Need mum to look after kids while I deliver baby

[Hijabimama]

Yesterday was my due date and the plan is for my mum to come down as soon as I have a feeling that labour has started (mum lives around 1hr20min away). I have 2 little boys and she will basically stay with them while me and Dh go
hospital.

Dm is a foster carer too and has a meeting tomorrow for one of her foster child.

yeaterday she commented how she’s been praying that I go overdue (which I have now) so she can tend to her meeting which I feel quite uncomfortable and sad about as I really didn’t want to be overdue and have been hoping to have baby on time/slightly before.

My Df would be present for the meeting and worse comes to worse she could join in from zoom.

Aibu to feel that’s abit selfish and your daughter giving birth is far more important than a meeting that my Df could happily be sat in alone…?

She didn’t say she doesn’t care about your birth . She’s hoping you go overdue so she can attend a meeting which is very important to her . I’m assuming if you go in labour tomorrow, she won’t go to the meeting . She’s not selfish at all . I think you are feeling insecure .

She didn’t say she wouldn’t help, it just worked better for her if you were a little overdue.

YABU

Reframe it- if your kid was in a position to need a foster parent, wouldn't you want them to be with a foster parent who took the responsibility so seriously and cared so deeply?

She's hardly hoping you'll go overdue because she's booked a hair appointment or a spa day....she obviously does a lot for other people and is trying to do her best for everyone. She's going to help you so don't overthink it.

Your husband can look after his own children

This is a reverse surely?

'My ADULT daughter is having her 3rd child. I have foster children and an important meeting to attend. I'm happy to help my daughter, but need to travel 1hr 20 to get there, and having to juggle my own life/family around to do this'

Aibu to feel that’s abit selfish and your daughter giving birth is far more important than a meeting that my Df could happily be sat in alone…?

AIBU to think doing me a favour takes priority over a commitment my mum has in her own life. Yes you are being unbelievably unreasonable

Getting upset that your mum was secretly hoping you'd go overdue (something that no one has control over) so she could carry out her own commitments and help you out, makes you the selfish one here

I think a lot of people are looking at this from a non-religious person's perspective. OP is probably religious like her DM and is upset that her god may have listened to her DM's prayers or that her DM truly believed she could change the course of OP's pregnancy through prayer.

I'm not religious but I can see that if you believe in a god then this could be upsetting. It's as if the DM is trying to take an action that is against OP's prayers.

A reverse?

Unless you asked her permission to go ahead and have another baby because you wanted her around for childcare, then no she's not being selfish for wanting to continue her life outside of your demands. She hasn't done anything wrong.

Your bloke could stay at home and look after existing kids.

Yea , right .

Why do people pray to deities if they don't believe that their prayers could come true? I'm just saying that to OP, it could seem like more than a hope.

I think that neither of you are unreasonable here.

She's not unreasonable to want to do both.
You're not unreasonable to not want to go overdue.

She sounds lovely- willing to help you out, and being a foster carer.

Worst come to the worst, your DH can stay with the children until she’s able to get to you. Even if he drops you to the hospital with the boys in tow. He doesn’t absolutely have to be there.

And her hoping something won’t make it happen!

Your DM is hoping she can do both things. This doesn't make her selfish. She is trying to juggle two competing sets of priorities.

YABU op, sorry

Your mum sounds very supportive. She lives far away and has told you she will help with your dc when the time comes. She also has a life of her own and wants to be able to attend the meeting.

It's not really up to you to decide the meeting isn't important or that she shouldn't want to attend it. It doesn't matter that she was hoping for you to go overdue, because in reality that has no bearing on what will actually happen

I think that you're heavily pregnant, lots of things are currently out of your control, you're uncomfortable and stressed out. You are, of course wanting your mum to prioritise you, and if it came to a choice, you would be her first and only choice. However, as you've gone overdue, she can do both, and that's a good thing for both of you.

You're being ridiculous. Obviously the best case scenario is that she is able to do both.

How can this be your 3rd child and you still expect the baby to "come on time" anyway??

Clearly I am in the minority because I can see your point OP

Heavily pregnant, uncomfortable and in pain the last thing you want to hear os someone pleased that you haven't given birth yet because its easier for them! Being heavily pregnant is one of the few occasions where you should absolutely be the priority. I'm sure under normal circumstances you might have a more rational view that your Mums trying to juggle different things but today is not that day!

Don't worry about it. Try and get comfy and good luck for the birth xxx

Why can't DH's parents help?

Obviously you are the priority, because your mum is saying if you go into labour she’ll have to miss the meeting. But ideal world she’d like to be able to do both - totally fair enough! And it’s not like she can actually make you go overdue, the baby will come when it decides its time!! I think this is one of those irrational late pregnancy things.

You’re overthinking this massively.

She isn't unreadable. She would have been there for you whatever. But she would have liked to have been at the meeting too. That's all she meant. This is your hormones speaking. Good luck. Not much longer now. X

I'm sorry OP but I agree with majority so far. Your Mother is clearly going to put you first when it comes down to it, but she has responsibilities to a vulnerable child in Foster Care too and is hoping to manage to do both. She sounds amazing - and a very busy lady too

I understand how fed up you are at this stage of your pregnancy - my children were 7 days and 10/11 days late, but YAB a bit U I'm so sorry to say.

But, having said that, if your Mum lives an hour and 20 minutes drive away from you and this is your third child, delivery could be very quick. Do you have a contingency plan in place in case she can't get to you quickly enough? It could take her longer to get to you if she is in the middle of something when you get your first twinges. At least if the worst comes to the worst, your DH could drop you at the hospital with your other DC in the car and wait until your Mum arrives if there aren't any other neighbours/friends who could watch the children until your Mum can get there?

I feel a bit sorry for your mum. I wonder who puts her needs first?