To hand back sweets given to child?

[BoyMamma2]

I have 2 children and a friend of my ex partner has 2 that are close in age. The two oldest get on well and are very similar. Since I’ve had my second I’ve felt the mum has been quite dismissive of him. She will encourage her two to play with my oldest but never my youngest son. As my youngest has got older he’s started to notice he’s left out.
i try to say things like all play together etc but she never backs me up.
last week we met and up her oldest excitedly gave me oldest a lollipop. My youngest (5) asked if he had one but turns out the mum had bought 3, two for her children and my oldest: there was no explanation to why and she didn’t seem to care she’d excluded one child. My oldest was confused and my youngest quite upset. She knew he’d be there.

I took the lolly and thanked her son but said we couldn’t accept as it’s unfair on his brother.

My children’s father says i should have just left it and accepted it. What would you have done?

You were right to hand the lolly back. Now stop treating her as a friend, just be courteous at the club. And don't waste anymore time thinking about it.

We’re not friends . I only see her at the club where the boys inevitably walk out to the car together and have a play. Prior to lollipop I tried to hang back to avoid the walk (because I felt bad for my son being left out) and they waited. The party invite was given out by my ex . This year neither of her children have been invited as I couldn’t face last years dilemma again .

At the time of the lollipop I tried to say something but she busied herself in her handbag, trying her best to avoid eye contact. My youngest was crying by then so we left with a promise to get sweets at home.

I've since saw her at the club but sat in another area. We left with another parent and her kids didn’t run after us like usual so assuming she told them not to. Next week we’ve found another place to park so will head in a different direction.

chalking up to bad experience.

She's mean and cruel. How could anyone exclude an innocent child

Ask her why she's doing that. It's weird. If she gives you a reason talk it it through and if it can be resolved great and if not end the friendship, it's not a real friendship anyway is it. If you feel you can't talk to her just phase her out, you can't let you son be treated like that , awful woman

Just outright ask her ‘you seem to lace dc out on purpose, it’s not very nice for him and I’m trying to understand why. For example, not bringing him a lollipop, expecting your yo ds to be invited to oldest’s birthday but not vice versa. Is there something going on I need to be aware of?’

"At the time of the lollipop I tried to say something but she busied herself in her handbag, trying her best to avoid eye contact."

So she knows she's being a total cunt .

Your plan to avoid her sounds like your best option. This "friend of [your] ex partner" sounds to me as if she's cut from the same cloth as him, under instruction from him, or shagging him. Whatever, her behaviour is appalling and you don't want her messing with your children's heads.

although they're all involved in the same club/activity, presumably handing out of lollipops (or not) - is after the club has ended?
Knock that on the head, collect your children and disappear, don't make time for her.

Her kid is 5 and she got him
one.

Honestly my red flag alarm went up. My brain went straight to she's trying to purposely create a relationship with the older boy in hope that one of the boys (hers or your eldest) suggest an unsupervised playdate. Younger one is probably seen more of a liability with trying to keep secrets etc esp if dad just happens to turn up to the playdate.