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Original poster

Being called ma'am by shop assistants?

125 replies

floralsilkbonnet · 23/09/2023 15:43

Never before and then twice in the last few weeks. Is it my age (I'm nearly 40, but the shop assistants looked to be a similar age to me) or just something people say now? I don't know if 'Madame' would have been worse or better.

I don't think I like it and I'm not sure why. I wanted to say 'I'm not the queen' but that would have been rude so obviously I didn't.

OP posts:
78Summer · 23/09/2023 19:48

When we are very old we will barely be noticed so I would not worry about it.

UnctuousUnicorns · 23/09/2023 19:49

Btw in British English, strictly speaking, it's "Madam" (no "e"), equivalent to "Sir". Although this does now have unfortunate connotations with brothels.

Caswallonthefox · 23/09/2023 20:03

I was called Miss in my local supermarket, I'm 51 and twice divorced. I just basically, thought that they needed their eyes tested but didn't say anything because it didn't bother me.

Hotzenplotz · 23/09/2023 20:03

Good grief, what a thing to get worked up about.

Lorrymum · 23/09/2023 20:17

Im 65 and have never been called ma'am except on holiday in the US. I tend to get called "sweetheart" or "darling" in the UK which I find patronising. I much prefer "ma'am'.

Bigcat25 · 23/09/2023 20:20

I don't like it either, it drives my friend nuts. I'm not gonna lose any sleep over it though. I'm in Canada, and it's not super common here, but sometimes an Indian expat might use it excessively, such as "hi mam, how are you today mam, what can I get for you mam," etc, so I have to hear it eight times during a quick coffee purchase.

Part of it is it sounds kind of sounds kind of slung off or slightly disrespectful in tone to me, was almost slang sounding if that makes sense. And it is short for madame, so if you want to be respectful, use madame or nothing at all. The other part is men are called sir regardless of age, whereas for women the term is tied to age and people arbitrarily decide when you're too old to be a "miss."

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 23/09/2023 20:24

@RichardArmitagesWife , just wait till you’re even older and the Egyptian bloke helping you into his boat calls you Big Mama (meaning grandmother!). I was ‘only’ 50 odd, too.

RichardArmitagesWife · 23/09/2023 20:27

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 23/09/2023 20:24

@RichardArmitagesWife , just wait till you’re even older and the Egyptian bloke helping you into his boat calls you Big Mama (meaning grandmother!). I was ‘only’ 50 odd, too.

I'm already there - my (late 30s) neighbour told me my friendliness with her three primary-aged daughters was "like having an extra grandma."

Bitch, we're only 12 years apart!

CaptainMyCaptain · 23/09/2023 20:30

I'm in my late 60s and I have never been called ma'am or madam. It sounds odd.

twilightcafe · 23/09/2023 20:35

Get used to it!

Bigcat25 · 23/09/2023 20:46

@RichardArmitagesWife how annoying!

Scruffington · 23/09/2023 20:49

RichardArmitagesWife · 23/09/2023 20:27

I'm already there - my (late 30s) neighbour told me my friendliness with her three primary-aged daughters was "like having an extra grandma."

Bitch, we're only 12 years apart!

Show quote history

the disrespect! Grin

I'd seduce her husband in revenge.

AgnesX · 23/09/2023 20:52

I love being called ma'am but then I'm aged these days 😬

RichardArmitagesWife · 23/09/2023 20:53

@Scruffington - like I could be arsed!

But yeah, I think she’s cruising for a shock in a few years

SenecaFallsRedux · 23/09/2023 21:00

Watchkeys · 23/09/2023 17:43

@rainbowunicorn

Yes, a few things have historically gone from England to America, then been dropped in England, only to reappear more recently with our exposure to America over the last 70 years or so. I seem to remember the word 'trash' as an example of this, can't remember the others, but it's definitely a 'thing'. 'Candy' and 'diaper', I think, too.

Another is "fall" for autumn. It is an older British usage. "Gotten" as past participle of "get" is another.

It's true that ma'am (as an abbreviation of "madam") is far older than the American colonies and was brought here by British settlers.

I'm from the US Deep South. I've been ma'am since about the age of 16.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 23/09/2023 21:13

American South is the home for Sir and Ma’am. And it’s still a very enforced honorific for anyone older or with authority. Young kids are still taught to address parents and other family members as sir or ma’am. It’s used less often in other areas.

For the rest of us, miss is sometimes used for younger ladies. Very few Ma’am’s in the wild because people lose their shit when they think someone is calling them old.

Military is a whole ‘nother world of rules.

Sir is age neutral

I remember my French teacher explaining that Mademoiselle is expected to be used and Madam also…no cute usage of Mademoiselle for an older woman.

I mean Ma’am is the shortened version of Madame so not sure why one is ok and the other isn’t.

theduchessofspork · 23/09/2023 21:21

floralsilkbonnet · 23/09/2023 17:14

I thought it was American. I've never heard it in the UK before and none of the friends I asked have either.

I did want to know if this was a new thing, which is partly why I posted to ask. I did look it up first and apparently someone asked similar here back in 2011!

Show quote history

It’s not American, it’s posh. Female members of the RF are called Ma’am (to rhyme with ham).

Were you shopping somewhere grand? Otherwise it’s usually Madam. I don’t see why one is worse than the other though?

Vettrianofan · 23/09/2023 21:22

Not a big deal 🤷🏻 better than getting referred to as "doll" or "love"🤣

theduchessofspork · 23/09/2023 21:23

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 23/09/2023 20:24

@RichardArmitagesWife , just wait till you’re even older and the Egyptian bloke helping you into his boat calls you Big Mama (meaning grandmother!). I was ‘only’ 50 odd, too.

Oh fuck. I hope you put him right. He must have spent years wondering why his tips were crap.

Toughsteak · 23/09/2023 22:18

I think it's rude to call someone madam and a term to put older women in their 'place.'

heyitsthistle · 23/09/2023 22:26

I prefer madame to ma'am. The latter is overused in the US and I dislike it.

Plus I'm not the Queen (even if that is pronounced 'marm')

Pfannkuchen · 23/09/2023 22:28

I'd rather be called "Maam" than Sir, but obviously that's just me.

FramboiseRoyale · 23/09/2023 23:10

heyitsthistle · 23/09/2023 22:26

I prefer madame to ma'am. The latter is overused in the US and I dislike it.

Plus I'm not the Queen (even if that is pronounced 'marm')

For the Queen, it's ma'am rhymes with ham, not marm.

WandaWonder · 23/09/2023 23:28

I love it, their intention is nice so I don't feel I need to make it all about me or make some saga in my head over it

Wolvesart · 23/09/2023 23:37

Locally taxi drivers do it, it tends to mean they are originally from India. I dint especially warm to it, but think it’s basically just polite

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