm not religious but I can see that if you believe in a god then this could be upsetting. It's as if the DM is trying to take an action that is against OP's prayers.

Wut?

Zezet · 29/09/2023 06:36

YABU and I don't understand the idea that "you should be allowed to as you're so pregnant". Yes, you are more likely to feel vulnerable and emotional, that still wouldn't make it right for you to act on it.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 29/09/2023 07:05

Poppy297 · 28/09/2023 13:15

Clearly I am in the minority because I can see your point OP

Heavily pregnant, uncomfortable and in pain the last thing you want to hear os someone pleased that you haven't given birth yet because its easier for them! Being heavily pregnant is one of the few occasions where you should absolutely be the priority. I'm sure under normal circumstances you might have a more rational view that your Mums trying to juggle different things but today is not that day!

Don't worry about it. Try and get comfy and good luck for the birth xxx

Not when there's a vulnerable child's welfare to consider.

The OP's children have two loving parents available at a moment (and babysitters can be found for when one is unavailable temporarily), that Foster child doesn't.

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