Hey. I was wondering if anyone could please give me some insight to whether I am being unfair or sensitive.
We have two children - 3 year old and 7 month old.
I am on maternity leave still, due to return back to work soon. Husband works full time but chooses his own hours due to type of role. He works very hard however.
Long story short- my husband has never done a night feed. States he needs the sleep as he's working (he can wake up at 9am and still go to work.). He sees me absolutely exhausted, and still doesn't get up to do a feed to let me have that bit of extra sleep. He does wake up with our 3 year old some mornings at 7am, but then our youngest wakes and I'm up anyway too. On weekends, he goes upstairs during the day to nap or naps on the couch when I have the kids , will rarely suggest I nap instead even if I'm telling him I'm tired.
Over the last few weeks, little one has been awake 1am-5am and I've been lying in bed in tears watching the monitor or getting up and down up and down settling him, my husband sees me doing this but doesn't offer to help. He wonders why I get angry at him and shout at him that he's useless.
This morning in the early hours when I was trying to settle him, I said to my husband "please can you wake up with our other child at 7am when he wakes as I really need to sleep I've only had an hour all night." His response was no I'm having a lie in tomorrow I'm tired." And he did- I woke with both kids at 630am, got one of them to pre school and back. When I got back he was still in bed.
I feel sad, lonely, and like we aren't a team.
This is an example of many. He's never put our 7 month old to bed. He has to be told and shown everything for our children, ie if the outfits aren't laid out and he's asked to get them dressed then he wont.
He states I should respect him more because he pays our mortgage and bills. He says we have our own jobs and his is putting the bins out and the gardening. I am never shown appreciation for everything I do around the home, we have the most beautiful spotless home because of what I do day in day out. And every day, he will make it unclean and untidy again through not giving a shit. Ie - leaving clothes everywhere, towel on the floor after shower, toothpaste all over the sink, won't make the bed when he gets up. Our children are so well looked after by me, they have everything they need and want for nothing, beautiful bedrooms and well dressed. He never shows me appreciation for that. It's just taken for granted.
I just need some clarity as to whether I'm asking too much of a man who works full time, or if he is really taking the mick out of me here. He swears in front of the children to the point that the oldest is now repeating it. He has a sense of self importance that just makes me sad as we are both equal. AIBU- should I just put up with it as he works full time? I'm back to work very soon and I'm going to be burnt out exhausted if this carries on. Any advice would be great. Thankyou. Xxx