To have pointed out choking hazard - or did I not do enough?

[LighthouseTheme]

Just about to get out of my car and young mum was approaching along the pavement, so I waited before opening the door. One little boy lagging a bit behind, so she was turning to him - other smaller boy in pushchair, with a lollipop in his mouth (one of those that is sort of round with a flattened middle and domed top and bottom); he did not have hold of the stick and for all the world looked as though he was close to choking/gagging - squinting his eyes closed and reaching for the stick.

I pointed this out to her (not nastily, before anyone thinks I was) as she drew level, and she turned at me sharply (with a myob expression...) and as she did I noticed a hearing aid on my side. So I pointed towards him, and asked if he was OK. She gave a cursory glance over the handle and said, "he'll be all right", and turned her attention again to the one coming up behind.

My throat closes as I think about it even now (it was yesterday), and I do wish I had been more forceful. What do others think?

(I am way past having a little one, so maybe out of touch....)

You absolutely did the right thing OP, and I’ve had no whiff of any sense you were trying to demonstrate superior parenting, just that you were concerned for the child. It did seem unsafe on the face of it. We’re all prone to overlooking things at times, no matter how on the ball we are the rest of the time and it’s a kindness to help people.

I like to think that if I were the mum, I’d be mature enough to prioritise the safety of my child over any urge to lash out because of bruised ego.

Why are you calling me "my darling" another very PA term

While I don't condone calling you "my darling" or someone being PA to you @Lahdedahiam, I think the OP was probably getting infuriated with your attitude towards them, towards other sensible posters, and towards safety. I certainly wouldn't leave my child with you, I hope you are more careful with children over on playdates etc.

I do call people "my darling" in real life, maybe it's a sort of cultural thing...? And sometimes, it is when they are being deliberately obtuse. Or it can (shock) be a term of endearment.

So she comes on AIBU, I say she is and that's not allowed?

I think the UPPER CASE comments and calling me "my darling" 🤢, make me see what sort of a person OP is.

But of course it's my fault for saying on AIBU, that I think she is 🙄

When will ppl learn to ignore the goaders! Every bloody MN thread goes the same way!
Not particularly aimed at you OP, just think I've been on here far too long!!

I would not think less of you for pointing out something that looked like a danger actually occurring. Struggling with something in his mouth is definitely worth being safe over sorry. If he's fine no-one's lost anything.

Oh it was a term of endearment to me, of course it was....... not!

Are you quite OK?

It’s just a thread on MN.

No need to get quite so involved, let alone worked up.

You probs did the right thing but you come across as very patronising and holier than thou so overall YABU.

Yes, I think anyone would want a child pointed out who really seems like they are choking. But was this child actually choking? It sounds more like you were just being judgemental about the lollipop and an idea of potential choking. Squinting their eyes closed and reaching for the stick doesn't sound like choking that just sounds like a small child enjoying a lollipop.

When I've seen children struggle with food they are terrified and clearly in distress.

I do agree that lollipops are not a great idea for toddlers of buggy age and they should be supervised while eating them, but it also sounds more like you were reacting to your perceived judgement of the parenting rather than reacting to an actual emergency.

Hmm - next time, I'll look the other way - Darwninism at it's finest.

@Lahdedahiam It was not meant as a term of endearment in this case; you were goading and being obtuse (although maybe you can't help it?).
The caps lock was because I was too lazy to find the Italics option - would that have offended you as much??
(FFS)

Oh honestly 🤣 who do you think you are? I mean seriously

@BertieBotts No - to repeat, it was not at all judgement of her parenting. There was no real time to think of that. he looked to be in distress!

What's your point?

My point is maybe stop going around judging everyone, thinking you’re better than everyone and have a long hard look in the mirror, my darling x x x

Fuck it, I'd have said the same. I'd rather get a side eye than stand idle.

@LighthouseTheme - you did what you thought was right / in the best interests of the child at the time. It wasn’t all that well received but you had good intentions. It’s fine. Move on.

And don’t ask on MN! Who cares what we think? Seriously.

Huh?

I'm confused about how the boy seemed to be choking and yet you could see the shape of the lolly. So it wasn't in his mouth? Or it was?

I don't like lollies but I think you are judging her. I'm skeptical that there was an actual emergency here. I'm also not sure why the hearing aid is relevant.

I think you did the right thing. I can't believe there are people that wouldn't say something if they thought a child was at risk of harm.

Some parents are incredibly insecure though and anything you say to them about their child they'll perceive as an attack. It's often just down to luck that those peoples children don't come to serious harm.

Having seen a child die and having lost a child myself, I would always say something. If people think I am interfering, that is their opinion. It takes just a moment's inattention and a tragedy can happen.
A friend witnessed a child choke to death on a peanut at a birthday party. They were 5 years old. Not one adult in the room did anything. She has never got over it and is in her 50s now.

How do you look close to choking? you either choke or you dont

Last holiday we went on they gave out cheap lollies to all the kids at the end of the mini disco every single night. Most of the kids were under 5. It gave me such bad anxiety every night and trying to get my two year old to sit down with it was a bloody nightmare. People are really stupid over them. They are such dangerous things, really don’t know why they’re still made.

What………….?

There’s an entire process leading up to choking, where the windpipe gets blocked.

You seriously need to have this explained……?

I’m sorry @endofthelinefinally