Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

or just paranoid by thinking that this woman is being bitchy to me....

74 replies

squinny101 · 05/03/2008 15:43

There is a small group of mum's that i stand with outside the school who are quite cliquey with each other i.e. they all go to each other's houses etc. and socialise.
They are all very nice but there is one in particular who keeps making snidey comments to me. She has made comments about my age and the fact that I've been divorced (I'm 31) and has loved the fact that she got to socialise at a kids party with my ex-husband who I do not have a great relationship with.
She has also made commetns about the clothes my dd (2.5) wears in that some of them are quite expensive. I have made it clear to her that they are actually hand me downs from my much wealthier sister but feel like I have to justify it to her.
Today however, my other dd (8 mths) was sitting in her buggy and was staring at one of the other women. This woman turned round and said in front of me to one of the other woman. Look at her giving you a funny look just like her mother always looking you up and down to see what you are wearing.

Now this is something I never do and I feel like this was an unjustified comment. DO you think she is being bitchy or just jokey
I am quite low at the moment and really feel out of place at the playground at the best of times. I just moved away but its really made me dwell.

What do you think?!

OP posts:

Blueskythinker · 05/03/2008 16:06

Next time just coo at your baby and say 'Look at the funny lady, she's a bit of a bitch' whilst smiling inanely!

Original poster

squinny101 · 05/03/2008 16:07

I don't know what she said, I kind of just moved away. The other ladies are really nice I don't understand why she is being quite so bitchy.
At first I thought I was misreading it now judging by these responses, I definately wasn't!

OP posts:

CrushWithEyeliner · 05/03/2008 16:09

anyone that thinks she is ok with that comment about a baby is not nice at all

PotPourri · 05/03/2008 16:09

That's none of her busienss. And she is only asking you those things so that she can sit high and mighty in her own small mind. She clearly is jealous though. Seriously. Just ignore. And find yourself some toddlers groups that you can meet mums locally in (or the mumsnet meetup is another option). Who cares what she thinks? I know it feels horrid, but just stop answering questions if she asks. Just say you'd rather not say - or get distracted by something DC is doing. Or better still, turn the conversation to her - how old is she, does she have a good relationship with the childs dad etc etc. In fact, go all out and ask her if she has ever thought about getting a makeover - sorry, being bitchy myself.

As you can see, best not to get into it. And don't let her upset you

bigbumhole · 05/03/2008 16:12

she sounds like a right bitch to me. hope you're ok

LittleMissBliss · 05/03/2008 16:14

It's really none of her business, its not as if its even a taboo these days to have been divorced and go on to have more chldren with a different partner. Infact quite common. (not saying your common )Some people eh. I wouldn't worry. Is she the ringleader of the group? The most outspoken one? The other may be quite nice when she's not about. Do you get to talk to them?

Mouselady · 05/03/2008 16:15

Whaddayoumean you're not proud of the fact that you have three children?!? No way let this woman intimidate you into making statements like that even on here. She doesn't pay your rent/mortgage, she is but an amoeba in your life.
I HATE all this playground clique. Just can't do it.
Develop yourself a 'funny laugh' that somehow implies you think they're very strange. Accompany it by statements such as "[funny laugh] how strange that you think that" or "[funny laugh] you're very interested aren't you"

Miggsie · 05/03/2008 16:16

Oh stare her straight in the eye and say "do you really think I am interested in anything you have to say?"

Works for me...

Mind you she is making these remarks because she is likely jealous and/or insecure, oh and horrible obviously.

Twiglett · 05/03/2008 16:17

Tomorrow morning walk up to her and say very sweetly "I know you were trying to be funny yesterday when you said about my baby giving you a funny look just like me. But I have to tell you that it really upset me and I went home in tears. I have never, to my knowledge given you a funny look and I'm sorry you think I have."

say it loudly so others can hear, and wait to see what she says in return

LittleMissBliss · 05/03/2008 16:17

If the other mums are nice, i'd just turn your back to the bitch and chat away to the nice ones.

lacarte · 05/03/2008 16:19

sorry haven't read much beyond op so probably being repetitive .. but it sounds like this woman is a teeny weeny bit jealous of you and your children. If she thinks you're looking at what she's wearing she probably thinks what you're wearing is much better and she's feeling inadequate. Or she may just be an idiot.

GooseyLoosey · 05/03/2008 16:21

Agree with every one else - she is a grade 1 b*&ch. There is a clique of mothers like this at our school gates and indeed I would imagine at many others. Most are just content to belong to the clique and smile at everyone else, others however feel the need to belittle non-members to make themselves look better and more part of the group. This is nothing to do with you, this is the way they are. If I were you, I would look for other women who are not part of the clique and talk to them - ignore these people they are not worth the effort and certainly not worth getting upset about. You will also probably find that other mothers don't like them either (that's my experience).

Original poster

squinny101 · 05/03/2008 16:30

I don't mean I'm not proud of the fact that I have three children Sometimes, I can be quite because I'm one name, my son is another name and my dd's are another name entirely.

I'm new to the area and I don't want people thinking bad things about me that's all.

OP posts:

MinesALemsip · 05/03/2008 16:39

That was undoubtedly a bitchy comment. And how hideous to aim it at a toddler.
Ooh, I loathe the school gate...

R2G · 05/03/2008 16:43

dont be embarrassed by that. It is obvious that you aren't married, and one child has his father's family name and the other two have taken their dad's faimly name. And? So what it doesn't make you any different to anyone else. Everyone else has had more than one relationship and been having sex, married, living with them etc maybe it didnt result in a child but they have still done it they just dont have the 'evidence' of their life lived so far at the school gates. Children are precious what an absolute dickhead to berate your baby like that.
I am married, but I could have easily not been I was pregnant before marriage but it didn't work out. appearances aren't everything so don't let her value judgements float over you like a dark cloud.Do you know what I mean?
You are their fantastic gorgeous caring fun mother, all 2 1/2 year olds know just when to show you up it is Murphy's Law, and this woman is a typical BULLY.
A bully is someone who wants to make someone else feel bad to make themselves look or feel better.
Try not to let her bully you or judge you. She is only showing herself up.

Catzy · 05/03/2008 16:50

Sounds very bitchy to me.

The only thing I would say is I don't know what you look like but I have a very stern face - can't help it, it's the way I am. Once people get to know me they know I'm not a miserable cow. Over the years I've had many people say to me that I've given them a dirty look when I haven't at all and once we've spoken about it and cleared the air we've laughed about it .

Plus you don't know what your ex has said about you if you don't get on.

I think you should say something and say how you're feeling. It could just be a misunderstanding, if not she a great big ***

minouminou · 05/03/2008 16:53

Look her in the eye, and say just: "what's your point?" in a very heavy kind of tone.
she'll shut the f**k up
don't worry about being ostracised further....you may find the other women warming to you
at any rate, there's no way they will if they see you being cowed by this.....cow, as they'll worry she'll turn on them, too.
stupid little woman

Bluebutterfly · 05/03/2008 16:53

I do think a comment like

"I can see that the playground is where you belong"

would be in order, but just rise above it. There is no reason whatsoever that a grown woman needs to put up with this ridiculous behaviour from another grown woman.

If I were you I would just be extremely friendly in a superficial, keeping your distance sort of way. And, whatever you do, do not let the silly woman know that her childish behaviour has bothered you in the least.

Hope it all improves and that you meet some nice people soon!

lucyellensmum · 05/03/2008 17:13

JEsus christ alive The more i read about the playground the more i am dreading it!! I managed to avoid it with DD1 but this just sounds fecking awful. I HATE women like that, always comparing and looking down their noses at outehr people. They only do this to make themselves feel better you know.

JodieG1 · 05/03/2008 18:42

My friend and neighbour said that her friend from the school thought I'd given her a dirty look. I laughed when she told me as I don't even knwo the woman, I know who she is but that's it and I have certainly not given anyone dirty looks. She is very insecure from what my friend has told me though and a bit annoying. She really invades your personal space, on the few occasions I've spoken to her she stands so close that it's off putting, literally inches away.

AnneMayesR · 05/03/2008 18:49

It sounds like she has the hots for your ex or something.

MrsSeanSlater · 05/03/2008 18:58

Don't let her get away with making these kinds of comments about you. The more she gets away with it, the more she'll see you as an easy target and the more she'll do it.
Next time she says something bitchy, say something to her about it. Be civil but say something or it will carry on making you miserable.

MarmiteMe · 05/03/2008 19:12

That was proper bitchy but do you have to be in the playground stuff?
I'm not, never have been, I'm happy to stand by myself when I'm picking up DD. I just don't want playground polotics in my life.
Some woman said loudly next to me recently "look at her skirt, I'd never wear a skirt like that"
Sure, it was short but not obscene and given I'm a size 6 I have the figure for it.
Desperate as I was to march up to said woman and tell her she was a rude bitch, and jealous and worse because children were around, I just smiled to myself and carried on collecting DD from school.

MarmiteMe · 05/03/2008 19:15

And clearly I can't spell politics either

Chequers · 05/03/2008 19:19

Message withdrawn

Flip

1 2 3