Feeling resentful at sick DH

[Champgal]

I know off the bay everyone is most likely going to tell me I’m being very unreasonable, but I feel pissed off that EVERY time we go away DH gets sick and we have to stay in. I tell him before we go he needs to take measures to ensure the holiday isn’t spoiled with him getting sick but he always insists he will be fine then we so much time inside. Every time I try to go out and do something he insists he comes then we get ten mins down the road and he says we need to turn back as he’s too unwell feeling. I know it’s not his fault but l get so annoyed that I want to be out doing things and he wants to sit inside in the air con because he says he feels not great. Urgh!

Are you saying he's now whispering when you ask him anything? As in NOW?

Personally I would get on the phone, present him with an appointment and tell him to do his duty to himself and his family and take responsibility for his health. And drive him there.

Yes, I know he's a grown man, etc, everyone. There is something wrong.

sounds like he doesn't like or cope well with active holidays in the sun. Maybe you need to have an honest conversation before your next holiday.

What a horrible thing to write. It does sound like it may be fuelled by anxiety.

I can’t believe how many posters are calling him a twat etc.

Encourage him to talk about it more & see his GP when he gets home.

Is that where you are now?

'Many Nepalese trekking routes will take you far above 2500m, and you should have a medical check-up, learn the symptoms and pack sensibly before you commit to one of these treks.

What are the symptoms of altitude sickness?Altitude sickness is caused by thinner air with far less oxygen than your body is used to, and the symptoms range from uncomfortable to life-threatening. You should look out for headaches, nausea, dizziness, vomiting, trouble sleeping and severe fatigue.'

If he's anaemic normally and maybe generally unfit, he's more likely to experience symptoms at a lower altitude - and that would also potentially affect him in other locations with such things as poor heat tolerance, dizziness, etc.

Yes as I’m now. We leave in 3 and a half hours and I just asked him if he wants to join me for dinner and I had to ask him to repeat himself twice as he’s literally whispering ‘yeah ok’ to me. I said to him if you can’t even talk now why would you want to come out for dinner? I also asked him what is actually wrong as he has not been sick, he isn’t using the toilet? He just says generally unwell but I’m ready just to get on a flight home now instead of enjoying the last evening meal

This is absurd. Has he seen a doctor? I'd get used to going away on your own or with a friend if I were you.

Yes, no one has ever had a holiday somewhere cold. Skiing? Fallacy
Iceland? No one's ever been there. Norway? Surely a myth 🙄🙄🙄

Not to mention the thousands of people who holiday in the UK.

Op can I suggest separate holidays? The issue is early he doesn't like where you pick, you do, and you both suffer.

I’m confused. Are these episodes solely related to holidays such as trekking in Nepal, or do they also occur with a weekend away in Brighton/Cambridge?

Is he fit to fly?

If yes, make a full medical a psychological checkup a priority on return. This can't go on.

And no more incredibly physically and mentally taxing excursions unprepared to the other side of the planet until he's done his duty and you've got the bottom of it.

🙄🙄

The trekking in Nepal does change things a bit. Would he be happier with a week chilling in Tenerife? I mean, I was getting infuriated on your behalf but now I can well imagine being overwhelmed and anxious at that kind of undertaking. I wonder if he's too embarrassed to admit he's not as fit as he once was and just wants to relax?

Did he want to go trekking in Nepal?

That would be pretty daunting for lots of people, I think. What are your holidays usually like? Is it stuff he actually wants to do or would enjoy doing?

I just wonder whether it's a bit of attention seeking.

If you’re sure he’s not doing it in a controlling manner, it must be due to anxiety whilst away. I don’t know if they do this, but is there any anxiety medication he could take just whilst you’re away? Or some kind of therapy to prepare him and give him ways to manage? A Nepal trekking holiday is pretty adventurous, strange choice for someone who gets nervous whilst on holidays (though an incredible trip!).
Failing this, separate holidays! Do you have any friends you could go away with instead?
This behaviour would drive me absolutely nuts too if it was every time!

Do you mean when you go abroad? My DH used to get stomach upsets for a day or two every time we went abroad. We assumed it was maybe the water or something about the food. But he always made the effort to go out unless he was literally vomiting or had diarrhoea. It was a bit annoying but I just got on with it - and one time it happened to me so I understood how he felt.

But this doesn't sound like that. Is it anxiety? Does he actually want to go on holiday?

Christ woman. Go out on your own. and next time go on holiday on your own. Life is too short and the world too big for this!

So he's got symptoms consistent with Altitude Sickness and you're angry at him for it?

He knows I live adventure holidays and I thought him to snowboard to come with me to Japan ect, he’s always super excited to do these sort of holidays and it feels genuine but then a couple days in it begins. At first it was the jet lag and heat he said got to him, then it was the bumpy jeep to the Himalayas, then the walking in the sun, then the altitude, now it’s something like food but not poisoning or sickness. Now he’s fuzzy and feeling generally unwell. The usual excuses are dodgy tummy and feeling out of it. He doesn’t get sick when we have weekends away or go away in our home country, it’s purely when we travel overseas

Just go on your own and ignore his silly behaviour, although tbh the way you describe him he would have given me the ick a long long time ago, sounds pathetic and unattractive.

We came down from any altitude over 1500m over a week ago… he was fine when we came down, the day after he’s got a dodgy tummy again, but no sickness from either end

He knows I live adventure holidays and I thought him to snowboard to come with me to Japan ect, he’s always super excited to do these sort of holidays and it feels genuine but then a couple days in it begins.

It sounds a bit like he's going along with what you want to do because he thinks it'll make you happy, even though it's really not his cup of tea.

Can you do these sorts of holidays alone instead, or with a friend?

In future, if I were you, i would do the holidays i really enjoy on my own or with a friend and just do short breaks in my home country with Dh. Why should your experience be constantly spoilt? He doesn’t seem to want to make the effort to just get on with it and is clearly not that unwell.

It’s definitely anxiety driven.

That doesn’t mean he isn’t also a controlling prick. Some people can’t help but sabotage other people’s fun and enjoyment.

This 100% sounds like anxiety. Panic symptoms - dizziness, throwing up, vertigo, feeling "funny" - are very physical and don't feel like anxiety. Most people mistake them for a physical illness.

Will he accept it could be mental? Could he try CBT?

The link with it always happening when he does new things/goes to new places also makes it seem more likely to be anxiety

He doesn’t even accept that this happens. I said to him ‘wow babe your sick again? Every holiday this seems to happen’ and he said no it doesn’t. He also thinks it’s rude of me to mention it.