Am I being unreasonable? to want to scream at all the health visitors I have spoken to?

[YvonneS]

Sorry this will probably be a bit of a rant because yet again cannot get a straight answer. Ever since dd was born I have found the health visitors who I have asked advice from to be a complete waste of time. As she is my 1st child thought I might get a bit of support but they either don't listen to the question or fob me off. A typical example is we have always struggled with really bad colic - at 6 weeks (now 3mths) she screamed virtually constantly for nearly 3 days was told if too much for me put her in cot and walk away not exactly practical to actually deal with the symptoms, she is still struggling although now not as bad and I have learnt to cope better and got some advice from friends and family but I though hv are there to give correct advice and not leave it to friends and family! rant over!

Didn't bother with HV. They all seem to have gone on the same training course that specialises in patrinising voices. Mumsnet or other mums seem to know far more IMO.

I have never learnt anything useful off a heath visitor. Our last one went back to Jamaica soon after ds was born and we never saw a replacement, he never had any more checkups which was a bit of a relief as they only stressed about his weight/height etc. I think some of them make it up as they go along!

Some HV are wonderful, some are a waste of space. My first one was lovely, but practically useless. I think you should go to the doctors and talk to the GP about your concerns. I totally agree with you about not walking away. Of course if you are at the end of your tether that is a sensible thing to do, but why cant HV understand that you are concerned for your baby, rather than unable to cope with the crying on your behalf. A visit to the doctor will put your mind at rest, could be reflux (ive seen this mentioned on here a lot but i know nothing, look up some threads some great advice there) or it might just be you have a colicky baby. It will get better though

YANBU

The other month a very old school HV told me my then 6 month old daughter, who wouldn't go to sleep without rocking, was trying to control me. So not just a little baby who wants reassurance then?

I have never learnt much off of HVs either. In fact, HV was very nice but ended up messing up my bf with DD1. Second time around I had moved house. Again lovely lady, but I did my own thing. It's nice to have a chat to be honest, a little visit from someone - it breaks up the day. But you need to be wary of what they say ime. Do what you want, and if necessary just do the sensible thing and say - yes, I'll think about that - with any suggestions that you don't agree with.

Once went to HV for DD2 immunisations. DD1 was dressed in summer clothes (mid winter) due to raging temperatures. She had been in hospital that weekend with a serious urine infection and 2 febrile convulsions. HV said I looked tired, would I liek a home visit? I managed to bite my tongue and just say no thanks and get out fo there. Not sure what support she thought that would give - was she thinking of staying up all night with my DD1 who was really ill and needed 24hour care? Er, no.

Mumsnet is definately more support if you ask me.

But, as I say. Lovely ladies and nice to have a chat as you can sometimes feel a bit on your own all day in the house with babies.

And you know the best bit?

We pay their salaries!

love2sleep - what is that supposed to mean? Unbelievable! I work in public sector so i guess I pay my own wages, I also fund people who live off benefits ,as we all do,some of who should be going out to work.

Amazing!

My HV is a lovely woman but absolutley useless. Told me for months that my ds was crying because he had colic.

After doing some research on line (tis how I discovered MN) it turns out he has silent reflux and milk protein intolerance. In my experience GPs aren't that much better. The first person I spoke to who actually knew anything about it was the specialist at the hospital.

What other symptms if any does your dd have?

actually the one decent HV I had diagnosed ds with silent reflux when gp had dismissed him several times as a cry-ey baby - which was nice since he hadn't stopped crying at all since he was 2 weeks old.

My HV was the strangest woman I ever met, but lovely with it. I honestly don't think she had a clue about anything thoguh, she just spoke to me in that sing songy voice they all seem to have and didn't really give me any advice whatsoever.
With my 2nd I saw the HV about four times, then said I'd call if I needed ehr, this time round I shall do the same.

Health visitors around here are brilliant. Intelligent, seinsitive, very pro-bf, run bf support sessions, baby massage, a weaning course containing up to date information, always prepared to come and visit if you need an ear/shoulder. They have surpassed my expectations a hundred times.

Please don't denigrate an entire profession because of one poor experience.

my HV told me to wean ds at 5 months to help control his sickyness........then gave me a telling off for giving him cows milk at 11 months.

my response was that she couldn't pick and choose which guidelines to follow.

i did have another HV on occasion who was worth his weight in gold.....but never available because of this

Have you tried cranio-sacral therapy? A friend who's ds cried a lot tried this and swears by it.

I had a WONDERFUL HV until..... what! last week. I needed to speak to her about DS needing grommets urgently, told she had retired. OK, says I, has anyone replaced her? reluctant reply, oh yes, whats your name blah blah blah. New HV come son phone, I explain the problem, she says... well thers not much I can do, Because I dont know your little boy, Id rather you contact your doctor.... blah blah

I put the phone down.

L&S'smum

I also work in the public sector. My point is simply that I think that our taxes could be better spent. There seems to be a widespread consensus that HV's do not provide a particularly helpful service compared with other HC professionals and here on MN we are frequently being told to ignore them. If they were employees of a private company then this would seem reasonable. I am quite happy to ignore double glazing salesmen who also provide a service that I do not want. It just seems that given the current climate of NHS cuts and reductions in service that perhaps the money could be better spent on either training HVs so that they are more helpful or in other more useful resources. After all we do pay for these resources and our views on their usefulness should be heard.

Sorry if my flippant post cause any offence.

I told my HV to f@@k off and not to darken my door again after I had my first. She made me feel even more of a shitty mummy than I thought I was and quite frankly, if I need putting down I will ask my mother. Second time round I told midwife to make a note on file that I only wanted midwife vistis for first couple of times (concerning my bits and bobs) and that the HV was not to call.

My DHs grandma had 7 children (this was 60 years ago) andf she used to get all kids to hide behind settee when HV called. She said (in the words of an 88 year old) they are 'nosey bitches'. What can you tell a mum of 7 kids about childcare!

Love 2 sleep I have far more issue with my taxes going to pay for m.ps taxi fairs or dinner meetings, or for an illegal 'war'.

Some HV's are crap, but you always have the right to request a new one. They are also incredibly overstretched and have huge pressure to meet government guidelines and targets that most of them see arbitrary at best, and damaging at worst.

We all have pressures in our jobs. Dosnt mean we should take it out on the clients. We can only speak as we find about our own experiences. My HV told me under no circumstances should I go back to work as I would regret it and that 'in my day' they didnt have double buggys and had to walk everywhere in the snow with no shoes on. Actually I made that last bit up.

My mum was a HV until she retired, so I freely admit that I am biased in favour of HVs, but I have to say that I have had tremendous support from my local HVs with my DD2, who has had terrible health problems. At one point I was terribly isolated and they helped me.

My mum took her role incredibly seriously and still gets accosted in our local shops by women whom she visited (in a good way, honestly - they love her!). HVs are involved in an awful lot of very upsetting welfare cases, but that's not something they can shout about from the rooftops. It's a serious job - they're not there purely to annoy Mumsnetters.

seems i'm not the only one. weezlewoo she screams in agony various times of the day for anything upto an hour, brings her legs up and won't let me go near her stomach,somedays sick a lot some days not at all, when she burps she screams afterwards as if in pain and she hiccups like a drunk!

Have to say my HV supported me alot - just kept an open mind about advice they gave me.

Yvonne, sounds like it could be reflux.

Does she ever cry while she's feeding arch her back or pull away while you're trying to feed her?

YvonneS, sorry, I meant to say that YANBU because you must be beside yourself with worry about your DD and could clearly do with some proper support. I hope that your DD improves soon.

weezlewoo, sometimes she pulls away after feeding for a few moments and screams - she tends to arch her back during screaming sessions not during feeding

Yvonne, it does sound like reflux. Have you been to your gp to check?