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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

or just paranoid by thinking that this woman is being bitchy to me....

74 replies

squinny101 · 05/03/2008 15:43

There is a small group of mum's that i stand with outside the school who are quite cliquey with each other i.e. they all go to each other's houses etc. and socialise.
They are all very nice but there is one in particular who keeps making snidey comments to me. She has made comments about my age and the fact that I've been divorced (I'm 31) and has loved the fact that she got to socialise at a kids party with my ex-husband who I do not have a great relationship with.
She has also made commetns about the clothes my dd (2.5) wears in that some of them are quite expensive. I have made it clear to her that they are actually hand me downs from my much wealthier sister but feel like I have to justify it to her.
Today however, my other dd (8 mths) was sitting in her buggy and was staring at one of the other women. This woman turned round and said in front of me to one of the other woman. Look at her giving you a funny look just like her mother always looking you up and down to see what you are wearing.

Now this is something I never do and I feel like this was an unjustified comment. DO you think she is being bitchy or just jokey
I am quite low at the moment and really feel out of place at the playground at the best of times. I just moved away but its really made me dwell.

What do you think?!

OP posts:

swiftyknickers · 05/03/2008 15:46

what an awful woman-you poor love. no doubt she is insecure (is she ugly?!!) and feels threatened by you- just confront her next time she says anything or even take her to one side and ask her if you have done anything to upset her - kill her with kindness!!

if all else fails tell her to feck off!!
chin up x

JodieG1 · 05/03/2008 15:47

Sounds bitchy to me, I so can't be arsed with all that at the school gates. I'd just ignore her actually because she would annoy me.

mum2taylor · 05/03/2008 15:48

OMG, that was SO bitchy and it is obvious that she is extremely jealous of you! I think I would rather stand alone at the school gates than even make small talk with someone who is small minded enough to use an 8 month old to make catty comments through! Just laugh at her and hold your head up high...that will just get to her more!

beansmum · 05/03/2008 15:48

she is being bitchy. Maybe she'll move to Australia.

hecate · 05/03/2008 15:49

She is obviously jealous and feeling insecure. Not your problem though!

littlelapin · 05/03/2008 15:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

moondog · 05/03/2008 15:51

She sounds like a fucking lunatic.

WowOoo · 05/03/2008 15:51

What a jealous cow. If it's comments about clothes am sure. Ignore, rise above!

Desiderata · 05/03/2008 15:51

It seems a right queer thing to say to someone's face.

Chequers · 05/03/2008 15:52

Message withdrawn

Chequers · 05/03/2008 15:52

Message withdrawn

CrushWithEyeliner · 05/03/2008 15:53

She's a bitch darling! and she is pathetic to use a baby as the but of her pathetic "jokes". I am really sure she is also jealous of you..I would have to be v strong in my response but that is me. I would just say "how pathetic" and walk away the next time she says something like this...

what on earth did the other woman say when she did this?
oh i am so for you

PotPourri · 05/03/2008 15:53

Yesk, that is bitchy. Can;t see how it could be a joke either. Firstly, you need to stop justifying your clothes or age or anything else. In fact, that makes it worse - the lady doth protest too much.

And seriously, just ignore them. Just get engrossed with your two little darlings and ignore them. If they say something snidy just say - I don't think that is very nice to say that. If they say something to put themselves down, then just leave them to it adn don't bother commenting. They are not worth any of your energy.

You realise they are just jealous that you are young, well dressed, gorgeous kids and not frumpy and insecure like them! Keep it that way chick!

Sparkletastic · 05/03/2008 15:54

What a moo - you any good at curt put-downs Squinny?! If not we can suggest some I'm sure

Original poster

squinny101 · 05/03/2008 15:55

The thing that upsets me is I'm always really friendly and I never say anything or look anyone up and down in a horrible way. I'm quite new to the area and don't know anyone round here so am trying to 'fit in'. My dd 2.5 can be quite a handful and she always kind of stares at her if she's kicking off.

I feel really shit about it and wished that I had said something but don't really want to ostracise myself further.

OP posts:

DoodleToYou · 05/03/2008 15:56

Message withdrawn

Guitargirl · 05/03/2008 15:56

As he others have said, she is obvious jealous. And just plain horrible. If she can say something like that about a baby (no matter what her feelings are towards you) then she is clearly not worth giving the time of day. In your position I would just stay away from her and have nothing to do with her whatsoever - show her you don't want to engage in whatever problem she has with you. She's obviously an unhappy person - happy people who are comfortable with themselves do not make comments like that. Just leave her to her own misery. I have absolutely no patience with people who try to put others down to make themselves feel better.

Lizzzombie · 05/03/2008 15:57

Try to think of it in a positive light. She is obviously in awe of your sophisticated taste in clothes and feels like a total troll in front of you. Pity her. You have it, she doesnt.

Chequers · 05/03/2008 15:58

Message withdrawn

Iklboo · 05/03/2008 15:59

The other mums probably think she's a bitch as well but she keeps hanging round them thinking she's 'in'.
Trip her into a muddy puddle

LittleMissBliss · 05/03/2008 16:00

What an odd woman sounds like a toatal bitch. Why does she comment about your age? I think she must be insanely jealous.

bubblagirl · 05/03/2008 16:01

they are obviously thinking due to the expensive clothes your better off than them and feel insecure around you

only people who are threatened by others are bitchy about them

just keep going smile say hello and stand away from them

they sound so immature especially to comment on a baby looking at her they just feel your snobby for whatever reason but thats there problem

socialise else where outside of school gates and meet more genuine people who you dont need to explain yourself too keep smiling and being pleasant

its amazing how school gates can revert mums back into playground stupidity that we all left behind yrs ago

dont let there attitude bring you down further

find some toddler groups or coffee mornings and socialise with other mums who will be more genuine

and remember every child has a tantrum ignore there stares it has nno reflection on you as a mother you sound great

Original poster

squinny101 · 05/03/2008 16:03

I think she commented about my age because when I told her I was divorced she asked how old I was. Then she asked how old I was when I got married (I was 22).
I'm not proud of the fact that I have three children (one by my ex-husband, two by my partner). She keeps asking me what my surname is and what my son's surname is and what my dd's surnames are. I dont' see what it has to do with anyone.

OP posts:

swiftyknickers · 05/03/2008 16:04

oh tell her to feck off-horrid cow.

so you were young when you got married-tell her to get over it

CrushWithEyeliner · 05/03/2008 16:05

oh god don't grace her with a response - why is she so interested. I would tell her to fuck off personally.

may i ask again what the otehr lady did when she said it? did she look embarrassed?

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