Should 18 yo be trusted with 8yo, 10yo and 14yo with autism alone for a week

[lookingforadviceuk]

Hi, i'm looking for advice, any is welcome! An ex whom my partner shares 3 children with (8,10 & 14 with autism) intends on leaving them for a week with their 18 year old brother whilst she goes abroad. Obviously we as the other parents have no idea how responsible he is, and we only found out last minute through the kids (she had no intention of telling us by the looks of it!) We are struggling to know what to do, would other parents be OK with this? I personally feel really uncomfortable with the idea. Thank you in advance!

absolutely no way

I wouldn't.

But if your the parent and step parent surely they can just stay with you as both parents have a say in whether they are left alone or not!

Poor 18yo.

I wouldn't be ok with this. Does the 18yo know the 14yo never mind how to deal with his autism? Will the 14yo be ok with the 18yo being in charge? I know that PDA can happen with autism.

Is the 18 year old comfortable with that level of responsibility? Are the younger kids ok with this? Whats the back up plan in case of emergencies?

If the child's parent is uncomfortable then surely they just get the children and look after them themself for a week?

For anyone this would be hard, let alone a teenager!!

Unfortunately, they have recently moved 200 miles away, so we are unable to take them to school etc!

Personally I think it’s too long to leave the 18 year old in charge, it’s a huge responsibility.

Your partner should offer to have them stay for the week-at least the younger children.

Hell, no. That’s far too much to expect of an 18 year old.

No, I don't think that's ok.

Is it definitely just the 18 year old? No Grandparents or anyone helping out?

Your partner needs to go get his children.

Ah, just saw the update. Could your partner take some leave and stay nearby to help out?

I’d be really concerned about their safety, tbh, it’s far too much to ask an 18 year old to be responsible for three siblings especially as one has autism.

We have only just found out, if we hadn't of been told by the kids we would have been none the wiser! It's a case of keep them, which I would like to do, however they moved 200 miles away so it would mean them missing school etc.

Absolutely no way! I'd rather the kids were with me and missed school than were left in this situation.

Can your partner call the school to explain why they need to miss a week?

Legally it's fine, he's 18 weather or not he's mature enough and able to deal with in correctly is anyone guess.

But from a legal point of view I can't see there is anything you could do

If uncomfortable your ex could offer to have his children for the week

Then they miss school. Your partner simply can't allow this to happen and, in my opinion, he should report this to social services.

My 14yo with autism would absolutely not cope with an 18 yo telling him what to do.... I would definitely not be doing this

Yes, this is what I have suggested, to call the school and explain. It's better them missing school than the kids be left in this situation!

Would your husband be happy to move into her house while they’re away? Not the best suggestion but it will mean they have a responsible adult and don’t miss school

No

Why? They're in the care of an adult And will be at school most of the time by the sounds of it.

If their 18yr old brother is used to babysitting his siblings then it’s not a big problem . The kids will be in their own homes with their own routines - which most autistic children prefer .
The 14yr old is of an age to not really need a babysitter anyway .
For me it would depend on if the 18yr old is competent enough at making meals for them all and also how he is going to get the younger two to school .
apart from that i would be ok . 18 is an adult and sounds mature enough to have agreed to do this . People in England often seem to treat children much younger than they are capable of

He's the brother he probably knows more than OP about the children.

Also I assume from your post the oldest is/was his stepson? He may not have seen him for a while but he must have some knowledge of his character from when he was in a relationship with the mum?

I agree with @Spidey66 that the best solution is for your DP to find a way to go to them, whether he can stay in the house or an AirbnB. Even if it’s only for part of the week.

For those saying that the 18-year-old is legally an adult-yes, but the parents are still legally responsible for the three younger children.

I’m gobsmacked that the mother planned on leaving them for a week without telling their father, tbh, it’s not in their best interests at all.