To not do school pick ups everyday?

[tgodtaylor]

My neighbour is a single mum to a 4 yo. I'm also a single mum to a teen and a 10 year old.

She works until 5:30, for the first few weeks her boss was letting her finish early to collect him as he finished at lunchtime but soon he'll be doing full time and she won't be able to finish early. She's asked if I can pick him up as he goes to the same school as my 10 yo. The problem is, I don't really do pick up anymore as his school isn't far away and it's close to my teens school, he usually walks with him.

She's also wants me to keep him here until she picks him up at around 6, she mentioned how he gets along with the 10 yo, they do but I don't think he'll want to be entertaining him constantly. We live opposite a field so when she sees DS is there she will send her child which DS doesn't like as he wants to play football with his own friends, not look after a 4 yo. He's going to secondary school next year so once that happens I think he's less likely to want to spend time with a then 5 year old.

I do help her out at times with looking after him if she has an appointment and when he was unwell so she couldn't go out, I went out and got shopping and medication for her etc.

What would you do?

Did you say you don't REALLY do the pick up? Just say you don't.

As a lone parent she can have up to 85% of her childcare bill paid for her, so "can't afford it" is basically bullshit.

"This is not my problem to sort. I can't help". Repeat.

Absolutely say no! If you do it once it will be expected. You aren't her free childcare so she can work and earn a full time wage. Also your son shouldn't be expected to be responsible for her 4 year old, stand your ground.

I imagine she would also expect you to help in the holidays too. Say no and stay firm!

Don’t be guilted into this OP. She is asking you to be free childcare. The rest of us pay for this, use family or change/cut their working hours.

It’s also rude of her not to consider that you may actually like to do things after school.

If she is that much in the shit then she should consider moving closer to family if they are able to help.

She can't afford a childminder? She presumably paid for childcare before he started school, so she is used to paying it.

No. Just say no. Then keep saying it until she solves the completely foreseeable problem.

It doesn't sound like this is a new job, so she must have been paying for childcare before now? Even with 30 free hours it's not cheap for full time nursery. If she could afford that, she can afford a childminder for a few hours a day.

And even if she can't, guilting you into doing it for free (every day, for how long? Years??) isn't the answer.

"Sorry, DS is walking himself to/from school now in preparation for secondary school in September so I won't be doing a school run anymore."

He isn't old enough to be responsible for a 4yo in the morning and surely the school wouldn't release the 4yo to your DS at the end of the day anyway so perfect excuse there. If she complains in any way just say DS goes to friends house directly after school or he has friends come back to his so not in the position to have a 4yo there too.

What was her plan next September when your son isn't even at the school anymore? Tell her to bring it forward instead.

What was she doing before now for childcare or has she only just started this job?

She started her job earlier this year, previously she wasn't working and her child wasn't in childcare until last year when he started at the school nursery. During the summer holidays he was at a kids club which I think was only a few pound a week so not as expensive as a childminder would be. But I will tell her no. I also think if I said yes he would be here constantly trying to talk to DS/play with him and he's 4 so they don't have much in common apart from both liking football.

She lost all the sympathy I could have had when you mentioned

when she sees DS is there she will send her child which DS doesn't like as he wants to play football with his own friends, not look after a 4 yo.

she's not a desperately struggling single mum, she is a CF.

For the sake of your own children, learn to say NO.

She either earns enough to pay for childcare or if she doesn’t she’ll be entitled to universal credit in which case she can claim 85% of it back just like I do as a single parent

This is not your problem to solve, and you would be doing your own child a disservice if you say yes. You need to work around your own children’s timings and this set up would leave no flexibility for after school clubs/activities/play dates/homework/popping to the shops/out for coffee etc.