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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

or just paranoid by thinking that this woman is being bitchy to me....

74 replies

squinny101 · 05/03/2008 15:43

There is a small group of mum's that i stand with outside the school who are quite cliquey with each other i.e. they all go to each other's houses etc. and socialise.
They are all very nice but there is one in particular who keeps making snidey comments to me. She has made comments about my age and the fact that I've been divorced (I'm 31) and has loved the fact that she got to socialise at a kids party with my ex-husband who I do not have a great relationship with.
She has also made commetns about the clothes my dd (2.5) wears in that some of them are quite expensive. I have made it clear to her that they are actually hand me downs from my much wealthier sister but feel like I have to justify it to her.
Today however, my other dd (8 mths) was sitting in her buggy and was staring at one of the other women. This woman turned round and said in front of me to one of the other woman. Look at her giving you a funny look just like her mother always looking you up and down to see what you are wearing.

Now this is something I never do and I feel like this was an unjustified comment. DO you think she is being bitchy or just jokey
I am quite low at the moment and really feel out of place at the playground at the best of times. I just moved away but its really made me dwell.

What do you think?!

OP posts:

slim22 · 05/03/2008 19:35

She a loony.
An eight months old randomly looking in her direction makes her feel insecure enough to make such a comment? She's a just a plain idiot and a mean insecure bitch. A bully.

If you can't face her, why don't you politely ask the other mums why they associate with someone who has so little respect for a baby to make such a mean comment?
Ask them if she has such a bad mouth around children too, because we certainly would not want your children around that, now would we?

Original poster

squinny101 · 05/03/2008 21:25

May have had inadvertant revenge. It seems my ds may have picked up nits at my nieces party. Let's not hope he spreads them throughout the class and into certain people's hair.

OP posts:

Wotz · 05/03/2008 21:31

"I think she commented about my age because when I told her I was divorced she asked how old I was. Then she asked how old I was when I got married" and so on

someone who asks all these questions sounds like a loon....

It's none of her business and she is being very rude

Stay away the others will soon come and chat to you.

hatrick · 05/03/2008 21:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

WestCountryLass · 05/03/2008 22:16

Sounds like the woman is threatened by you and your incredibly well turned out children!

UniversallyChallenged · 05/03/2008 23:05

people dont throw bricks at empty apple trees.

you must be laden to get nasty bricks like that thrown at you

take as a backhanded compliment and dont lower yourself to the silly moos standard. the other mums wont have been impressed with her im sure

Jackstini · 05/03/2008 23:15

Sounds like bitch troll from hell. YANBU
Next time she makes a comment look her straight in the eye and say "and that's your business because...???"
Hopefully she will get the message.
If not, you have given her one chance and she is not worth another!
Be proud that you are a nice person with 3 kids that love you

Original poster

squinny101 · 06/03/2008 16:11

I sent my mother up to the playground today as I was lying in bed getting more and more upset by it last night.
Think I will do some standing by myself tomorrow and see what happens.

OP posts:

Kimi · 06/03/2008 16:18

Don't speak to the coven of harpies.
Silly women with no life seem to love the school run its the only bit of life they get and they spend it trying to put down people who are better then them.

Peridot30 · 06/03/2008 16:20

I LOve the Quote from BLUESKYTHINKER

Next time just coo at your baby and say 'Look at the funny lady, she's a bit of a bitch' whilst smiling inanely!

Total classic!! I hate the playground at school.Most parents in the playground have grown up together and im quite shy. We only moved here when ds was due and the playground makes me so uneasy. I usually smile and say hi to most people but i wouldn't class any of them as friends.

ALMummy · 06/03/2008 16:25

Shes a twat. I would like to be able to give you a short sharp response but I too feel rather intimidated by the primary school gangs of Mums. Luckily not many of the Mums speak good English at DS's school so I am able to get away with just smiling and nodding and no bitching - not that I understand anyway. If in doubt busy yourself with your DC and then you dont have to speak to anyone - thats what I do.

theUrbanDryad · 06/03/2008 16:48

what a beeee-atch.

next time she starts in at you, say "Am i bovvered though?" a la Catherine Tate, then walk away sniggering.

ScruffyTeddy · 06/03/2008 17:12

Maybe she does really think you're giving her dirty looks and thats why she thinks its ok to be such a cow (I do think her comment was intentionally bitchy).

I was going to post something along the lines of what another poster said further down. I have one of those stern permanently angry faces (cant help that, im stuck with it!) and im also very shy so find eye contact hard when I dont know someone. Ive often been accused of throwing people dirty looks, and being stuck up (and I have nothing to be stuck up about im just pretty quiet in rl).

Maybe once you get to know some people she'll realise she was being a bit of an idiot.

UniversallyChallenged · 13/03/2008 21:15

Have you seen her since?

GirlySquare · 14/03/2008 06:54

I'm sorry she has really upset you, though it sounds like she is very jealous as you're a good person and popular.

She sounds like a typical bully, insecure and making herself feel better by putting someone else down. I'm always surprised when other mums/workmates are oblivious to the snidey comments.

Take care and I hope things get better soon.

monkeytrousers · 14/03/2008 07:30

Can younot just say, "Excuse me, what is your problem?"

And if she says anything all you have to say is "Er no, you don't know me and have no right to judge." and if all else fails, "Well at least I'm not a bitch" and ignore her.

Honestly, there are 'cliques' everywhere. If you don't fit in, it might be more of a compliment that you think, juding by this woman's obviouls low self esteem that she needs to put a stranger down. Try thinking of her as having 'problems' - she's the one demonstrating them, not you!

Original poster

squinny101 · 14/03/2008 16:15

I see her every day. I am just exceptionally nice to every one especially her so the next time she makes a bitchy comment to me she looks like an arse. Hope it works.

OP posts:

warthog · 14/03/2008 17:18

keep us posted.

her trying to bring you down doesn't reflect badly on you, but it makes her look awful.

tearinghairout · 14/03/2008 17:30

Squinny, I think being nice to everyone, including her, is the best way forward. If you make a bitchy comment it will sour the air for a long time afterwards. Also best to not let her know she's upset you. If all else fails, avoid her. I managed to avoid a painful show-off in my small group for years

narkymum · 14/03/2008 17:55

squinny your not by any chance........ thinner than her are you ???

Original poster

squinny101 · 14/03/2008 19:55

Not thinner no, but a lot shorter, she is quite a tall lady and seems to have a problem with it a bit i.e. she goes on that she can never wear heels etc. She also seemed shocked to hear that before I had kids I actually had a really good job at a massive company in the city. I think she thought because what I do now just fits around me being a mum - that's what I had always done. She sounded a little put out when I told her what I did before!

Have adapted an attitude like the penguins in Madagascar 'Just smile and wave'.

OP posts:

Yurtgirl · 14/03/2008 20:00

squinny - keep being exceptionally nice, it works and it will make her feel guilty about being horrid!

Hope things get better soon

poodlepusher · 14/03/2008 20:03

That is bitchy and she sounds horrible.

I had something similar recently when I was heavily pregnant and feeling vulnerable.

I decided to beam a big smile at my bitchy woman and say "I expect you're right" and then move onto someone else / some place else as soon as possible.

What can they do with that? You've given no satisfaction by showing you're affected by her hideous comments, and ended the conversation and moved on.

mehdismummy · 14/03/2008 20:15

never ever ever thought i would ever agree with monkeytrousers but she is right. Why do you wanna be in with that group anyway. My dad use to say there are sheep and shepherds in life.(sheep who follow each other and the group and shepherd who lead) You are obviously a shepherd so herd these silly sheep out of your mind. So fucking what about who has what surname is her surname jealous pathetic bitch? Do you want me to come on school run with you!

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