Parents of SEN kids,do people avoid you too?

[Jennybeans401]

I have three dcs and all of them have SEN. Over the years I noticed some friends and (not all) family avoid me and our family due to this. All my dcs are quiet, kind and polite dcs.

It's almost like people think they might "catch" autism! I see how despite Inclusion a lot of people still ostracise many who are autistic or have a disability.

Have you experienced this?

volunteering for the pta isn’t really an option with additional needs plus family/work commitments for most parents. Honestly I’d love to do something like that it would be a “social life”!😆

I also got a part time job to help make friends . I never mentioned my son but luckily all my new friends love him anyway .

It's just about finding your tribe !

Also there is no pta at your Sen school?

In primary school, my autistic son was the only child not invited to a full-class party. He was musical; quirky, well behaved - just not a priority to anyone. How could a mum not invite him? Just him?

worse still we live in a street where children were going out of the gates with their presents to attend this party.

I think many people just avoid people with children entirely.

Yes, sadly they do.

Its become a bigger problem since we started home educating (school just wasn’t working)- home ed groups are really not accepting or friendly a lot of the time.

Yes it’s a bit like lots of people are paid less it’s nothing to do with their sex.

Actually we've found the complete opposite and have always been accepted and included in home education settings.

I think it's interesting how different geographical areas can have very different mixes of home ed families and group dynamics.

Yes, I think it very much depends on the demographic. Obviously in the home education group and activities that are for SEN children it’s different, but in the general home education community around here a lot seem to think he is just weird because he is quiet and careful, whereas their children are more rambunctious. They don’t want to make any concessions to having a child with additional needs there.

I don’t live in a big cosmopolitan area though so all the different groups/meet ups tend to have a lot of the same faces.

It's really sad to hear that parents would avoid parents of SEN kids. I have 2 DC. My DD is in Year 1 has regular play dates with 3 of her friends that are diagnosed with different types of autism. They are lovely kids and the parents are lovely as well. Have patience OP, I am sure you will find really nice parents with equally nice kids who will love to spend time with you and your DC. xx

Yep! Parents of a child we know won’t allow them to play with my very well behaved autistic DC. They had no issue to begin with! Until they found out about the ASD. Now a parent comes running if they're seen even talking for a split second

Why on earthhhh do you allow her any contact with your son or any of you for that matter? Would you accept such behaviour from a friend??

@floofbag I have never heard of a PTA at a SEND school.

What a horrible thing for you to say when talking about your own child

Oh get a grip @Ikeepmybumcheekshidden
This is the reality of our lives.

How the hell can they get a child out of the school????

When you say your daughter's mask slipped and other parents have now decided she is 'horrible', could you explain what you mean?

I know that some parents might decide a child is 'different' or 'strange' because of their behaviour, and might avoid them for that reason - which is awful. But 'horrible'? Do you mean that your daughter has been overly blunt/rude and inadvertently hurt someone's feelings, or had a meltdown and lashed out at another kid?

Oh, get over yourself. It's a factual comment about the reality of someone's caring responsibilities. They're not blaming the child. They're just making a very valid point about the impact of caring for a teenager with that level of disability and how different it is from having a teenager without additional needs.

@EllasGuitar, I don't even have any kids, but I didn't think you sounded in any way horrible - just really honest about the difference between your life and the lives of your friends.

Thank you Manatee. That was exactly my point.

This is pretty ignorant.

I am so glad you posted but saddened to see so many people having similar experiences. People thinking autism is catching really resonates with me - since my child's diagnosis party/play date invites have stopped including two of their closest friends. Friends who know my child well seem to have distanced themselves and I'm not sure why.

We have just had a holiday weekend and didn't see anyone in our friendship groups despite asking people if they wanted to meet up. Another child in DC class said they were inviting every other child to a party except them. It's lonely and upsetting for DC.

This has happened to our family over the years. Some friends, some family.

I learnt when my DC were in primary school that it has a hidden benefit. It makes it easy to work out early on who the arseholes are!

Yes. My DD has Down syndrome. Someone once moved her baby away from her in cafe. DD was doing nothing, just sat nicely waiting for her cake! The mum just stared at DD and moved her baby away. You definitely can’t catch Down syndrome sitting on the table to someone.

My family are generally really good but they won’t look after her for more than about an hour. No one will have her overnight. Me and DH never go out together or have any time as a couple. If I say I’m struggling with something, her behaviour, getting her things she needs, family and friends always just say ‘well, it could be worse’, ‘it’s not that bad’ etc. It gets really belittled, as if I’m making something out of nothing.

Friends aren’t interested anymore as I have to say no to things, large soft plays etc as she can’t physically access them. Or I say no and they don’t accept it, talk me into trying and then poor DD suffers because she has a meltdown because it’s not suitable for her. It is draining and lonely and it infuriates me because if you accept her for who she is and do things at her level, DD is pretty wonderful.

The mother with a son had every reason not to be happy about a child who held other children under water!

Would YOU be happy if your child was having their head held under and hit??

I doubt it.

Parents seek to protect their child from harm.
That’s what being a responsible parent IS.

No excuses!

It is not easy to find people who are accepting of anyone with evident differences. It probably boils down to fear, prejudice, low tolerance for disability etc. It is not just parents of SEN struggling with this, but people with disabilities are isolated too. I am disabled, and have a child with autism. We home educate as no school can provide for her needs locally. There are support groups for families affected by medical or developmental issues, and I have met some very nice and understanding people that way. I suppose these families understand the challenges and struggles so are more open to others in the same boat.

Yes, and it's really quite saddening.

I think my little boy is absolutely lovely and wonderful, and is only as cheeky and mischievous as any other little boy his age testing boundaries but because he's significantly speech delayed a lot of his communication is non-verbal I think people who don't understand him think he's just being naughty or aggressive when he just has different ways of communicating his needs.

I think a lot of my friends who have kids the same age also don't want an non-toilet trained 4 year old slowing them and their NT kids down, or want to hang about while my son processes things at his pace.

He's just started mainstream reception and I'm hoping that school is different now to how it was when we were kids because he loves it and I just want him to make like-minded friends.