Am I being unreasonable? to want to scream at all the health visitors I have spoken to?

[YvonneS]

Sorry this will probably be a bit of a rant because yet again cannot get a straight answer. Ever since dd was born I have found the health visitors who I have asked advice from to be a complete waste of time. As she is my 1st child thought I might get a bit of support but they either don't listen to the question or fob me off. A typical example is we have always struggled with really bad colic - at 6 weeks (now 3mths) she screamed virtually constantly for nearly 3 days was told if too much for me put her in cot and walk away not exactly practical to actually deal with the symptoms, she is still struggling although now not as bad and I have learnt to cope better and got some advice from friends and family but I though hv are there to give correct advice and not leave it to friends and family! rant over!

My DD was the same for 3 months. Doctor gave her Colief on prescription and she was so much better after just two days. Then she was 'cured' within a fortnight. Dont know whether the magic 12 weeks kicked in (my kids tended to turn a corner then) or the Colief but I would recommend it. Available over counter for a tenner but free on prescription. Good luck its awful feeling so helpless.

Yvonne as the mother of a ds with awful reflux it does sound like an option. It might be worth a trip to the GP to chat about the symptoms and he may prescribe Gaviscon or similar to try and settle the acid.

We have 3 HV at our practice, lovely women but I don;t think one of them does what it says on the tin. They are great for a chat with but I have become used to inconsistent advice, complete ignorance of the guidlines and why they are there and the odd vacant expression. I have asked my HV questions about immunisations and they have no idea because they don't do them maybe not but they are our port of call with these tyoe of questions.

Both times I have had my babies though I have been soooo lucky because there is one FAB HV who has retired but does fill in at our practice. She maybe the plder woman but she is certainly not old school and will talk over changing guidelines with you, give you areguments for and against and even sometime play devils advocate to get you to see the other side of the argument. LOVE HER!!! both times I gave birth she so happened to be doing cover so she came to see me and if it hadn't been for her I would have given up bf dd but she was there every step of the way and put me in touch with another bf mother on her round for a bit of experienced support.

I would go to your GP and tell them about your concerns.

Like I said most of them aren't that clued up about reflux either so stand your ground - don't let them fob you off with the colic excuse.

you might find this website useful

Good luck, I hope your dd feels better soon

My first hv was lovely and practical and just brilliant. Then she retired and the second one came around for ds's 1 year check-up. She was patronising and horrible. I had just been made redundant (which I told her when she came in) and was still on prozac for pnd (which I didn't tell her as I thought she would've read my notes.

She started to have a go at me for feeding ds jar food. I told her that I'm a terrible cook, and don't enjoy the process. I explained my dh is a vegetarian and I don't think we eat the healthiest at the best of times, so I feel my ds is better off on jar food. Her response was to ask me if I do a Sunday roast on Sundays. I, again, said my dh is a vegetarian so a roast for one seems a bit excessive especially for someone who DOES NOT LIKE COOKING. And no word or a lie, she tutted and said: "Excuses, excuses..."

When she then asked me to do the pnd questionare, I informed her of my pnd and her attitude changed. When I scored pretty high, she came over all concerned and asked if they could help in any way.

I kicked myself afterwards for not saying: "Yes, you can help... by not being such a partonising cow and making me feel even shittier. Thank you very much!"

My ds also had reflux and I found putting him on stay-down sma milk or mixing baby gaviscon with his feeds, helped him keep it down and he was 10 times better within 2 weeks. But I don't know what you'd do if you are breastfeeding? Good luck though!

I can empathise with you about your experience with your HV and I also found mine to be lovely but not that helpful with bf etc. However, their role is so much more than new baby worries. They have a responsibility to check childrens development and well being. They are involved heavily in child protection issues and do a great job in these areas.
If children are not picked up for developmental delays until they start school/pre-school then it may be difficult to resolve problems.
I know of a child who is 3y and cannot speak more than the odd word, none put together and jibberish. She also is still having 3 bottles of formula per day, is constipated and on regular laxatives and does not see a HV.She doesn't eat and will store food in her mouth for hours. She needs to see a HV. Mum doesn't put her into pre-school more than likely because she will have these issues highlighted and doesn't want 'interference'

I was a hv. There are good and bad hvs, like any profession.

And you should see some of the hassle they have to put up with, tbh. It is not just popping from house to house admiring babies and drinking tea, with the odd clinic in between and then home in time to bath your own children.

Not all mothers are open and friendly and seeking advice. Not all children are in loving caring homes. Not all the work is happy, smiling new baby stuff. It can be a very depressing, soul destroying job with mountains of administration and situations that cannot be changed or ameliorated and children, families and parents suffering as a result. It can also be a deeply rewarding job and I never regretted becoming a hv.

I was once chased by a man with a knife who was threatening his wife, I have been bitten by dogs, jumped on by a fourteen year old as a joke, taught a single father how to make scrambled eggs and how to iron a school uniform, played with babies whilst their exhausted mother had a nap, spent three hours trapped in a house when the toddler hid the keys, helped a pg woman visit her partner in prison, accepted a bunch of flowers and a cup of tea from a woman who we helped leave her violent partner and had never been able to openly let us in the door before and eaten more than one huge feast laid on by an iranian/lebanese/chinese family who wished to express their thanks for the support. I worked damn hard and always hoped to be as up to date as possible on the latest research and guidelines, as did my colleagues.

I sometimes used to wish I was a magician, rather than a hv. I still occasionally think about some of the children and families I used to work with.

To be fair, my HV's have always been nce enoguh people, with probably the best intentions, I just wish that when they didn't know something they would say 'I don't know,' and find peopel the number/address of someone who does know.
That's really my only qualms.

I really think those people who are advocating getting rid of Hv's should spend some time in some U.S states where mothers of new babies get NO follow-up at all. It is up to mothers entirely to book check-up visits, immunisations etc with a paediatrician and to keep a track of weight gain etc. All with no easy access to help or advice. Fine if you have several children and no pnd but many woman find this time hard enough without having take on all that as well. Many familes have no access to post-natal baby care at all.

True some HVs are terrible and some are good. I personally feel privileged to live somewhere this is offered as a service to new mothers. It is particularly useful given the fact that help with a newborn from 'extended family' is so much rarer now.

I don't have any axe to grind re HV's and mine in fact missed my pnd but I still think that it is better to have them than not.

I've had 2 wonderful who have definitely been "money well spent" by the NHS IMO.

You sound fantastic and committed and it shows that it's more than a job to you because you've gone out of your way to help beyond the call of duty. You are/were definitely in the right job.

My HV was FANTASTIC!!! Sorry to all of you who hate them but there are fabulous ones out there. It's due to my HV that I bf DS for a year when at 2 weeks I was ready to give it all up because his weight gain was slow. Lovely HV took one look at DS, enthused about what a lovely baby he was and what a fabulous job I was doing with the bf. When I pointed out the slow weight gain she pointed out that he was huge at birth (over 10lb) and was "catching down" rather than up - boosted my confidence all the way and was also great when I had PND.

Not a waste of resources at all when they are as good as my one was.

i agree with victoriansqualor if would be nice if hv just said don't know but ask here

But alot of HVs do just that Yvonne - "I don't know and perhaps see the GP". Then the Mum comes onto Mumsnet and says "HV didn't know - waste of resources"

I think the real problem comes when they claim to know and plainly don't - something I think we have all come across. I'd rather have a HV I can ring though than have to rely on a GP all the time.

DS had a squint and GP said "he's young - bring him back when he's older" (I now know this was crap advice). HV on the other hand said "He need's referral to an Orthoptist and assessing" which she sorted out. Orthoptist said that my GP gave me the wrong advice and should have referred DS straight away as the HV did as soon as she saw thes squint.

fedup, unfortunately many HV's do not do that, if you look at the amount of HV threads on here, more of them say Hv said to do X, which is the wrong advice than Hv didn't know.
Especially wrt breastfeeding and weaning.

I had one great HV when I moved practices, before that I had a right dolly one!

Me: When does the soft spot on his skull close?

Dolly HV: When his hair grows.

He already had hair, was so stunned I just stared at her then left. Went to doc's after that with any queries.

I've had one super HV and one dimwit.

They come in all shapes and sizes and IQs. What can you do? If you're not happy with the service they provide, then you could make a formal complaint and maybe get some change that way?

But I'd rather we had HVs than not. They can keep an eye out for those mums who are struggling or for those kids whose home environment is perhaps violent or neglected kids.

to all lovely HV's out there - sorry for my earlier post. It was not just flippant it was downright rude
Given how much time I spend ranting about rude people I really should know better

i gave up with my hv when she told me ds 4 months at the time was to old to be drinking from a bottle should only use a lidless beaker"if baby can swallow baby shouldnt suck"

I've never found HV much good. When I had my DS1 he would not sleep in moses basket so I put him in bed with me. 1st HV told me to do whatever got me some sleep.
2nd HV told me:

He was a boy
He was prem 36 weeks
My DH smoked (at the time but not in the house)
It was summer (overheating)
and he was in bed with me

All higher risks of cot death..

Just what you needed to hear when you've just had a baby. Didn't sleep at all for a long time as so paranoid.

Never asked another HV advise after that.

PatsyCline my mum's a HV as well (& a midwife), she's absolutely brilliant & I wish everyone had a HV like her

She is massively supportive of breastfeeding & spends hours supporting mothers to get it established, she's totally up to date, advocates BLW/extended BF etc etc. She deals with cases that would turn your hair grey - everything from the uneducated, the drug addicted, DV cases, neglect, abuse, supporting families of children with terminal illnesses. She's been threatened by abusive fathers, deals with traumatised/depressed/suicidal mothers, homeless families, immigrants who have nothing & don't speak a word of English, 'disappeared' children. It is hardly a low pressure, inconsequential role.

HVs can be fabulous!

My mum was once called out to a family who asked her (all five foot nothing of her) to take away the dead family pet (a very large Alsatian) which was laid out on the double bed upstairs with rigor mortis! I remind her of that when she says that she hates retirement...

Patsy

I know...they all have different things to say! I remember first having this problem when my son was born, right in the hospital! All the nurses were contradicting one another...wake your baby up to feed, why did the nurse tell you to wake him up?, etc. My doctor said,"You are going to find that there are CERTAIN people who will tell you to do things with your baby, but the bottom line is that you will know your baby better than any nurse or doctor ever will. Take suggestions as just that. Try what you feel is right."

I think HV get a tough ride because so many decisions about parenting are subjective/personal. Yes, obviously there are official guidelines for many things and they should be expected to be absolutely up to speed with those and understand their application in Real Life.

And Catz - apart from the summer bit, as I understand it - what your second HV told you was absolutely correct. Not to make you paranoid, but to make you aware of the risks. First HV should have told you the same in order that you could make a properly informed decision about co-sleeping.

I have to disagree with you about HV but then I have probably been lucky to have one who is both supportive and full of good advice. Yours do sound crap to be fair.

Not read whole thread so sorry if its been mentioned already...

My ds2 was very similar and I was at my wits end - ds1 had been a much calmer happier baby and I was totally thrown. Ds2 actually had reflux and gaviscon worked wonders for him.

We also took him to a cranial osteopath and this has probably helped too. I say probably - there's no way really of knowing he wouldn't have become happier as he got older which is why I can't be certain but at some of the sessions i have seen visible responses in ds2 to what appears to the naked eye to be nothing more than touching his head! Others talk wonders of it - do a search on here and you will come up with a lot of other people's stories - that's what gave me the idea to take him!

If its more the settling your dc that you find hard check out this dvd - a complete godsend with ds1.

Good luck - it's soul destroying when you can't settle them but this phase doesn't last forever.