Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hand back sweets given to child?

84 replies

BoyMamma2 · 21/09/2023 21:33

I have 2 children and a friend of my ex partner has 2 that are close in age. The two oldest get on well and are very similar. Since I’ve had my second I’ve felt the mum has been quite dismissive of him. She will encourage her two to play with my oldest but never my youngest son. As my youngest has got older he’s started to notice he’s left out.
i try to say things like all play together etc but she never backs me up.
last week we met and up her oldest excitedly gave me oldest a lollipop. My youngest (5) asked if he had one but turns out the mum had bought 3, two for her children and my oldest: there was no explanation to why and she didn’t seem to care she’d excluded one child. My oldest was confused and my youngest quite upset. She knew he’d be there.

I took the lolly and thanked her son but said we couldn’t accept as it’s unfair on his brother.

My children’s father says i should have just left it and accepted it. What would you have done?

OP posts:
NotMyDayJob · 23/09/2023 15:52

BoyMamma2 · 22/09/2023 21:15

Possibly. Youngest was conceived with fertility treatment due to issues on ex part. He didn’t handle the medical results well and struggled to bond. As far as I’m aware no one is aware of the treatment at his request. Dr said natural conception was a miracle with oldest. If anything I’d expect him to doubt his paternity.

if that is the reason I’m even more disgusted as my son is just a little boy and doesn’t deserve that crap.

Show quote history

Do you mind me asking OP, did you use a sperm donor for the youngest? Is it possible he has told her and she doesn't regard your youngest as your ex's child?

I mean that would be awful all the same.

LittleBearPad · 23/09/2023 15:54

She’s a cow.

Jellycats4life · 23/09/2023 16:03

This dynamic is really common, it seems.

My DD1 is a year older than her cousin. My DS2 is 3-4 years younger than them. The family used to treat DD and Cousin as a pair and like DS didn’t exist - purely because he was too young to play with them for a good few years when he was small.

Even now - years later - I hear family day “Cousin is so looking forward to seeing DD!” and DS is totally erased from the picture 🙄

It pisses me off. So YANBU.

Original poster
BoyMamma2 · 23/09/2023 16:45

Nanny0gg · 23/09/2023 15:35

What is your Ex's relationship like with his children?

And how did he know you gave the lolly back?

Show quote history

At present I have a restraining order against him so not good.
He saw the kids at oldest birthday when they visited his mum for a birthday tea. He does have access although supervised.

OP posts:
GreatGardenstuff · 23/09/2023 17:06

What on earth would make a grown woman single out a 5yo for such mean and spiteful treatment?! She sounds horrible, keep your distance.

tuvamoodyson · 23/09/2023 17:13

Underestimated4 · 23/09/2023 14:25

Maybe her parenting involves not allowing her kids at 5 to have lollipops so that’s why. Although it does seem harsh.

Then none should get! Horrible to exclude a child…

FKATondelayo · 23/09/2023 17:20

She's a cunt. Some people are. There's no need to try and analyse why. It's nothing you or your DS2 have done. Just avoid her. They can still go to the club.

itsmylife7 · 23/09/2023 17:29

Just start ignoring her at the club.
Any person who does that to a child is a nasty piece of work.

coxesorangepippin · 23/09/2023 17:40

I wouldn't see that woman again

I had a similar situation - my youngest was left out, and she noticed it.

We stopped seeing them.

Life is too short to feel left out!

LizBennet · 23/09/2023 17:43

Aah no that’s mean, I’d have done the same.
My mum was a childminder and one of the girls mum would pick her up after work and would bring sweets for her and my sisters aged 7 and 9 but said I was too old for them at 11 😭😂

thescab · 23/09/2023 18:12

Do not pull your kids from the club!

Why would you do that, and how would you explain it to your children?

Your kids aren't the problem, so don't let them be the ones to lose out.

There's no excusing what's she's done.

momonpurpose · 23/09/2023 18:33

She is not your friend. I would message her exactly why you are ending the friendship block her and move on

Imisssleep2 · 23/09/2023 19:34

I would stop meeting with this friend that was so unfair to the younger child, it's mean and an adult should know better!

I would prob have done the same in your shoes and then taken them both to a sweet shop after to choose a sweet to make up for her behaviour

JMaggs93 · 23/09/2023 19:35

My gosh I'd have done the same but would push the point more and ask her why she is excluding your youngest son. It's not unreasonable of you to ask. Also, I would be looking to ending this 'friendship' as she seems vile. I'd be questioning the children's father on why he thinks that is acceptable, too. Makes you wonder what his mindset is when he has his children and this woman is hanging around. This would definitely get my back up.

Tinkerbyebye · 23/09/2023 20:02

I would not be carrying on seeing them

Darkmode2 · 23/09/2023 20:04

FootprintsOnTheCeiling · 22/09/2023 06:17

I’d be glad she hadn’t given my 5 year old a lollipop, and I would have said no to my older child. Cavities on a stick.

🙄

agent765 · 23/09/2023 20:07

What kind of woman would treat a child she knows like that?

You're best off not bothering with her.

Gymmum82 · 23/09/2023 20:16

If she’s your friend can you not say to her ‘look I like hanging out with you but I can’t keep doing it if you’re going to keep excluding my youngest child. Either they play together or not at all’
I would have said at the time of the lolly incident ‘jeez that’s tight. You only brought 3?’ Then waited for a response

HelpMeUnpickThis · 23/09/2023 20:28

I would HAVE to ask her directly why she is doing this! It’s so outrageously mean.

Meeting · 23/09/2023 20:32

She's a natsy cow and I'd have to tell her that her behaviour is unacceptable.

Dramatic · 23/09/2023 20:34

BoyMamma2 · 22/09/2023 09:25

Children are 8&5. Same as her kids. I don’t plan to see her but kids have a weekly club together - 2 oldest and 2 youngest are together. My ex and I aren’t on good terms due to DV and I’ve always found it odd she stuck by him but we’ve never openly discussed it . I do wonder if he’s meddled in some way but at the end of the day they’re innocent kids

There was a situation last year when her oldest had a party and only my oldest invited. Didn’t bother me as they are good friends. A few months later I had a party for my older son and invited her oldest child. She replied to ask why younger son not asked. I was stunned - she didn’t ask my younger one so why would I ask her one? She seems very keen for the 3 boys to be besties.

Did you not say to her that you didn't think the younger boys would be invited to the older ones since your 5yo wasn't invited to her older ones party?

LT1982 · 23/09/2023 20:36

You're very much missing the point

di2004 · 23/09/2023 20:43

Sounds like hard work, I would give her a wide berth! x

mysocksarehaunted · 23/09/2023 21:00

I'd just pull back from an active friendship and avoid contact outside the activity. Be polite and friendly when you see her there, but just don't ask her for any meet ups or playdates and make excuses if she asks you. I don't really think there's any point challenging her. People often have weird quirks and attitudes, and are rarely open minded/have the lack of ego enough to say, 'oh yes, sorry that was weird/rude of me, you are right'. You have repeated experience of her excluding your youngest and if challenged she will probably just get defensive and deny it or say you are overreacting.

LardoBurrows · 23/09/2023 21:04

Well done on handing back the lollipop.

The women is a bitch ignoring and leaving out one child and your ex is completely wrong. I'm sure you know you can completely ignore your ex's opinion on anything related to parenting given that he is only allowed supervised access to his DC due to domestic violence and is obviously a complete failure at being a partner and parent. Just limit contact with the woman outside of the activity and keep on challenging any unacceptable behaviour from her.

Swipe left for the next trending thread