To not take on my mums cat?

[CatLoverButNotOwner]

Mum went abroad for 3 months earlier this year. She didn’t need to go, it wasn’t for work or anything she just wanted to go.

At home she left 2 cats.

One is very laid back, spends most of the day sleeping and you can literally step on him and he’ll just sit there obviously I’m not advocating doing that but if it happens accidentally he literally just lies there looking at you as if to say “You’ll have to move not me”

The other is very younger and very very shy but loved my mum before she went, mum would talk about them sharing a bed or her handing feeding this cat.

I looked after the cats while she was away. Visiting twice a day.

For the first 4 weeks I didn’t see the younger cat at all. I knew she was okish as both food bowls where always empty and they had two litter trays with different kinds of litter in and the tray with younger cats preferred litter in was used – as was the other tray.

From about week 4/5 I’d see the younger cat in the corner of my eye, she’d run from under a bed or cabinet to another bed or cabinet, but as soon as I turned around she’d be gone.

By week 6 she was starting to come out but wouldn’t let me near her she’d watch me from under a cabinet or bed but disappear as soon as I got to close – which was fine, I was just pleased she was starting to accept me.

On week 9 the cat started to get closer to me but would still run and hide if I turned round a bit too quickly.

It was only in the very final weeks (week 12ish) did I actually get close enough to the cat for her to brush against me, but she still won’t let me actually touch her.

This was fine, all I cared about was her being fed and settled in her own home.

My DD has never seen the younger cat in person still just in pictures as the cat still hides when she’s there, which is also fine. She’d be with me for some visits and we’d only see older male cat.

Now to the issue.

My mums been home 4 weeks and younger cat is still hiding from her. She says she hears both cats at night but if she gets up to use the toilet she only sees the male.

The cats get on fine probably because the male cats basically horizontal.

She’s upset that younger cat hasn’t been to see her since she got home and is not considering rehoming her. She says that I should take the female cat as she obviously likes me and will settle with me.

But I don’t want to. I like cats, I’ve had my own cats before, but if I was going to take any of mums cats it’d be the older male because my DD likes him, played with him on her visits with me and he’s basically the type of cat I’ve had before. But I don’t really want a cat. I looked after hers so she could go abroad not because I want my own.

Mum says IABU though and I should just take her. I think she should give it longer given it took nearly the entire 3 months for said cat to come anywhere near me.

WIBU me or mum? Should I just take the cat and go through the whole process again in my home while also being a single parent to my DD?

I don't think anyone is blaming you for what you did. No one is suggesting you should have done more. Everyone here is agreeing that your mother thinking this is ok is what's unreasonable. You were asked by your mum to help by keeping her pets alive, you did. So please don't take it as you did anything wrong. I would have done the same.
No one would have expected you to drop your life and move into her house to be there more, it's not realistic for most people to be able to do that. Going over there twice a day for 12 weeks is a big commitment as it is.

It's sad that your mum expects loyalty and affection from the cats when she thinks it's OK to disappear for months at a time. Encourage her to rehome them but don't let her guilt you into taking one or both.

YANBU.
She went off for 3 months. The cat thought she had been abandoned. Now your Mum is back the cat will need a long time to learn to trust her again.
I know you did your best, but leaving a cat for three months with someone coming in twice a day is not enough. She should have found a housesitter or someone who was willing to let the cats move in with them for three months.

Two or three weeks with someone coming in a couple of times a day is ok, but longer than that, absolutely not.

Tell her no, she needs to give the cat more time to come around.

I mean the younger cat is generally ok isn't it? Hiding isn't ideal but it's not ill or anything? Does she only want a cat she can see and play with? It'll come round in time and once it's brave enough to approach she can work with it to play with it and hand feed it etc to get it braver.

Scandinavian country. Difficult to police but often neighbours reporting if they see someone is away abd know they have a pet. It’s an important start either way, it’s simply not allowed to treat cats like this.

This, completely. We have (far too many) cats and the longest we would ever have the "drop in on them" arrangement would be a week. When we went on honeymoon for 10 days, we put them in a cattery. For 12 weeks, I would have been looking at someone they could live with for that time.

Obviously you're not being unreasonable and you don't have to do anything you don't want to, but your mum really needs to put some work in to rebuild that relationship. We're away for a couple of days at the moment and I know ours are all going to be sulky/aloof when we get back and it's going to take a couple of days for them to come around.

Poor cat Yanbu I can’t believe your mum left them for three months :(

I just wonder who this 2% is who think you’re being unreasonable and why haha

I think you’ve had enough replies now berating your mother and about which there is nothing you can do.
What is done is done, you mustn’t take the cat as you can’t care for it and nor do you want to-perfectly fair enough.
l think as you seem kind the best thing to do is phone an animal charity-eg Cats Protection, Blue Cross etc and get the poor cat rehomed to someone who can put the time and care into rehabilitating him-good luck!

This is bonkers. Why would you take on a cat you don't want rather than the cat going to a home that does want it and where it will be loved and given lots of attention? Just say no.

but she just shrugged and said it was something she needed to do.

Great. Making her cat feel settled in her home is something else she needs to do now. It really is as simple as that

To have a cat or dog or other pet is a responsibility and if you are not 100% for it you should not do it. Regardless of where the pet's previous home is/was.

Your mother needs to find a way to refriend her kitten.
Seek ideas from a vet.
My idea would be to gradually get the kitten into a smaller space and then for your mother to go into that room and give the kitten food and attention regularly every hour or so.

Yes but I really don't think the mum can be bothered with this level of effort. Far easier to just get rid of the cat.
Reminds me of a friend who got two kittens. Found them annoying for just being cats and stopped bothering with them. In the end the cats ran away. I do hope they found loving homes.