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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not do school pick ups everyday?

90 replies

tgodtaylor · 23/09/2023 10:04

My neighbour is a single mum to a 4 yo. I'm also a single mum to a teen and a 10 year old.

She works until 5:30, for the first few weeks her boss was letting her finish early to collect him as he finished at lunchtime but soon he'll be doing full time and she won't be able to finish early. She's asked if I can pick him up as he goes to the same school as my 10 yo. The problem is, I don't really do pick up anymore as his school isn't far away and it's close to my teens school, he usually walks with him.

She's also wants me to keep him here until she picks him up at around 6, she mentioned how he gets along with the 10 yo, they do but I don't think he'll want to be entertaining him constantly. We live opposite a field so when she sees DS is there she will send her child which DS doesn't like as he wants to play football with his own friends, not look after a 4 yo. He's going to secondary school next year so once that happens I think he's less likely to want to spend time with a then 5 year old.

I do help her out at times with looking after him if she has an appointment and when he was unwell so she couldn't go out, I went out and got shopping and medication for her etc.

What would you do?

OP posts:

jeaux90 · 23/09/2023 10:35

I feel for her and you as a lone parent myself but you just need to say no.

Also in terms of your DS boundaries you also need to tell her he doesn't want to hang out or be responsible for a 4 year old.

Everywednesday · 23/09/2023 10:38

Nevermind31 · 23/09/2023 10:09

I’m sorry, but now that my kids are so much older I don’t want to look after a four year old anymore, and my 10 year old wants to play with his own friends. Here is the number of the afterschool club I used.

This is perfect, apart from the fact that you are not sorry. You have nothing to apologise for. In fact she should be thanking you for the help you've given.
Whatever she comes back with, you just repeat that it's no longer convenient and you won't be able to do it any more.

BettyBallerina · 23/09/2023 10:46

Don’t do it, I got myself into this kind of ‘friendship’ and on reflection, she was using me. 10 years on and she now has a new ‘friend’ who takes her younger dd to school, picks her up and entertains her at her house!

Maxus · 23/09/2023 10:54

Tell her you are not childcare. Also tell her not to send her son to the field when your 10 year old is there with friends, explain that a 10 year old can not care for her child while playing with his own friends. Also explain that a 10 year old can not be responsible for his care.

Shinyandnew1 · 23/09/2023 10:57

I wonder how some people get through their days sometimes when they can’t cope with being confronted with suggestions that they do really stupid thing they don’t want to do?!

CF-will you pick my young child up from a school that you no longer pick up from and look after them for 2.5 hours whilst I work
OP-no, I don’t do school runs any more and I’m not a childminder.

Overthebow · 23/09/2023 10:58

Just say no. Very CF of her.

Fallingthroughclouds · 23/09/2023 10:59

Wow she is cheeky. I'd possibly offer to help out on the odd occasion that she is very stuck, but caring for a 4 year old everyday for several hours. No absolutely not. "I don't want to" should be enough of a reason.

Ameanstreakamilewide · 23/09/2023 10:59

Shinyandnew1 · 23/09/2023 10:57

I wonder how some people get through their days sometimes when they can’t cope with being confronted with suggestions that they do really stupid thing they don’t want to do?!

CF-will you pick my young child up from a school that you no longer pick up from and look after them for 2.5 hours whilst I work
OP-no, I don’t do school runs any more and I’m not a childminder.

It's a simple 'nah, mate' - or words to that effect.

The CF doesn't worry about being rude to their 'mark', so I'd feel no compunction saying no to them.

forrestgreen · 23/09/2023 11:04

No I'm sorry I'm not a childminder, you need to ask school.

School won't help unless they have an asc but it's an easy answer to divert.

She'll push back with 'oh but I'm stuck'
'I'm sorry but you're lack of planning is not my issue'

WaltzingWaters · 23/09/2023 11:04

Can’t believe you didn’t just say no immediately. I’m a people pleaser but this one is just crazy as your child is so much older and you don’t even pick him up from school anymore!
”Sorry, as Bobby is much older now he walks home alone and is then out with his friends. Maybe try after school club or a local childminder.”

ActDottie · 23/09/2023 11:07

ExtraOnions · 23/09/2023 10:05

I would say “no, I don’t do school run anymore”

This, it’s true and a perfect excuse

GrandHighPoohbah · 23/09/2023 11:10

I would just say "I'm afraid this isn't working and we can't do it as of today. DS is old enough to get himself home, but not to take responsibility for a four year old."

ChChChCherryBomb · 23/09/2023 11:15

That’s unbelievably cheeky!

Even though it’s sometimes hard to say no, in this instance you need to be firm, tell her you don’t do the school runs anymore so won’t be able to help and as others have suggested, point her in the direction of wraparound care, childminder etc.

ThreeFeetTall · 23/09/2023 11:18

I don't think it's cheeky for her to just ask. She probably hasn't thought about 10 year olds not needing picking up.

And it fine to say no.

The end.

Ivebeentogeorgia · 23/09/2023 11:21

I would say no sorry, I don’t do pick ups so won’t be able to.

and tell ds he doesn’t have to play with the 4 yo when he is playing football on the field- he can just say hello to him and sorry I’m playing with my friends at the moment. He shouldn’t feel responsible for someone else’s child

Cockmigrant · 23/09/2023 11:24

WandaWonder · 23/09/2023 10:17

Just say no, why is this so hard for people, just say no

Exactly.
There's nothing hard about it. No, I don't do the school run anymore and no, I can't provide childcare until 6pm. It doesn't work for me and my family.

She needs to get a childminder or send the child to after school club or find a job that fits in with school hours. She doesn't get to use the neighbour as free childcare.

MustGetOutofBed · 23/09/2023 11:26

She's looking for free childcare? Just say No.

Temporaryname158 · 23/09/2023 11:32

“Oh brilliant neighbour! I’ve just started the Ofst
ed registering process and was planning child pick ups now my 2 walk home alone. I’m planning on charging £10 for school pick up and £4 an hour after that. let me know if you’d like me to send you the contract”

zingally · 23/09/2023 11:35

"Hi neighbour, I don't do school runs any more. My DS walks there alone."

Don't get drawn into a whole ho-ha. Don't explain any further. Her childcare issues aren't your problem. Especially as most primary schools these days offer breakfast clubs and after school clubs.

Hankunamatata · 23/09/2023 11:36

Nope. Tell her that your son walks home alone, you don't do pick ups. Some people just have brass neck

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 23/09/2023 11:39

A very short 'hi i don't do school runs anymore so i won't be able to help. Hope you get something sorted'.

No long messages or justifying your (entirely reasonable) response. Then at a later time I'd also make it clear that her 4yo isn't being supervised by your 10yo while playing outside.

FlamingoQueen · 23/09/2023 11:40

I would just say that you are really sorry, but you’re teaching your 10yr old independence before starting secondary school and as he walks home on his own and you want him to get in the habit of doing his homework straight away, it just won’t work with a 4 year old there.

If she argues with that, then just say you are really enjoying not having to do the school run anymore and can’t start it all over again.

It’s really not your problem.

Callyem · 23/09/2023 11:42

What she is asking is a HUGE imposition - tell her no, you are not childcare.

WeWereInParis · 23/09/2023 11:43

I don't understand why you would even consider this. Looking after a 4 year old for several hours every day? Having to make plans around this eg medical/dentist appointments for your children, any clubs or sports they do, dropping them at friend's houses etc.?
She's absolutely taking the piss.

LlynTegid · 23/09/2023 11:45

Once or twice a term because of illness then maybe. Not otherwise.

The sooner you say no, the quicker the neighbour can look for alternatives.

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