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Original poster

To have pointed out choking hazard - or did I not do enough?

114 replies

LighthouseTheme · 22/09/2023 18:54

Just about to get out of my car and young mum was approaching along the pavement, so I waited before opening the door. One little boy lagging a bit behind, so she was turning to him - other smaller boy in pushchair, with a lollipop in his mouth (one of those that is sort of round with a flattened middle and domed top and bottom); he did not have hold of the stick and for all the world looked as though he was close to choking/gagging - squinting his eyes closed and reaching for the stick.

I pointed this out to her (not nastily, before anyone thinks I was) as she drew level, and she turned at me sharply (with a myob expression...) and as she did I noticed a hearing aid on my side. So I pointed towards him, and asked if he was OK. She gave a cursory glance over the handle and said, "he'll be all right", and turned her attention again to the one coming up behind.

My throat closes as I think about it even now (it was yesterday), and I do wish I had been more forceful. What do others think?

(I am way past having a little one, so maybe out of touch....)

OP posts:
Lahdedahiam · 22/09/2023 19:26

@autumnmakesmehappy exactly!

ginandtonicwithlimes · 22/09/2023 19:26

Lahdedahiam · 22/09/2023 19:25

@LighthouseTheme TYPING IN UPPER CASE LETTERS, JUST SHOWS ME HOW OVERBEARING YOU ARE!

Bloody chill.

Lahdedahiam · 22/09/2023 19:28

@autumnmakesmehappy so you think that parent is going to carry on parenting as she does already, that's her choice.

Lahdedahiam · 22/09/2023 19:29

@ginandtonicwithlimes oh give over, IP started with the PA upper case! GrinGrin

After she posted trying to say how much a better and more careful parent she was.

301963Laurie · 22/09/2023 19:30

autumnmakesmehappy · 22/09/2023 19:18

I think I read somewhere that the biggest risk factor foods for choking are grapes and sausages when cut into circles.

Show quote history

Exactly…grapes are a huge risk . I choked on a grape when I was 21 and one of my medic friends had to do hand thrust manoeuvre on me . Fair to say my children never had grapes or lollipops.

Original poster
LighthouseTheme · 22/09/2023 19:31

Lahdedahiam · 22/09/2023 19:29

@ginandtonicwithlimes oh give over, IP started with the PA upper case! GrinGrin

After she posted trying to say how much a better and more careful parent she was.

Well, I was.

Beyond that, you have stopped making sense to me now.

OP posts:
Cowlover89 · 22/09/2023 19:38

You did the right thing and I would of done the same. I was having a meal when my son was 8 months old and they asked if he wanted a lolly 😱 fuck no. He can have one when he's a teenager

Lahdedahiam · 22/09/2023 19:39

@LighthouseTheme how are you a better parent? Based on one incident?

Happyandyoudontknowit · 22/09/2023 19:52

Mine had lollipops age 2/3. How old was the child?

just because your children had them it doesn’t make it any less of a choking hazard.

Mossstitch · 22/09/2023 19:52

One of mine choked on a fruit pastille about that age which my mother used to buy them as thought they were safer as soft. It really stuck in his throat, i instinctively put his head lower than his body over my knee and thumped his back, took a few for it to shoot out, felt like ages.......still have flashbacks 30 years later😬😱 they were banned after that, chocolate only for years😏

Original poster
LighthouseTheme · 22/09/2023 19:53

Lahdedahiam · 22/09/2023 19:39

@LighthouseTheme how are you a better parent? Based on one incident?

That could be all it takes, my darling.

There are lots of fantastic parents (which I tried to be), and a fair few crap and outright dangerous ones (as my own were). Sadly.

OP posts:
Lahdedahiam · 22/09/2023 19:56

Why are you calling me "my darling" another very PA term, please do not refer to me in such a way! It's very odd, if you said that to me in real life, I would be telling you very bluntly that I'm not "your darling" 🤢

You same on here wanting to be applauded, p

Original poster
LighthouseTheme · 22/09/2023 19:56

Mossstitch · 22/09/2023 19:52

One of mine choked on a fruit pastille about that age which my mother used to buy them as thought they were safer as soft. It really stuck in his throat, i instinctively put his head lower than his body over my knee and thumped his back, took a few for it to shoot out, felt like ages.......still have flashbacks 30 years later😬😱 they were banned after that, chocolate only for years😏

So frightening.

I remember my daughter choking when she was tiny (not on a lollie or sweet, I can't remember why it happened). I turned her over and slapped her back so hard, it scared my grandmother half to death, but it did the trick. Very scary.
(Maybe - as someone suggested, I do have issues with "chocking" - no bad thing though...)

OP posts:
Lahdedahiam · 22/09/2023 19:58

*came on here

Original poster
LighthouseTheme · 22/09/2023 19:58

Lahdedahiam · 22/09/2023 19:56

Why are you calling me "my darling" another very PA term, please do not refer to me in such a way! It's very odd, if you said that to me in real life, I would be telling you very bluntly that I'm not "your darling" 🤢

You same on here wanting to be applauded, p

No I didn't.
I was looking for other opinions - including yours, I guess.

But no offence was meant, I take it back.
(And I might say it in real life, and you could respond as you liked - but I doubt that you would be so antagonistic in person....)

You are such an irritant now; you'll get nothing back from me.

OP posts:
LeafHunter · 22/09/2023 19:59

You did the right thing OP.
DS and I went to a friend of his when they were 6 months and the nanny was offering both babies bites of raw apple. She didn’t know it was safer at that age to soften it so I’m incredibly glad I said something although did feel like I was interfering at the time!

Original poster
LighthouseTheme · 22/09/2023 20:00

Aaaah - PA - Passive Aggressive...
Not my usual MO though.

I can do outright aggressive as well - as can you it seems.

OP posts:
Lahdedahiam · 22/09/2023 20:00

@LighthouseTheme I suggest calling people you're in a dispute with "my darling" is going to inflame the situation and it would appear you are demeaning! Don't do it! If you were make you'd rightly be accused of being misogynistic, which you would be.

xyz111 · 22/09/2023 20:00

Lahdedahiam · 22/09/2023 18:59

Chances are he'd be fine, your issues around chocking etc should not be passed on to others.

My friends child died by choking. There's no "issues" with being concerned about a child possibly choking.

Lahdedahiam · 22/09/2023 20:02

LighthouseTheme · 22/09/2023 20:00

Aaaah - PA - Passive Aggressive...
Not my usual MO though.

I can do outright aggressive as well - as can you it seems.

Maybe not your usual MO darling, but it seems to be tonight!

AlfredaTheGrape · 22/09/2023 20:04

As a parent, I think you did the right thing. It is then up to the parent to mull it over later should they wish to, discuss it with a partner or friend, etc. Often people react badly in the moment as they feel criticised, or maybe haven't fully heard you and registered in the moment what you are getting at. But later when they think it over they actually realise you were right and had their child's interests at heart but you would never know that. You're not wrong, it's dangerous and a completely avoidable risk that is not wrapping them in cotton wool just common sense. Better to say so than not IMHO.

Original poster
LighthouseTheme · 22/09/2023 20:05

LeafHunter · 22/09/2023 19:59

You did the right thing OP.
DS and I went to a friend of his when they were 6 months and the nanny was offering both babies bites of raw apple. She didn’t know it was safer at that age to soften it so I’m incredibly glad I said something although did feel like I was interfering at the time!

It's such a worry when they are little, isn't it?

As I said, I thought I might be out of tough - but I am sure that the dimensions of a little child's oesophagus hasn't changed. So much to think about!

OP posts:
Original poster
LighthouseTheme · 22/09/2023 20:08

AlfredaTheGrape · 22/09/2023 20:04

As a parent, I think you did the right thing. It is then up to the parent to mull it over later should they wish to, discuss it with a partner or friend, etc. Often people react badly in the moment as they feel criticised, or maybe haven't fully heard you and registered in the moment what you are getting at. But later when they think it over they actually realise you were right and had their child's interests at heart but you would never know that. You're not wrong, it's dangerous and a completely avoidable risk that is not wrapping them in cotton wool just common sense. Better to say so than not IMHO.

Yes, that's how I hoped she might see it.

It really was just "in that moment" - and no (blatant, although she might have seen it as inferred, or busybodying) judgement at all.

Or maybe she gave it not a second thought, and no further discussion (apart from maybe having a moan about me) and one day he will actually choke.
That's the scary part.

OP posts:
LakeTiticaca · 22/09/2023 20:10

I didn't let my kids have them as toddlers and won't let my grandkids have them.
You did the right thing, she ignored you. No more you could do.
Don't worry about it x

Original poster
LighthouseTheme · 22/09/2023 20:10

Lahdedahiam · 22/09/2023 20:00

@LighthouseTheme I suggest calling people you're in a dispute with "my darling" is going to inflame the situation and it would appear you are demeaning! Don't do it! If you were make you'd rightly be accused of being misogynistic, which you would be.

But I'm not in a dispute with you, and you are straying so far from the topic that it has little relevance.
You are being offensive though.

OP posts: