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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get pleasure out of running a home? (well sometimes!)

76 replies

chocomax · 23/09/2023 14:43

Firstly I don't "love" housework but on those days, weeks, months where everything in the house is ticking over nicely and everything is clean, tidy, well organised, pleasant and to my liking I do actually get real pleasure out of it as well as a sense of satisfaction and pride in it. When the house is warm and cosy, when we have tasty healthy, freshly made food, fresh bedding and nice things to do at home and so on I do think to myself, I did that, I made all this happen and I do enjoy it.

Its not all I do I work too and of course my DH helps but I'm the one who knows what needs doing. It also doesn't always come together and that is fine too c'est la vie, but when it does all come together am I unreasonable to enjoy it and take that bit of credit, even if it is just internally to myself?

OP posts:
IsSheEverOnTime · 23/09/2023 14:45

Nope. It's an endless conveyor belt of issues and upsets.

Highdaysandholidays1 · 23/09/2023 14:45

There's nothing unreasonable about it, it sounds lovely. Unfortunately, it's an experience I will never have as my home is never ticking along nicely with everything well-organized!

ButterflyOil · 23/09/2023 14:45

Why would you think that’s unreasonable in any way? What is the thought process?

KrazyboutKillian · 23/09/2023 14:46

not unreasonable at all , it’s your planning , prep and organisation that made it happen, and you should give yourself a pat on the back .

YouJustDoYou · 23/09/2023 14:46

I don't find "pleasure" in housework/cooking etc but I do love being here for the children, having had an utterly lonely, shit and horrible childhood myself.

Bapbap45 · 23/09/2023 14:46

I run my household on my own and it's quite overwhelming. I have a list as long as my arm, the sun is out and I'm procrastinating on MN.

5128gap · 23/09/2023 14:51

Not U at all. If I could achieve even a day of clean and tidy home, healthy meals and fresh bedding I'd be over the moon with myself. But im too lazy, too disorganised and lack the self discipline to tackle chores i dislike. To make all that happen while doing a paid job takes a lot of organisation, hard work and sacrifice of time you could be using to relax/do fun things. So genuinely, good for you!

Comedycook · 23/09/2023 14:52

Yes loads of people feel like this... myself included.

Newphony · 23/09/2023 14:53

You sound smug!

Highdaysandholidays1 · 23/09/2023 14:54

It's not smug to think you've done a good job and pat yourself on the back. Who else is going to congratulate you for running a home (not the main beneficiaries, most likely)?

Limetreee · 23/09/2023 14:55

Yes me. I love a clean house, nowhere to be, something lovely in the oven, a cosy evening to look forward to,and fresh bedding. Nothing nicer.

YouJustDoYou · 23/09/2023 14:56

Newphony · 23/09/2023 14:53

You sound smug!

I don't think she does, at all.

Original poster
chocomax · 23/09/2023 14:56

@ButterflyOil Perhaps I should have put it in the OP but was talking to my SIL about it last night, mentioned that feeling of satisfaction when everything is perfect-ish and she said that was the saddest thing she had ever heard and that I should get a life! I have a life thanks very much but that doesn't stop me enjoying those times when the house is👌

OP posts:
MmmALovelyBitOfSquirrel · 23/09/2023 14:57

I do actually enjoy housework. I have white gloss kitchen cupboards and white walls everywhere. I love the transformation of end of the day mess to gleaming, emptiness of worktops, before I go to bed (or in the morning and cleaning when the DC/DH leave on a Monday morning!)

I'm a SAHM and my partner works away. It gives me something to do and I'm happy when I'm on top of it. I decorate seasonally, like pumpkin decs out and pumpkin spice scent ATM, have ordered cosy bedding and Oodies for when the DC come home one day when the weather gets worse. I like redecorating their rooms as a surprise or having a cake and cookies baked for when they get home.

I have PTSD. A clean home is a clean mind for me. Keeping busy helps to distract from things. I just love knowing where everything is as I'm the one who organised it. It's not perfect, but I'm happy knowing it'd only take me one day to go through the three floors of the house.

I thought I was the only one to enjoy it! Nice to know there are others out there who do too!

Original poster
chocomax · 23/09/2023 14:57

Newphony · 23/09/2023 14:53

You sound smug!

If that is what you think then fine, I say quite clearly that I don't get it that way all the time but when I do its very nice indeed.

OP posts:
Original poster
chocomax · 23/09/2023 15:00

5128gap · 23/09/2023 14:51

Not U at all. If I could achieve even a day of clean and tidy home, healthy meals and fresh bedding I'd be over the moon with myself. But im too lazy, too disorganised and lack the self discipline to tackle chores i dislike. To make all that happen while doing a paid job takes a lot of organisation, hard work and sacrifice of time you could be using to relax/do fun things. So genuinely, good for you!

It can take a bit of sacrifice to get there when it slips but once you have a routine and everything is ticking over then I find that for me it actually frees up more time to relax and do fun things.

OP posts:
Wolfricbriandumbledore · 23/09/2023 15:01

I’m with your SIL, but would have been polite enough to keep my opinion to myself, unless asked for it.

But you know, OP, you like what you like. Some people enjoy earwax videos on YouTube.

5128gap · 23/09/2023 15:02

chocomax · 23/09/2023 14:56

@ButterflyOil Perhaps I should have put it in the OP but was talking to my SIL about it last night, mentioned that feeling of satisfaction when everything is perfect-ish and she said that was the saddest thing she had ever heard and that I should get a life! I have a life thanks very much but that doesn't stop me enjoying those times when the house is👌

Haha. That's what I pretend to think about people who keep their homes nicer than I do. I delude myself that mine is rubbish because I'm too busy doing much more interesting things than housework (I'm not). Makes me feel better about myself. 😂

Original poster
chocomax · 23/09/2023 15:03

@Highdaysandholidays1 Exactly, in the end they take it for granted to a certain extent but then we did from my mum and yet we all did benefit from it and appreciate that now. DH grew up in a very cluttered house and I know he appreciates it.

OP posts:
Original poster
chocomax · 23/09/2023 15:04

Wolfricbriandumbledore · 23/09/2023 15:01

I’m with your SIL, but would have been polite enough to keep my opinion to myself, unless asked for it.

But you know, OP, you like what you like. Some people enjoy earwax videos on YouTube.

Earwax video's? Do you really, well that wouldn't be for me but if you enjoy them have at it!

OP posts:
Dragonsandcats · 23/09/2023 15:05

I think running a home like that is not easy and you should be proud of yourself. I’d love to have the self discipline to do it. I’d love to have a tidy clean organised home!

BeggyMitchell · 23/09/2023 15:06

YouJustDoYou · 23/09/2023 14:46

I don't find "pleasure" in housework/cooking etc but I do love being here for the children, having had an utterly lonely, shit and horrible childhood myself.

Could have written this myself.

Original poster
chocomax · 23/09/2023 15:08

Dragonsandcats · 23/09/2023 15:05

I think running a home like that is not easy and you should be proud of yourself. I’d love to have the self discipline to do it. I’d love to have a tidy clean organised home!

Thank you, I think self discipline is the thing rather than spending hours and hours cleaning daily its just making yourself do your routines and stick to it, it gets easier but then as always life gets in the way and you slip down and have to slog back up to the top again.

OP posts:
GreenClock · 23/09/2023 15:09

I don’t agree with your SIL, nor with the person who unjustly called you smug, but I think you should stop saying that your OH “helps”.

He doesn’t. He pulls his weight, which is as it should be. Language matters.

Mumofteenandtween · 23/09/2023 15:10

Human beings like achieving stuff. It’s why there are so many “To Do” lists on the market.

Ticking off chores is an achievement, it makes your home a nicer place for you and it makes it a nicer place for those that you live with. So what’s not to like?