To not take on my mums cat?

[CatLoverButNotOwner]

Mum went abroad for 3 months earlier this year. She didn’t need to go, it wasn’t for work or anything she just wanted to go.

At home she left 2 cats.

One is very laid back, spends most of the day sleeping and you can literally step on him and he’ll just sit there obviously I’m not advocating doing that but if it happens accidentally he literally just lies there looking at you as if to say “You’ll have to move not me”

The other is very younger and very very shy but loved my mum before she went, mum would talk about them sharing a bed or her handing feeding this cat.

I looked after the cats while she was away. Visiting twice a day.

For the first 4 weeks I didn’t see the younger cat at all. I knew she was okish as both food bowls where always empty and they had two litter trays with different kinds of litter in and the tray with younger cats preferred litter in was used – as was the other tray.

From about week 4/5 I’d see the younger cat in the corner of my eye, she’d run from under a bed or cabinet to another bed or cabinet, but as soon as I turned around she’d be gone.

By week 6 she was starting to come out but wouldn’t let me near her she’d watch me from under a cabinet or bed but disappear as soon as I got to close – which was fine, I was just pleased she was starting to accept me.

On week 9 the cat started to get closer to me but would still run and hide if I turned round a bit too quickly.

It was only in the very final weeks (week 12ish) did I actually get close enough to the cat for her to brush against me, but she still won’t let me actually touch her.

This was fine, all I cared about was her being fed and settled in her own home.

My DD has never seen the younger cat in person still just in pictures as the cat still hides when she’s there, which is also fine. She’d be with me for some visits and we’d only see older male cat.

Now to the issue.

My mums been home 4 weeks and younger cat is still hiding from her. She says she hears both cats at night but if she gets up to use the toilet she only sees the male.

The cats get on fine probably because the male cats basically horizontal.

She’s upset that younger cat hasn’t been to see her since she got home and is not considering rehoming her. She says that I should take the female cat as she obviously likes me and will settle with me.

But I don’t want to. I like cats, I’ve had my own cats before, but if I was going to take any of mums cats it’d be the older male because my DD likes him, played with him on her visits with me and he’s basically the type of cat I’ve had before. But I don’t really want a cat. I looked after hers so she could go abroad not because I want my own.

Mum says IABU though and I should just take her. I think she should give it longer given it took nearly the entire 3 months for said cat to come anywhere near me.

WIBU me or mum? Should I just take the cat and go through the whole process again in my home while also being a single parent to my DD?

Your mum should rehome the cst to someone who can look after it properly

Your mother is a bit of a dick tbh. Who does that for 3 bloody months? she'd be getting told that animals aren't something you can stick in a box and expect them to be grateful when you take them out again.

She shouldn't have animals at all. Poor buggers

They weren't well looked after. They were left alone for large chunks of time over a long period. You both sound utterly clueless

The only animal I'd be happy leaving somewhat is my snake and even then I'd fret because he's a bugger. Animals can get stuck places, they can have accidents, eat something they shouldn't . You don't leave them to just crack on with it. Especially when making no effort to lay eyes on them.

Don't let your mother foist her cat on you. It's her problem, not yours. She is being selfish and also mean to her cats.

Agree with this^

Poor cats! How can you leave animals you're supposed to love for 3 whole months, that's awful. An empty, quiet house with someone popping in twice a day is no way for them to live.

No criticism of you OP, but your mum is horrid. I'd be taking both of them off her and trying to make sure she didn't get any other pets!

Those cats were not well looked after! This is neglect. Cats, especially house cats, need love and affection and attention, they need to be played with and socialised. No wonder little cat is freaked out.

Yanbu for not wanting to take on this cat however I think it is very unreasonable to think that leaving food out is enough to suggest that this amounts to what a domestic cat needs. This isn't caring for a cat, it's feeding them.
A domestic cat needs more than just feeding. That's what you ask people to do when you are away for a few days like asking a neighbour to pop in to feed them. Not for 3 months though. That's totally unreasonable & it's unbelievable that your DM doesn't get that this cat will be totally traumatised by her actions.
She needs to not own cats or any pets because she sounds totally selfish & doesn't understand that they are living breathing creatures, the way that this cat is, is a reflection of her neglect & lack of forethought & basic care. Tell her to get a stuffed toy she might have more luck looking after that.

I'm not for one second suggesting it wasn't irresponsible or adaquate care. What I'm saying is I tried my best with what I was given and I mean I did my best.

It was a big tie, I couldn't just go away for half term with my DD or do very long days out over the summer as I had commitments. It was a huge tie and reminded me why I don't want another pet yet, especially the shy one. I will not be facilitating it again.

When I had my cats the max amount of time I went away for was 5 days, and even then I would panic and worry about them and come home early sometimes.

I have spoken to my mum about it, telling her she left for so long that they don't know who she is, but she just shrugged and said it was something she needed to do. It's a pattern yes, and I'm only just waking up to it. She's a gossip and will make up lies about you to anyone who will listen if she doesn't get her own way. So I am scared because my work relies on word of mouth

How utterly cruel and selfish of your mother to abandon her own cats for 3 months. They like companionship of other humans , not just food, water. Maybe for a weekend that's fine but not 12 weeks. I could never do that to mine. The cat must be traumatized. Maybe someone who truly loves her can rescue her and she'll be sociable again after a few weeks.

Personally, I’d take the cat. With time, it could be really beneficial for your daughter. But, you’ve no obligation whatsoever and absolutely no need to feel bad about it for a moment.

Poor little thing, what a rubbish start. Your mum shouldn’t keep animals. Could you look into rehoming? Don’t suppose your mother will bother.

YANBU. Sounds like your Mum has basically taken the huff because the cat isn't her friend anymore. I'm sure the cat will come round and maybe she should take shorter holidays in future.

These cats were clearly not well looked after. They had no company and no socialisation while your mum was away.

she doesn’t seem to take pet ownership seriously. You don’t have to take the cat if you do t want it but please try and influence your mum into taking better care of her pets.

this made me sad

You didn't want the cat, you didn't buy the cat, it's not your responsibility, and going in and feeding them, cleaning up after them for months on end was a big ask, now she's expecting you to take it on completely in your own home?! Absolutely not unreasonable to say no. It sounds as if the younger cat has gone slightly feral from a lack of presence in the house. She needs to give it more time to regain her trust, but equally if she's planning on more frequent long extended periods of leaving the cats alone, it's probably in the cats best interest to re-home them. They are domesticated, social animals, that crave that closeness from their care givers, and can easily turn wary if not getting regular companionship and human interaction. Sounds to me like she's almost blaming you for the cat turning feral, when in reality, she's the one that left them for months knowing you wouldn't be able to devote hours of time with them each day. If she wants to go away for an extended period again, maybe you should suggest she finds a cattery or house-sitter, so they are getting more constant interaction.

I treat the feral cats that live in our garden better than this. I'm out to see them and feed them and play with them morning noon and night. Cats need interaction, and lots of it. They need to play and it is no wonder the cat is scared of your mum. It is making sure it doesn't get attached again.

your mum is being horrible; to that poor cat your mum going away for such a long time meant the cat felt like it was being abandoned. Cats are funny like that even a weekend to them is a lifetime. its no good her thinking it should be like the other cat they are all different. we have housesat two cats for 7 years; the one cat is all over us the other in all that time have never made friends or hardly seen the other one. if your mum has not the patience and commitment she should not have this cat. I dont blame you for saying no it would not be an ideal cat for you either and to be honest you dont sound like you are mad keen on the idea of a cat either. i am not sure uprooting the cat will do it much favours but rehoming it has to be better than being in the situation it is in at the moment

Your mother is an incredibly selfish, irresponsible person. If her parenting was anything like her approach to pet ownership, she should be paying for OP's therapy sessions, not putting pressure on you to adopt her inconvenient, abandoned pets.

That said, I'd be tempted to nod my head and agree to caring for both cats next time she goes walkabout for 3 months. Then rehome them. On her return, tell her you accidentally left a window open one day and ... whoopsie, who knows where they might be now?

No-one should be forced to take an animal they don't want.

I cannot believe your mum left her cats alone for 3 months. Popping in is not adequate care. It sounds like she has reinforced the younger cats nervous behaviour by doing this. It would probably be in the cats best interest to be rehomed

Your mum is not a brilliant owner and the cat senses her impatience. No young cat should be left alone this amount of time , just like dogs and other animals they need to be socialised while young . I’ve had a rescue cat that only ever been picked up by me , my mum and my dad . She came to me pregnant at 6 months when I fostered covered in cigarette burn marks so you can imagine why the distrust in humans. She was a wonderful cat to the few she trusted , I just had to accept she was not very social . It never crossed my mind to rehome her , that’s absurd and it will leave e the poor car trusting humans even less

I assume you have made sure they're all neutered/spaded, get flea&worm treatments and vet visits, that you have provided a shelter for them and dig up a corner of your garden for them to toilet in?

I live next door to one of your type of "do gooders", and it's hugely unpleasant to be witnessing those sad animals and to be picking their diseased poop. Deal with the situation appropriately and then choose a better cause. Please.

No one is suggesting you did anything wroing OP. You did an admirable job going over there twice a day for three months.

I bet everyone knows that she is a nasty piece of work, don't worry about her gossip.

I feel so sorry for the poor cat. Not only was she abandoned for months but now she's very frightened and your mum reacts by wanting to rehome her.
If my cat was so distressed it would make me want to nurture her even more. Your mum doesn't seem to understand cats at all.
I think it's ridiculous to rehome a nervous cat but maybe it's best for the cat to find a sensitive and loving owner.

Mate. I live in France and have a huge garden. All the barn cats that are abandoned end up being cared for by Brits here.

If she's likely to be nasty offer up compromise to help her find a rescue to re-home the cat as it's nervous nature would suit a quieter household (like hers) than yours with child/visitors. If she's not looking to offload responsibility of both cats I bet if you take/homed shy cat for her she will replace it with a kitten.

It's unlikely to take 12wks for shy cat to come round as she'd be home all the time and it will recognise her scent/voice. Mum just has hump as expected them to be ecstatic to see her and lacks compassion to realise she essentially abandoned them for months causing trauma/stress. I'm surprised the cat is so skittish if she's had from a kitten and from sisters pet cat rather than a stray cat birth rescue.

Honestly though she seems selfish and manipulative so I hope you consider reducing/cutting contact, a mum shouldn't even consider spreading lies as punishment, you'd not do anything to hurt your daughter I'm sure.